The Good in Sin

And Rain Will Make the Flowers Grow

A couple of weeks had passed since Autumn's uncomfortable meeting with Hector, and since then she'd seemed to have taken a few steps away from Sin. This didn't go unnoticed.

Sin was determined to reestablish his place in her heart, whether he had one or not. One day after watching Phoenix and Autumn slipped inside quietly, he invited the two of them to dinner the next day.

"I don't know, I work tomorrow-" She began.

"Just let me cook for you. You always seem to be the one making us dinner, and I just want to return the favor for once. Phoenix has been nagging me about roasting marshmallows by the fire, too. What do you think?"

Autumn had already removed her coat by the time they were in the kitchen having this discussion, and he couldn't help but noticed the rosiness of her cheeks and pink of her nose. Her hair was falling out of the bun she attempted to put it in and a soft mane of curls framed her face. Sin was so enraptured by her appearance, he couldn't understand how it was he was making full sentences come out of his mouth instead of drool. 

"All-inclusive?" She said, for the first time as teasing edge to her tone.

"All-inclusive," he nodded, seeing her smile at him.

"Sure, Sin."

And he hugged her good-night, taking her by surprise while not giving her long enough to return it. With nerves and excitement running through his veins, Sin attempted not to skip out the door and into his truck in the frosty cold, but once he was in his truck, bouncing down the frozen gravel roads, he had no choice but to bang his fists on the top of his console, the jittery cold and anticipation overwhelming him as he wondered what he would make them and if something would go wrong.

We went too long letting whatever this is slip away, and I'm not letting this go, he thought to himself. There was too much potential in what they felt for one another. At least, that's what he'd guessed from their past connections. He couldn't get her out of his head, and he had no intention to. 

...

The entire night, Autumn talked herself in and out of going Sin's for dinner. One minute, she'd allow herself to get excited, and the butterflies would swarm in her stomach, but the next, she'd stare up at the small speck of dirt on the ceiling fan and feel Keith's hands on her again.

A powerful wave of nausea would hit her once more, and she'd sit up in bed, waiting to taste bile but having it pass as soon as it came.

Ever since she'd met Sin, the disgust in herself seemed to grow. At first, he gave her hope. He made her feel not so bad, but at the end of the day she'd remember he didn't know who she really was. He didn't know the truth, that she belonged to somebody, and she sold her body to a narcissistic monster whom she did nothing but validate by allowing him to take control over her life.

Then again, he was the only one who bothered to help, and then Sin came along, seeming to want to help free of charge... It was almost too good to be true.

Regardless if it was, she still trusted him. Why did she trust him? She asked herself this constantly, as if she didn't even know him, but the truth was she felt like she had known him for years. When she looked into his eyes, it was the safest she'd felt in years, and there was even a possibility of feeling like he could save her.

Stop thinking that, she demanded herself. You're in too deep, already. No one can save you now.

Autumn would fight with her mind nearly every night until exhaustion over came her, and she'd awake the next morning feeling as if she hadn't a flicker of sleep.

In the morning when she was out of the shower, she spared a small glance at herself, seeing her thighs seemed thicker and her butt appeared rounder. Keith hadn't missed a payment yet, and lately she and Phoenix would share dinners with the Karim's. It seemed for the first time in years, Autumn was getting fed properly, and she admired the spotlessness of her body. The long white stretch marks at the bottom of her soft stomach that she touched gingerly, recalling with a smile her terrifying yet beautiful pregnancy.