Tiredness burdens my eyes, making it hard to keep them open when we begin loading gear into the trucks. I squint my eyes, straining to see as far down the tunnel as possible. It's rusted out, broken bricks scatter the ground, and broken light fixtures away from the arch. It's different. Not like the destruction in Chicago.
"They say it was fire." Matthew's voice interrupts my thoughts. "Waves of fire and earthquakes came after the explosion. Miles from where it initially hit." He looks down the tunnel silently before continuing. "There are films of the first few impacts, I didn't know power like that existed. I still don't know how anything, anyone is left." He slings his bag over his shoulder, climbing into the front of one of the trucks.
"Four, you'll be in my truck." Amar directs. I feel somewhat anxious to watch Tris climb into the other truck, yet seemingly relieved to not have to face her just yet. That is until I see Marcus knowingly climb in after her.
"I don't think so." I shove past him, knowing he is trailing right behind me, catching my arm just before I pull the truck door open. "He doesn't get near her." He doesn't seem phased by my demand, he is too tired for an argument. Amar pounds the side of the door causing Marcus to open.
"You're with me." Amar says hoarsely at Marcus. I watch as Marcus grits his teeth, his eyes narrowing down to me.
"Reckless to leave her with a truck full a boys don't you think?" He hisses in protest.
"Your boy was good enough to take you down, more than once." Amar says behind his shoulder, walking back to his truck. Marcus sucks air between his teeth, grabbing the bag he carries out and pushes through Amar and I. My eyes must reflect a glimpse of triumph, a look Amar takes notice of.
"This is a long trip, a long battle, lives risked and most likely lost. I need your focus to be on that, and that alone." He sideway glances at Tris before walking away.
My surge of satisfaction diminishes when I climb in to find Tris studying me curiously. I had yet to consider what to say to her in the light of morning. Instead of flustering words, I say nothing. Folding my arms across my chest, letting my head lean back and my eyes close.
I feel Tris' eyes linger on me without looking at her, her frustration building each mile until she finally explodes. "You kissed me." She snaps, pulling a glance from Matthew who cannot hide his jealousy.
I look at her quietly. "I haven't forgotten." I feel the fury building in her, I subtly brace myself, watching cautiously from the corner of my eye. To my surprise she shrinks back, a look of sadness and rejection crosses her face. It's then when I realize she feels used by my own selfish needs.
I want to comfort her, but she has never wanted to be thought of as weak. So I stay silent, nervously watching out the window at the undiscovered land around me.
The truck begins to slow, almost to a stop causing me sit up straighter. "Fuel stop." Matthew says flatly, everyone out. His arm blocks Tris when she tries to follow me out. "Not you, you stay hidden."
"I want to help. I'm not useless."
Her look is the one she held her first right during initiation, which pains me. "Cover me?" I ask, handing her the rifle from the back. "You'll have a better view guarded from the sun in here." She smiles shyly, grabbing the gun without hesitation.
"You have a way with her huh?" Matthew ask as we walk from the truck.
"Way?" I question.
"You know, to make her believe she is helping."
"Did you really believe I would trust anyone less than her with my life?" I say it loud enough for Tris to hear, for her to know the sincerity of my words. To also persuade her to stay in the vehicle as my six.
