Laplace's Demon

-07-

I sat slumped against the huge block of wall at the train station, resting my head on my backpack, a towel draped over my shoulders tightly. I barely had any cash left, it's been weeks since I've left home, everywhere blared about 'the lost Boston boy' in the morning news, I had to keep low profile and away from those crowded areas where people could recognise me.

I don't have anymore clean clothes, my phone battery died long ago, I don't even have a proper place to sleep, it's only a matter of time before someone kicks me out of here. 

Coming here was a mistake, why did I think I could find her anyways? Trapped in a New York underground station, with no leads or places to go. I can't even do anything, I'm useless at this point.

I don't even know what is the date today, how many weeks have past when I was laying around? How is my mother holding up? How are my friends doing?

If I could just find her, this wouldn't be such a mess. If I could just--

My thoughts came to a stop as my body froze up, my mind went blank and a pang of loneliness and sadness washed over my senses. My face tensed as my eyes welled up suddenly, tears fell from my eyes and I covered my face with my palm as if I was scared of someone seeing it. The tears just kept coming and my heart ached of going home, how I wish I never got sent back in time, I just want a normal, ordinary life. Instead, I'm here bawling around like a kid, doing nothing but living off by loaves of expired bread. Why did I do this to myself? Why do I make myself so helpless?

What am I doing here?

What the actual hell did I do to end up here?

My life seemed pointless, I could've just stayed home, who cares about some dumb promise? I don't care about the universe anymore, I just want to go back home, go to school normally. But would it be anymore better there? Knowing I could've saved her deep down, hating myself, agonising over what I could've done.

I buried my red face under my dirty hoodie, my nose inhaling the scent of dirt and rust, the bitter taste of my tears and mouth perched tightly together. I could only distress about what I couldn't do, I came this far, yet I don't this I made any progress at all. I don't feel accomplish, only that I could've done much more than lazing around, taking it all for granted.

Is this all I can ever do? Is this the most I can do for her? For me?

I shuffled on the floor, trying to block away the thoughts. I need to go. I need to get out of here. Anywhere. Any place will do. Just freaking do something other that staying in this depressing hole of bull crap.

I can't wait for a miracle to happen to me. I'm an asshole for thinking this way for so long.

I started packing my bag, holding my breath as I got up with a grunt. Walking up the empty stairs to the street, the sky was pitch back. I glanced up looking at the stars with a sigh, my eyes stung staring at them. I've never really took a moment to look at them at all, it was just there, the night sky, the moon. It has been there every night, looking over us from above. It was beautiful, the stars, the moon, how have I never took notice of such a magnificent sight? 

The stars may look close, but they're actually hundreds thousands of miles away, they'll never collide, they might not even know each others existence, but at least they know there's other around them, sharing the same faith as them, never alone, forever and always, the stars will shine together for millennials.

How wonderful is that? Makes me want to be up there with them too.

I took my eyes off the sky, making my way along the streets, following the signs and direction on the boards. I've never felt more alive, walking through the empty walkway, alone, with no one but me and the stars.