Envious Love[Demi Lovato]

Chapter one

You were 16, in the last year of high school and you hated it, I mean  well.. when I say you hated it, that was a bit too extreme… you had a few friends but, no you weren’t miss popular who was praised by everyone around you. Sometimes you wished you were more like that, but you weren’t and you were happy with yourself for that deep down. You didn’t want to turn into a bitch, because most of them where.. and when people joined the groups they instantly changed into a bitch. Everyone knew that.. people would be dragged into the groups and instantly change into someone no one wants to be and no one who wasn’t popular wanted to know them. They all seemed to think they where praised by everyone around them, as if everyone liked them and everybody wanted to be them. But it wasn’t like that at all. Infact most people despised of the popular group in high school. There was the biggest one in your year. They would walk around and push into people, wear short skirts and crop tops.. inappropriate clothing for school and didn’t care about work at all. But the worst was, they had no respect for people.  And when I say that it doesn’t mean you’re a big nerd.. I mean you wasn’t in love with the work that you always had to do. You did get good grades but that was just because you where intelligent.  You skipped classes with your friends and got in trouble, but you would never talk down to someone or hurt someone before they did anything to you. Plus you usually only skipped classes because your friends wanted to. You where happy with your grades, getting B’s and A’s … you liked being intelligent but it did sometimes help with getting picked on.

You were a shy girl, you where loud when you got comfortable with someone but you had your own issues, issues that weren’t your fault, your past developed them on you and you just cant get out of bad habits anymore. Being in the last year of school it was hard to walk around insecure, to think that you weren’t presentable for the human eye… you didn’t think that you were good enough for people and you didn’t get yourself into relationships. You would get upset by yourself, frustrated and get confused. The feeling was indescribable, you weren’t happy but you wanted to be, you wanted to be a happy girl but you couldn’t get yourself to naturally be secure and sane all the time, you always had big outbursts you couldn’t control. That’s just who you where and you took it out on yourself. Physically…
You had a few issues at home with family but you didn’t want to ever think about that too much, it wasn’t always a big deal, yes you didn’t know your dad and he did use to cause a lot of trouble when you where a child aswell as to your mum but you tried your best to forget it all. Otherwise you just got frustrated again, and when you thought too much and got frustrated with yourself that’s when it got dangerous. You had scars on your thighs… not attacked with them but they where easily noticeable… you had light scars on your arm which wasn’t a great place to have them… you wanted to stop there but something always stopped you form changing and it was proably going to keep doing that.

You never felt sorry for yourself, you just gt angry, you got angry with yourself with the fact that you didn’t feel normal, you didn’t go out all the time and you harmed yourself. You didn’t want to be like that… none knew about you and you wanted it to stay like that, a few people had noticed cuts or scars before but you had just shrugged it off… I mean its not like it was their business…

You sat at home in your room, you had quite a rough day at school.. a typical Monday that you always had, stressfull work and moody teachers aswell as stupid poplars walking around thinking they where cool around you trying to annoy you physically and mentally. You looked around your big room thinking.. you had your own bath room opposite your bed across the room, a desk at the side and beanbags in the corner with a couch along with a tv on the wall.  It was a posh looking room, cream and black, very simple colours. You had canvases on your walls with lights on the walks that glowed the room nicely. You liked your room a lot, maybe that was one of the reason you stayed in it for so long. Well that’s what you hoped anyway.
You thought back to your day sat on your bed.. you had maths class with the usual populars in your class.. you had been picked on quite a lot but you just looked at them … ‘maybe if you just fuck off you’ll actually make friends instead of dickheads like these’ you say to one of the girls… ‘hahahha shut up rat’ she says back as you clench you fists getting angry.. it was the same each time, the same argument and the same hot blood rushing from your fingers to your head making you get angry. You expected it everytime. It was as if you where a bomb ready to explode, everyday these girls picked on you and each time the time expectancy for the bomb to blow up was decreased each time they said something to you.

‘grow up’ you say to her as she laughs again with girls behind her as you notice one girl who you hated the most … Demi.   You and demi had a hate relationship, she was a bitch, the leader of them all almost, she wasn’t nice one bit and you couldnt stand even talking to her.
‘y/n why don’t you just go home and cry to your mum’ she says as you look at her raising one eye brow.. ‘oh is that what you do everytime you go home because you have no real friends?’ you say back feeling the burn through the air almost. You didn’t care what you said you just couldn’t stand her speaking to you like that. You where having a bad day and you where drained, you just wanted to go home you didn’t want to sit and argue with a self centred bitch like how she came across.
‘Do you want a little chat outside?’ she says as you all where getting up to leave class.. you just laughed slightly and her cockiness and follow her.. ‘what do you want’ you say as you lean against the lockers with her infornt, you where playing with your bag trying to get your phone as if you weren’t even bothered about her… ‘guys leave ill meet you out later’ she says to her friends as they all cleared. It made you feel a lot better and safer when they weren’t around… you where always worried one of them where going to hit you as it had happened a few times before and it can always happen again.
‘Seriously demi what do you want’ yout spit your words at her… ‘just a little chat’ she says as her sarcasm shined through… ‘… about your attitude towards me’ she continued,  you couldn’t even stand there..
‘oh fuck off.. not today I cant be bothered’ you say and walk to the side as she followed…. ‘your such a dick y/n look at yourself you think your awesome’ she says to you as you ignored her. Ever since day one of kowing her she harassed you and you just hated it. ‘you know you fucking wanna say something’ she says walking behind you as you walked faster coming out the school nearly…
‘oi looser fucking sy something then’ she says ‘y/n y/n y/n y/n’ she pisses you off  as you loose your temper, she just wouldn’t stop saying things…
You turnt around fasting watching the short black haired girl look at you amused because you finally turn around.  
‘FUCK OFF DEMI I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOUR FCKING PROBLEM IS BUT FUCK OFF’
 you get upset and throw your hardback book at her as you had turnt around making it hit her chest and fall to the ground. Her expression changed to shock at your reactions. You might be a small tiny girl but when you got angry .. you got angry.
 ‘I DON’T FUCKING KNOW WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME BUT YOU TAKE IT AND LEAVE BECAUSE I CANNOT STAND YOU ANYMORE’ You throw your last hardback book at her as you got pretty upset and teary, you had been hearing nothing but arguing last night at home between your mum and her bf which gave you no sleep. You where stressed enough and insecure enough you didn’t need her harassing you. 
You throw the last book and turn around quickly with your walking turning nearly into a jog… you didn’t live far away so you wouldn’t be home soon.

You snap out of it and sit on your bed thinking about how you probably fucked her off so much at the end of the day.. she really had gotten under your skin and you could take it anymore you just had to blow up on her atleast a little.. but hopefully tomorrow would be a little different. But you admitted you said that every night nearly and everyday just seemed to be the same. Never the way you really wanted it to be.