Envious Love[Demi Lovato]

chapter 7

You sat on the edge of the toilet lid as demi was knelt in front, her hands on either one of your knees looking right up to you. All you could do was cry… it wasn’t something you wanted to cry about. Especially  in front of her. But the fact she knew everything.. the fact your anxiety was getting worse and everything was just getting too much you couldn’t handle it. Even home was too much right now. 
Usually when this happens regularly you could deal with it yourself. With noone around. But when someone is here it makes it 10x harder, especially when its demi. Then finding out what demi had done just tests your limits totally flipping them way out of proportion, way out the boundaries of being fair. 
It made you feel shameful, totally useless and pathetic being sat there crying. The fact you where crying right there infront of her just ripped you to shreds. When you had been acting so un affected for years by her heartful actions.  You didn’t work so hard for her to believe you didn’t care for it all to be taken away now. It made you look pathetic. 
there is a silence in the room as demi opens her mouth ..
‘you need to calm down’ You hear demis soothing tone over your sobs.
 Your eyes where closed as your body was slouched over nearly on demi… your head in your hands as demi had one arm around your waist. 

Your conscience was on the floor… numb. Exactly how you felt. 
All you could do was cry, no words could come out.. all you wanted to do was fall asleep crying right there, like what you did at home. 
Your harsh sounds of crying filled the room endlessly, making you more angry by what you could hear of yourself. It was a never ending circle. 
‘Shhh, its okay’ you hear her as you open your eyes looking down at your hands that you where fiddling with after removing them from your head.. The tears dropped one by one on your hands and legs, exposing how this really was for you. 
Dark, painful and grey. 
'im so so sorry' she repeats over your cries..
you realise your sleeve was ridden up a little showing the bandage as you roll it down taking no notice hoping she wouldn’t either. That’s something you didn’t want her to see in real life, you might have had this conversation with ‘liz’ however you wanted to act as if she had no idea. So you continued ignoring the fact your bandage was just exposed.

Nothing would leave your mouth… all you could do was cry feeling as if you where surrounded by darkness.. seeing nothing but negative thoughts and pictures in your mind. 
Her worried brown eyes where beaming right at you, not letting anything distract her from putting her attention on you… which was odd because you weren’t use to this, from her, or from anyone. And you weren’t sure whether you liked it or not.

'H-how could you do that' you choke pulled into your thoughts...
Im so messed up. You said to yourself. So stupid and vulnerable … so pathetic and helpless. 
Why didn’t It just end the last time it was like this, it isn’t worth it, yet it happens all over again 
You look at her with your teary face, with no expression, trying to read what she was about to say but you couldn’t. all you could feel was the pulling inside of you, twisting and turning making you nauseous, like always. 
Great.
‘You need to go to the nurse, or something else like home’ she says finally breaking the silence other than your cries. 
‘I don’t need a nurse’ you cry confused why she was saying it…. Why did she always mention taking you to the nurse. This was all her fault . 
‘This is your fault!-‘ you say confused again and get cut off as she puts her hand on your cheek … 
she hesitates and then speaks.. 
‘stop y/n your winding yourself up’ ... she obviously had noticed, especially as your body wouldnt stop shaking. 
'im so sorry but i didnt do it for the reasons you think' 
You couldn’t stand her touching you anymore… You where never use to comfort, from anybody. It was always… cry, get on with it yourself and move on. Then do it again the next time. There was never anyone involved, accept Hannah.. rarely. But she was an exception. 
You pushed her away as she stumbles back nearly now not touching you and you sit back pulling your knees to your chest.
 ‘stop touching me’ you cry and wrap your arms around your legs as tight as you could, however still looking at her on the floor. Her confused expression starring right at you. 
she frowns and opens her mouth..
‘W-why are you like this y/n?.. talk to me atleast'  she asks straight out. You scowl at her and look down burying your face in your legs… ‘this is all your fault, you don’t need to comfort me or whatever your doing.’ You sit there as she huffs. ‘and you surely don’t need to touch me to try and make me feel better’ you cry and continue hiding your face. 
‘I’m sorry, I hang around with horrible people… I never meant to-’
the room goes silent as you look up and scrunch your lips together so angry she was making that excuse. So angry you where in here and so frustrated, you needed to lash out. 
‘don’t make that excuse to me … don’t you fucking dare’ you get up as demi was still on the floor about to get up as you grab your bag nearly stumbling again from your weak body.
You think about what to say putting your hands over your eyes wiping the streaming tears. 
 ‘im d-done with your shit… don’t ever speak to me demi’ you wipe your tears as demi stands up. 
‘You just have to let me explain y/n’ she says as you open the door. 
You feel the air hit your face drying your tears almost… you sniff it all away  feeling her hands try and grab your waist. 
what was she doing. 
‘get off me’ you say nearly tripping once more. Your weak knees really not helping.
but that was something you were already use to.
'get off' you repeat pushing her hand as you do what was almost expected from how weak you where feeling still.. you trip still in the bathroom loosing your weak ankles underneath you getting frustrated by demi trying to grab you again.....
your conscience plams her head at you as you see your bag open almost in slow motion infront of you as it came out your arms. Making you take in everything that was happening you see it all.. feeling it all.. Demis attempt to stop you from falling behind you … your bag unravel, feeling your worst fears taking over. Then
Seeing a specific tin roll out opening at the same time as you hit your head on the sinks.