Absence

Six

Maria cried with emotions, cradled the baby, and kissed his forehead multiple times for a good 15 minutes. But that's as far as her memory went.

Now, she was awakening, already back in the Big Brother house. The first thing she saw when she opened her eyes was the remote camera hanging from the ceiling, making sounds from the focus ring adjusting.

"Where's my baby?", she said startled, looking around.

"Hey, calm down, Mami. They have the baby. They're bringing him for you to breastfeed in a few minutes", Belinda said, as she offered a glass of water: "Here, you need to hydrate yourself."

Maria was grateful for her empathy. Belinda had been through this; she knew her throat was dry, in need of water.

"You just rest, ok?"

"I need-- I need to pee."

"I'll help you."

They took a good 7 seconds for what it usually took 3 to get to the bathroom.

"Hey, if you need anything, let me know. I'll be right here, ok?"

When Maria closed the door of the bathroom cabinet, she felt relief. Not only due to the pressure on her blatter easing off, but also because the bathroom cabinet was the only place in the house where cameras were off-limits. As she lifted her medical gown to sit and pee, she noticed something strange. A patch of gauze on her lower belly.

Soon as she painfully got to take off the first strip of adhesive plaster holding the bandage, the metallic pitched-down voice ascended: "Attention, Maria: please go to the diary room."

When she arrived in the diary room, one of its walls was partially removed, revealing a dark pathway whence a voice - a human voice - called for Maria.

She walked a good 5 steps until being able to see another room; a baby room. All blue, a crib in the center, children's books by the comfy chair in the corner; and nothing else.

Or so it seemed. Upon approaching, Maria noticed, in the crib, a baby lying peacefully.

"Is this-- Oh my dear..."

Maria approached the crib and awkwardly, filled with caution, held the baby in her arms. The baby cooed and that sound was so unprecedented and moving to Maria, tears slid down from her eyes.

"What should I-- Should I...?"

"Feed him", the metallic pitched-down voice said, scaring Maria, who, for a rare while, forgot she was being filmed and observed.

She sat down and tried to make that moment as natural as possible. After struggling a while to find a way to hide her bosoms from the cameras she imagined were behind the mirror, Maria finally decided to not care about that. Pulled her gawn up, popped her breast out and fed her son.

Amazed at how it only took two tries for him to suck the milk out of her nipples, Maria, for the first time in so long, felt living in the moment. Organically. Her mind calmed. She was there. He was there. Time and space meant something.

And then, it didn't.

"He was wearing a blue...? A blue what, Mami? Go on...", pleaded Ryan, trying hard to show interest and be supportive. Not for his sake, to win something. More like out of pity, offering solace.

Now Maria was in the kitchen, sitting by the counter with all the participants gathered around, eyes and ears on her, for her. Confused, scanning the room, trying to make sense of just being with her baby and all of a sudden back with the show's participants, she noticed Belinda in the back, nodding her head, holding her tears, and leaving the crowd.

"Where is my baby?"

"Y-you were just with him. You were telling us.", Ryan said cautiously with a half-hearted smile.

"B-But where is he now?"

"Listen, Mami; you're tired--"

"Don't Mami me!", Maria yelled with an inner force not yet seen "Who took my baby?!"

Whoa! Whoa!, all participants defended themselves, and reached out to Maria saying it was nothing like that, taking turns saying she should really get some rest because she was tired, and everyone was worried about her... until a voice came from the room:

"Fuck that! Let her do it."

It was Belinda.

"You should yell. You should cry. You should do whatever you want. Fuck that. Fuck them." Belinda was trying hard not to get more emotional, but that wasn't easy: "This is...-- I'm just..."

Maria stood silent, puzzled. The rest of the participants slowly scattered away, leaving the two mothers alone.

"What are you saying?", Maria asked, lost.

Belinda seemed heartbroken. As soon as she opened her mouth to answer her question... the metallic pitched-down voice intervened:

"Belinda, please go to the diary room"

She sighed. And then looked to the ceiling, nodded her head, and with a wry smile, left Maria alone in the kitchen.