The Good in Sin

Why So Serious

"So," Jenna said when Autumn showed up to work. Autumn avoided eye contact because after dousing her face in cold water, her eyes remained puffy and sad. "Tell me about this Keith guy." Jenna jutted her hip out and leaned against the counter, but Autumn was in no mood to wear her mask of happiness that day.

She shook her head, her usually braided hair loose in a mess of curls.

"Is he the reason we haven't been seeing Phoenix's bad-boy friend, Sin?"

"Please, Jenna." Was all Autumn could say, and as if catching her distress for the first time, Jenna froze.

"Oh my god, what happened, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, I just don't want to talk about him right now."

"Did you guys get in a fight?"

"It's not like that, Jenna. He's just an old friend, it's nothing romantic."

It was true. Autumn didn't feel the guilt of lying to her then because what she had with Keith was what she often thought of as a 'business deal.' Whether she hated it or not, that's what her mind always told her- that she was a cheap whore that had no business trying to raise a child all by herself. And on top of that, Keith never seemed genuinely affectionate outside of his sexual intentions. Their relationship was strictly numb and impersonal, and she never once loved Keith.

"Is it Sin?"

"No." She sighed, slipping an apron on over her head and tying it slow as if to take up as much time as possible before she was forced to look back into Jenna's eyes.

"So... Phoenix?"

With hands fallen to her sides, Autumn looked up at her coworker and nodded, tears threatening to slip out once more.

"Oh, honey, what happened?" Seeing the distress in Autumn's eyes, Jenna's voice went soft and she wrapped her arms around her.

"He's just having a hard time right now. Asking about his dad..." Autumn thought for a moment what the worse would come if she told Jenna about Keith, but the logical part of her decided not to bother, as it would only bring more judgement and pain to her life.

"I'm sorry, Autumn."

"He's never yelled at me before." Autumn went silent in recalling his strong voice demanding the truth, a truth she could never give to him because she didn't know it herself. Why did his father leave? One minute she was telling him she was pregnant, and the next he was packed up and gone.

Next thing she knew her parents were demanding her to leave, too.

"Hey, he had no right to yell at you. No matter how upset he was, you're the best mom I've ever seen in action," Jen said with certainty. 

But Autumn only shook her head. It hurt when he yelled at her, but he was right. She was horrible for letting Keith barge into their lives without either of them having a say about it. What kind of parent was she if she couldn't protect either of them from Keith?

"Thanks, Jen." Was all she said, wiping the burning tears from her eyes before they could fall, and she disappeared into the bathroom to put on her happy face.

The day had been slow for Autumn. No longer did she have a something to look forward to, it felt, and she didn't understand why that made her sad. It wasn't like she looked forward to anything to begin with, right?

Something in her dreaded seeing Phoenix again when he got out of school, and Jenna had gently nagged her throughout the day to demand that Phoenix never speak to her that way again, but Phoenix knew he wasn't supposed to yell at his mother. This only meant to her that he had been bottling up his feelings about everything going on, and that was what hurt her the most.