The Good in Sin

Cry Babies

After leaving Sin's place, Phoenix decided to take a walk along the river that cut between his town. In the middle of the trees he stood, looming over the ripples that morphed his reflection. For years Phoenix would linger along the river when he didn't want to be around anybody, and yet he longed to spend time with Sin. He wondered why he couldn't just sit there and read while Sin was working, and believed that it could have been because Sin didn't want him around.

A feeling in his chest arose when he thought about Sin not wanting to be his friend. It was almost the same feeling he got when he walked in the park alone while his friends were learning to fish with their dads or uncles or brothers. Phoenix did not know what to do but to walk along the river when he felt this way. The only thing that made him feel better was close his eyes and imagine doing the things his friends did with their big families, and suddenly guilt overcrowded this weird feeling of longing.

What about his mom? It always came down to how he could wish for another person in his life when he had all he needed in her. It was obvious how hard she tried to make him happy, and it was clear she didn't want to tell Nix stories about his dad, not only because it hurt her, but because she knew it hurt him, too. 

A feeling overcame him and he wanted only to run to her arms and stay there until his guilt went away.

Taking a fallen leaf from the ground, Phoenix set it on the water and watched it float away quickly, running to keep up with it, until he no longer could.

Saying good-bye to the river, the boy ran home.

...

"So where is Phoenix?" Keith said, buttoning up his shirt, taking a long look at himself in the stained mirror in Autumn's room.

There she sat on the bed, eyes fixed on the circular rug that took up empty space in her room. That rug was her solace. When she was on her stomach and Keith had her face buried, when she lifted her head for air she stared at the rug on the ground, because she knew if she closed her eyes she would start crying.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she forced herself to stop staring at the rug. It was over for now, and the rug did nothing but bring her back to the pain.

"He's out playing." Her words left her, but she could no longer hear herself. The voice that came from her mouth, it was not Autumn's voice. Autumn's voice was taken years ago, she felt. She could no longer speak for herself, as she was just an object that mimicked words.

Keith only nodded to her, finally tearing himself from the mirror he stood in front of and patted his pockets for his wallet. He took out a hundred dollar bill and set it on her dresser.

"I'll see you next week." He said, and just like that he left her room.

Autumn stared at the money on the dresser and held her breath, hearing him go into the kitchen to grab his jacket and his keys. She counted his footsteps to the front door, and finally upon hearing it shut it was as if she was punched in the stomach and all the air shot out of her as she sobbed to herself.

Sobbing with the awareness of no one around her, she released it all within her, allowing herself to cry just this once, as she usually did. Recoiled up on her twin bed, her limbs ached from clenching her stomach in rigid breaths, her shoulders sore from tightening, and her eyes swollen from the pressure of squeezing them shut.

Almost calling out in surprise, Autumn felt small arms wrap around her and opened her eyes to see her son on her shoulder, eyes shut tight and face scrunched up like he usually did when trying not to cry.

Immediately sitting up, she attempted to compose herself, wiping her eyes and covering the bottom half of her body up, as she only remained in her dress after Keith ripped off her underwear earlier. Finding the warmth of Nix's cheeks, she stared him in the eyes, aware of the puffy redness in hers.