Trauma

Dreams and Nightmares

Being mentally scarred sucks guys.

My dreams were filled with scenes I've been trying to forget for a long time. What it was like being on the streets for three days with no journal or anyone, being a ghost for most of the day, Bill almost killing Mabel, and many more. In my dream, it was mostly just flashes of images. But then it went dark. Then, Bill's silhouette formed. If this was happening in real life, I would have been like "NOT TODAY SATAN!" and run as far as possible away from there. But since this was a dream, I couldn't do that. Then, a huge eye opened and shone on me. I was twelve and helpless again. I didn't know what to do and I couldn't wake up. 

"Hiya Pine Tree!" Said the ever so familiar voice. "You've got to wake up Dipper." I told myself "This isn't healthy and you need to see a therapist." my actual logical side was right. But I didn't want to put my problems onto other people. I'd just annoy them. Then they would be mad at me and I would feel worse. So I did the logical thing and ignored the logical side of my brain. It wasn't long before I woke up. I woke up sweating and crying. The stress was too much. I started to hyperventilate. I was feeling nauseous so I ran down to the bathroom upstairs close to me and Mabel's room. I really hoped my parents wouldn't hear me. Their room was downstairs so they probably wouldn't. I made it to the bathroom just in time. I was in the bathroom for what felt like years. Crying and breathing heavily over the toilet bowl. It didn't help that earlier a girl kicked my butt. 

When I was done, I flushed the toilet and washed my hands. I didn't want to go back to my room. I got some towels that were in the bathroom and used them as blankets and pillows and layed in the bathtub. I couldn't push myself to get Mabel or my parents. I didn't want to drag them into my drama. I would just become a burden to everyone. I just gotta lay low until the dreams go away and I feel better. Would I ever feel better though? I've been having these nightmares ever since a few months after Gravity Falls. Maybe I should talk to someone. No. I'm not going to do that. I would just prove that i'm even more of the wimp them I already am. 

---------------TIME SKIP BROUGHT TO YOU BY TRIANGLE FOOD------------

I fell asleep with no dreams for about an hour. It felt good. But I was eventually woken up by footsteps approaching the bathroom. I glanced at the clock and it said that It was about four in the morning. I quickly shut the shower curtain in hopes that whoever was coming in wouldn't notice me. Mabel walked in and even more stress then before started to rise in my chest. It scared me. I blinked and Mabel's silhouette looked like Bill's. I blinked again and she was back to normal. Dont cry dont cry dont cry dont cry dont cry. I had to tell myself that multiple times. Unfortunately, my emotions didn't listen. More tears started to pour down my broken face. Which led Mabel to find me. Which led her hugging me while I cried into her shoulder. 

I don't know how much longer I can take this before I crack.