Envious Love[Demi Lovato]

Chapter 2

You sat in your bed looking at the time … it was 2am and you where still not asleep. You where use to this, not sleeping because of your insomnia but it really did get annoying, especially when you knew you had to be up the next day for school at around 7am.
You laid there thinking to yourself as you hummed away to your favourite songs… you always tried to chill out when you couldn’t sleep otherwise a panic attack would start up and you didn’t fancy having one of those at 2am having to walk around the house to distract yourself from passing out or something stupid you have had to deal with all your life.
you lay on your back tracing your fingers on the lumps and bumps you could feel on yoir thighs as your heart instantly sunk… yes you did do this to yourself but even though you wanted to you didn’t actually want to be like this. You would think it’s the right thing to do but really it wasn’t. so when it was done you instantly regretted it. But not always.

You laid there hearing something smash downstairs… you jump and clench on your covers as you where falling asleep a little before until you got woken up. You where so fed up of hearing this nearly everynight. Your mum drinking like she had nothing to live for then arguing with her boyfriend about pointless shit that never made sense anyway because she was drunk.
You sigh hardly and close your eyes… you could hear some shouting and things break … good thing you locked your door aye. You had had dreams before of them coming in your room when you where sleeping causing trouble or hurting you. Your mind worked that way. And ever since the first dream you forced yourself to get a lock on your door.
You laid there still trying not to work out what was being said, when you did that it just played on your mind throughout the ext day and it all added to everything else that had ever been said. You found yourself trying to put pieces together and wrking out problems that don’t even exsist sometimes. So you just did you hardest to fall asleep without listening to it all.

The last thing you remember was moving to your side as you finally drifted off to sleep after hours.

…………….

You woke up the next morning feeling the sun shine brightly through your curtains. You squint feeling your eyelids burn as you didn’t have your contacts on as the sun was way too bright for your tired eyes this early. You pull the covers over your head groaning.. you didn’t want to go to school… not after yesterday.
You could hear the sweet sound of birds, in a way it annoyed you. That birds sounded happier than you… a human. That they actually sounded happy to be up at 7am in the morning but you on the  other hand found it hard to even open your eyes and move a leg.
You squirm as your eyes stung grabbing the glasses from the night stand and you put them on seeing again. Then sitting on the edge of your bed you huff getting up to walk in the bath room.
Looking in the mirror you look around the room.. it was quiet and still… even with you walking in it making noise, it was always the same atmosphere in the morning.
Washing your face and teeth you grab your make up bag after putting contacts in still stood there covering your face with some concealer and then eye liner with mascara… you had straight black hair which hit under your boobs  that you went over a little with your hair straighteners, luckily you didn’t have to make much more effort than to just spray a little hair spray and give it a messy look.
Looking behind you on your radiator through the door you remembered your outfit you placed out for today.. you slipped on blue stylish ripped skinny jeans and a black long sleved top with a pocket on the side boob length. Then you put your converse on giving you not justice with how short you where.
Grabbing your bag you look in the mirror… you thought you looked okay, but that didn’t last longer than a second, its not like you thought that all the time, only sometimes when your makeup was freshly on and your hair was placed the way you wanted it. You huff feeling your anxiety kick in, you where walking down the stairs ready to walk in the kitchen when you bumped into your little 4 year old sister .. kate. ‘Hey baby girl’ you say and pick her up as she giggles hugging you ‘y/n can I have orange juice’ she says as you smile walking you both in there and placing kate on the chair in the middle of the room around the island. ‘There you go’ you say handing her the glass… it was funny how your own mother couldn’t look after kate as much as she should be.. she was already sleeping on the sofa as she had got kate up and left her like she did every morning. ‘thankyou’ she says as you pour yourself a glass and drink some then putting a bottle of water in your bag.
You stand there feeling weird… you almost felt incomplete.. as if you where forgetting something…. Your books. ‘fuck’ you say quietly so kate couldn’t hear… you threw all your books at demi yesterday because you where so angry. ‘oh my god’ you say getting pissed already at how your day was going only at 8am… ‘shes probably binned them’ you say as you kiss kates forehead getting her down form the chair… ‘mum im leaving… wake up look after kate’ you say and kneel to kates height… ‘be good for me today kate, ill be back later okay I love you’ you say and give her sweet kisses as she was holding her bottled orange juice… ‘I love you’ she says in her cute baby voice making you feel bad. Your mum better get her shit in gear.
Looking at the time you leave you house and start walking to school… thingking about how you threw your books at demi… why would you be so stupid.. you had those classes today. Now you where going to get in so much trouble and you would have to pay for them.