"Fancy seeing such an important person down here." I turn to find the Candor loudmouth trailing behind me giggling at her own insult. I roll my eyes in mock annoyance, grinning slightly when her shoulder knocks into me. Our eyes direct towards the sound of crashing metal, a Factionless man tipping over a garbage can in search of scraps.
"How long will we have to do these patrols?" She ask quietly, he eyes fixated on the man.
"The majority of the Factionless haven't been seen since the night of the Erudite raid, including their leader." I tell her dryly. "Until we know where they're at and what they're doing." I nod my head at the man to emphasize my words. "We will continue to patrol the streets."
"Well, at least you have good company." She laughs, indicating herself. I slightly grin. Through all of my doubts she has become an unexpected friend, one that doesn't insist in me finding the strength to move past Tris. Perhaps her loss of Will has taught her better.
Zeke spots us from a distance, waiving apprehensively for us to come closer. "You know he still thinks you blame him." Christina whispers as we walk.
"I don't." I let her know firmly. I know he would have saved her if he could have. I also know Tris would rather die than another persons blood on her conscious.
"A Factionless man stated their majority is just outside of Amity. They are positioning themselves to have more access to food." Zeke tells me breathlessly. Christina takes the opportunity to excuse herself, leaving the business talk to Zeke and I. We watch as she gets just outside of an earshot before she turns and waves. "You know she cares for you Four, a lot."
I nod in agreement, scanning the ground our feet cover.
"Do you think Tris would mind? You and her?" Zeke as curiously. Hearing her name doesn't sting the way it used to, sometimes I can even bring myself to smile at her memory.
"She would want us to be friends. It would make her happy." Zeke gives me a puzzled look, calculating his next words.
"You mean, you and here? Aren't? More than friends?" His question takes me back. The thought of being with someone else intimately makes my stomach twist.
"That would never happen."
"Oh." He pauses momentarily. "Does she know that?" I stop walking to look at Zeke, he is unusually serious for this type of conversation.
"What do you mean?" I ask sternly.
"Her and Uriah talk." He shrugs, instantly making me curious of what could have been said. "She likes you, and thinks the feeling is mutual. Uriah was disappointed." He says dully. I momentarily feel guilty, remembering the insane jealously I had for Uriah during initiation.
"Well it's not." We finish our patrol in silence. My bottom lip considerable worn at the thought of confronting Christina.
xXx
I manage to avoid Christina after patrols, opting to skip dinner in the dinning hall to find refuge in the training room. I find myself at familiar space, a bag where Tris once trained on. My heart flutters remembering the moment I pressed my hand to her abdomen, telling her to keep tension there. I can still feel her warmth on my palm.
I exhale a sigh while I stretch my fingers before making a fist. My shoulder flex, delivering the power to my biceps to propel my hands forward with each blow. I feel the sweat bead down my back, making its way down the Dauntless flames that wrap my ribs, forever covering the scars I bear. I stop when I hear the door slam and footsteps echo against the walls.
Christina approaches with a smile, I rub the bridge of my nose in frustration. "I thought I might find you here." Her voice is bubbly as usual. "You missed dinner."
I shrug, wiping the sweat from my face. "I wanted to be alone." My voice is deep and emotionless.
"Oh. Well, would you like some company now? We could spar?" She ask happily. I watch her fidget with her hair, her eyes holding mine in anticipation.
"I have to be honest with you." I tell her blankly. "I appreciate your friendship, but I have no intentions of anything more than just that." I watch the disappointment in her eyes as they shift to the ground.
"Oh." Is all she says for a moment before stepping closer. Her hands find my waist and the touch alone feels sickly. I place my hands on her forearms to keep her from making any further movements. "Do you not find me attractive?" Her question is cynical and only validates why I could never want her, not like that.
"I am sorry if I gave you the impression I did. It was never my intention to mislead you." I tell her honestly. Her eyes linger on my lips and I recognize the look in her eyes. It is one I gave Tris many times before I had the courage to finally kiss her.
"Could we just try? Once? It's been so long since I've been with someone." She is almost pleading and I begin to pity her momentarily before we are interrupted by the sound of the door swinging. I jump back slightly, seeing that no one is there. I easily conclude someone thought they were interrupting an intimate moment, ditching out before we knew they were there.
"I don't think so." I say while dropping her hands from my waist. "I actually could never even consider it." I tell her frankly, trying to find a way to excuse myself from this entire conversation.
She huffs in frustration. "Seriously? You could never consider it? Like I am nothing?" She places her hand on her forehead and paces in front of me like a caged beast. "What did you see in her? And how she treated you!" She raises her voice in her rant. "Her lies! And where did it get her? Dead!" Her lip quivers in anger while she eyes me furiously.
"What I saw in her is something a person like you could never understand. I thought you were better. I obviously was mistaken." My throat is tight as I walk away, the wound of losing Tris and her betrayal ripped open by Christina's words.
The training door swings open fiercely by the force of my palms. I stop abruptly at the faint smell of lavender, Tris. I foolishly follow it looking for her, before good reason stops me from chasing a ghost. The corners of my mouth turn down as reality settles on me. She is gone.
My apartment feels like salvation, the solitude is welcoming. I don't care to undress, wrapping myself in the plaid quilt that lost her scent long ago. I absentmindedly stare at the empty spot next to me, running my fingers across the cool sheets. "Why wasn't I enough." I whisper before surrendering to my dreams.
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It has been so long! I apologize. Life has been crazy! This is a short one but I wanted to let you guys know I am still here and will kick out another chapter by the end of the weekend. Only a couple chapters left in book two it I hope they prove to be worth the wait!
