The Good in Sin

The Sacrifices of Parenthood

By the time Autumn got home, Sin was waiting at the dinner table in her usual chair, reading through his small notepad the size of his palm. The door had easily clicked open and shut, so he barely heard as she locked it with a click and turned to face him.

"Hey," he said when looking up.

"Hey," she breathed out, dropping her bag and shedding her jacket. "How was he?"

"Extremely enthusiastic, as always."

With a smile, she headed to Phoenix's room, opening the door to see her sweet boy fast asleep on his side. Planting a kiss on his head, she tucked him in tighter and headed to the kitchen where Sin was standing and gathering his things.

It almost seemed eager in the way he tugged his jacket on and stuffed his phone in his pocket, so eager it bothered her.

"I should let you sleep," Sin said, patting his pockets for his keys, then nodding when realizing his didn't drive there.

"You could stay a while, if you want," Autumn found herself saying.

Frozen in his movements, he looked at her, as if to question if it were really okay. She was aware he often mistook her invitations as politeness, and was somewhat thankful she wasn't so obvious, but it was also frustrating to have to spell it out for him some of the time.

"I could make you some coffee?" She added, and he looked at her in curiosity.

"Do you usually drink coffee so late?"

The question caught her off guard. Almost suspicious in his tone, she thought of Keith, and how the coffee was always just a cover up for his true intentions. It was then she realized she had been taking a page out of his book and shame overcame her at the fact.

"How about hot chocolate instead?" Sin said, breaking her thoughts as if realizing the question was reminding her of her emotional barriers she typically had between the two of them.

"I can do that."

Shuffling around him to the stove, she began to boil water and took out everything she needed from the pantry, all the while avoiding meeting his gaze that lingered on her.

As if not being able to control how drawn she was to his appearance, she spared a look, and saw he kept his jacket on. "I'm sorry it's so cold in here." She said, feeling the tip of her nose go numb from her freezing walk home. It always seemed like sweet relief when she entered her home after being in the icy temperature, but after moments of letting her body get used to the cold of her house she realized it wasn't cozy at all.

"I'm fine, really. You look freezing, though, do you have a heater?" He asked her, and she realized he was staring at her because of the patchy redness on her face.

"It's broken," her embarrassed voice spoke, and she tucked her hair behind her ear and focused on pouring hot chocolate mix into the mugs.

Autumn was not proud of never being able to have a comfortable life for Phoenix, and she knew that was where a lot of Brenda's disrespect came from. Just recently she got a lengthy text message from the woman after Phoenix had spent the day at Carl's. It was full of judgement stemming from how Autumn was not fit to be a mother, and she told herself not to let it get to her. She loved Phoenix, and he loved her.

She believed that she wasn't the best mother. It was clear in the fact that she needed Keith just so the two of them could survive. After all, no matter how rude she was, Brenda was always right. Autumn shouldn't be leaving Phoenix home alone so late at night to put himself to sleep while she was at work. She shouldn't be letting him live off diner food as if there were no other options for him to eat, and she certainly was guilty of allowing him to go out while she was working on the weekends or running errands with him walking around the neighborhood by himself.