On My Lenses I (Completed)

Sea Waves

JIN POV.

-3am at Jin's apartment. December 18, 2018

I need to get out of here. From all this bu@@$hit. I went to pack some clothes and put it in my backpack. I grabbed my video camera and camera. Without these two with me, I feel more shitty. Like, I can't do anything correctly.

I went downstairs, started the engine and drove. I don't know where I will go.

I just drove and drove and drove and found solace at the sight of the sea. I searched where to park and parked my car. After parking my car, I went down the car with only my phone, my camera, video cam and car keys with me. As I walked down to the beach, I felt tears starting to fall on my cheeks. I wiped them dry hoping it will stop. I put my things on the sand. My heart feels heavy. I don't know what to do anymore. I want everything to stop. I want all the pain to stop.

I took my phone, sent a message to my manager.

"Manager-nim, I'm sick. I might not go to practice today. I will rest for a while. Thank you for everything."

I scrolled my phone contacts then I realised I've been staring at this number for too long. I sighed heavily, wishing all the feelings I have now goes with it. It felt really heavy.

I pressed the number.

*calling*

I waited for her to answer, but it went to voicemail. I checked my time. Of course it's just 5am. She will not be awake. I still called even though I know she will not pick up.

*Hey it's Taehyung, I'm currently busy, what's up? Just leave a message! Bye!*

I ended the call. That voice of hers. I don't know what to feel. I hate that she's happy. I hate that I can't sleep. I hate it. I hate all our memories. I want to erase all of them.

See video. 

Please play this music video of Day6. If you want to really feel what Jin is feeling on this part. 

I tried to watch all the videos on my video cam. I'm planning to delete them anyway. But I didn't. It's been 2 months since she broke up with me over the phone. Over the freaking phone!!!! I remember her words perfectly. "Jin, let's think about our relationship and we should give each other space." She didn't even wait for my reply. I just cried that day. After that day she never picked up my calls. I even went to her office, apartment but I was told you're 'out'. Then, I realised I really should give you space. I did. Then, I remembered what happened yesterday. I was not allowed to bring a car to our office because of coding. I commuted by train instead. I was on the train when I was contemplating on things, about my relationship, my work. Then I saw her, giggling with her 'new' boyfriend. I was astounded at first. She looked at me, while I looked at her. Ha! So this is why. I felt numb but I smirked. I just stared at her blankly with that smirk on. I knew she felt uncomfortable even if she wanted to act happy with her boyfriend. When my stop was almost near, I stood up, still looking at her. Then I looked at the door and stood in front of it. I know she's stealing glances at me. I don't care. I do care, but it doesn't really matter at this point. The door opened. I didn't look back and just walked.

I stared at the beach thoughtlessly for too long while still holding the video camera with all the shit memories I wanted to delete permanently on my brain.. Thinking of what happened, I didn't even notice the beautiful sunrise the beach was boasting on to me trying to lift whatever the negativity of the world is.

I stood up. The beach looks peaceful at this time of hour. There are waves but it has this soothing effect on me. I removed my jacket and arranged it with my other things. There's a lot going on with my head and it also feels blank. I walked to the water.

Just walked...

And walked..

And walked...

Until the water has engulfed me already. I don't know how to swim so I got scared for a while. I closed my eyes and all the good memories flashed back. I want everything to go away. This should be it. I keep on going into the deep. While all the memories Taehyung and I had, I opened my eyes and saw light. Goodbye memories. I thought to myself. Then everything went dark.