Envious Love[Demi Lovato]

Chapter 6

You cry still in the toilet.. Demi behind holding you as you ignored he uncomfortable touch as you puked down the toilet again for the last time. What a mess.

You got angry with yourself.. letting her see you like this.. it made you so angry.. you worthless girl… stupid … pathetic.. you grab your wrist covered in the bandage and squeeze it trying to relieve the pain.
Meh it did nothing much. I mean, you couldn’t do much anyway. Demi was there.

You sob trying to get up from your knees but fail. You didn’t have enough energy.
‘come on’ you hear demi behind you. This time her hands were around you pulling you up to help, also so you couldn’t fall. And if you did demi would be there.
This is so embarrassing. But you didn’t have enough energy to fight anymore.
It was tiring… exhausting … it drains you. You just wanted to sleep… and never wake up basically.

‘H-has the sickness gone?’  demi says as you had your back to her as she rubbed it trying to comfort you. As much as you wanted it to help and as much a she thought it was helping.. it didn’t. You just got more upset. Feeling more embarrassed.  You nod as the sickness had faded. Yet you where still panicky, still shaking, still upset and simply exhausted. It was hard to have to go to school and then have to come in the toilet to cry, puke or try and calm down because no one in this school has any manners towards you.
You don’t know what to do as the tears stream down your face. You didn’t want to turn around so you where seen by her. You weren’t stupid.. This was the last thing you wanted to do around her. Well you didn’t want to be around her at all but crying being emotionally unstable was not for her eyes. But for the past few days she hadn’t seemed to get out your way.

‘T-thanks.’ You whisper as what she was doing started to help a little… releasing the tension but your head still thumped and your body still shook.
You didn’t know what to say or do with her there, it was making you slightly uneasy. All you could hear was the sound of your clothes rustling and your sobs along with heavy breaths. It was not comfortable at all. Yet demi never made you feel comfortable. There was no change there.

Breathing heavily you close your eyes and take a deep shaking breath…
right… where was your phone? You thought.
Looking down seeing it beside the toilet where you left it you grab it standing up again… still not looking at demi.
Slowly straightening up you breathe and mumble … ‘fucking hell’ at all the exhaustion taking over. You look at your phone after blinking for focus and see a message. From liz.

Liz
*are you okay?!*
You realised you hadn’t messaged back before because you came into here. opps. You press to replying thinking pf what to say still with your back to demi, her hands still on your back rubbing.
*no, my lifes a mess*
You huff and press send putting your phone in your pocket suddenly hearing a ping.
aye?
Demis hands stops rubbing then hesitates to start carrying on. Alarming you.
How come demis phone did that? As soon as your message delivered to ‘liz’s phone’.
‘W-wha-?’ you stop to turn around as demi looked down on your teary, baggy eyed face. You couldn’t imagine how you looked.
Pale, tired and distressed.
You think for a second…
‘Aren’t you going to look at that?-‘
You hesitate asking her as she shrugs and you feel anger throught your body.
She moves her eyes away from you not making contact… you where right. What you thought for a split second was right. It was her.
IT WAS HER YOU FUCKING TOLD HER EVERYTHING. HOW YOU FEEL. YOUR ISUES. FAMILY, AND MORE. SHE WAS PRETENDING TO BE LIZ.
You feel more tears run down your face. No no no.
You conscience falls to the ground..  
This can’t be happening this can’t happen. She’s nearly the most popular girl in school. She cannot know everything she CAN’T.
You clench your fists in front of her at their sides looking in her eyes and you breathe…  ‘y-you’ you choke as she takes her phone out her pocket hesitating to look.. then looking her eyes open and sigh at what she sees.
You snatch it not thinking twice as she tried to stop you but doesn’t work quick enough… then you see it.
your name next to a kiss with the message.. the one you just sent. The exact same one.
*no, my lifes a mess*
You feel the need to throw her phone..  throw yours.. to throw yourself even. Anything… anything to let something out. She cant know this, she cant know any of this. All this time you’ve acted so strong. So unaffected by her comments and bullying by her friends. And now you go and blow the truth out to some girl you thought existed in your contacts.
Your legs weaken feeling the need to crash down on the floor along with your concience but you don’t… ‘WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT’ you scream clenching hold of her phone as tears run down your face at maximum speed.
She takes back the phone not saying anything… just looking down at the text as if she was disappointed.
This was unbelievable.
You where crying right infornt of her… probably the worst you could… so vulnerable. She could pull out a gun out on you right now and she could shoot, you wouldn’t care.
‘what the hell do you think you’ve been doing’ you clench your teeth together seriously looking at her as she looks up into your eyes. ‘What the fuck is wrong with you pretending to be someone else… when I thought you where someone I could trust..’
the room goes silent as your face cried silent tears.  Just running down your face … silent sobs you where trying to fight back.

‘it was on facebook..’ she whispers as you feel to need to smash in to something… to let your anger out. Ofcourse it was on facebook. Otherwise she wouldn’t know it.
‘OBVOUSLY’ you shout as she bites her lip.
‘I just wanted to find out..’ she carrys on as you choke,
‘FIND OUT ABOUT MY LIFE MY PERSONAL LIFE !? YOU’VE BEEN TREATING ME LIKE A DOOR MATT FOR OVER A YEAR AND YOU USE THAT. I HATE YOU’
you scream looking around the tiny cubical. It was closing even more by the second. The door being shut and demi stood right infront of it.
‘WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT YOU FUCKING BITCH’  you push her chest with your weak body as she doesn’t barely move.
oh.
‘b-because of the other day’ she says referring to the last incident in the same bathroom you were in now. When she first saw you like this.
‘I just didn’t know you where like… this’ she says quietly as you stand there with your lips pursed together, angrily. Like… this?
‘Whats it to do with you’ you scowl feeling your stomach turn. No not now.
you hold it all down as she carries on.
‘I just wanted to know… I didn’t realise what It was all doing-‘ she stops as you feel your heart beat out its chest. The walls where still closing in.
‘SO YOU FUCKING PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE I THOGUHT YOU WHERE’ you shout then continue…
‘Let me out’ you panic pushing demis chest as she holds your elbows still stood in the way.
You fists where against her chest as you gave up pushing
‘GET ME OUT GET OUT THE WAY’ you shout as you cry almost on her..
Trapped in a cubical with her after all the worst that could happen made you weak… weak and helpless, distressed, messed up.
‘Just understand y/n! she raises her voice as you don’t get let out.. she was restraining you.
‘I CANT !’ you shout closing your eyes feeling like a million people where poking and shouting at you. Your fists where on her chest as her hands where on your elbows as your face was nearly against her chest. bodies so close. Now your hands had moved to your ears as your eyes were closed. Trying to block everything out.
 This is what your anxiety and panic attacks did to you. You felt like so many people where throwing you around, like 10 people where shouting at you at the same time but you where in a tiny box unable to move all at the same time.
You cry and cover your ears with your hands still. You felt pathetic. ‘its getting worse’ you cry as she grips you tighter pushing you back to the toilet with her making you nearly fall, ‘get off me!’ you shout panicing by her touch.
Comfort was not what you where use to.
Falling backwards nearly she grabs you as you clutch her top without thinking. Saving your fall.
‘sit down’ she says calmly with her arms around your shaking body… your head in her neck/shoulder feeling her sit you down as she knelt in front with you finally after you let go…