Absence

Eight

A triple chopping block, popular vote, Belinda, Stay thirsty. 2 hours later, none of that made sense to Maria. The only thing that made sense was her baby. And where was he? Why was he not on her arms?

As she was leaving for the diary room to ask just that, Big Brother announced through the speakers there was going to be a special immunity trial for the next chopping block and all participants should head to the garden to take part.

Maria insisted: "Ok, I will, but I need to see my baby"

"You will, as soon as you finish the trial."

"But I need him-- he needs me!"

"Maria, he's asleep, it's still 2 hours away from his breastfeeding time, and we need you on the trial because we'll broadcast live on--"

"Fuck the trial!", Maria shouted loudly, making all the participants turn their attention to her.

She, then, proceeded decisively to the diary room. At the door, her hand reached for the knob to open it-- locked. For privacy and control, the door is remotely locked and unlocked by the producers. Maria buzzed the button to make them open, but without granting them time to do so, she pulled the door once more. Denied again. She, then, slams the thick door, while Ryan pleads worried: "Hey, Mami, come on..."

The door is finally unlocked. Maria enters to find the image of her baby sleeping projected on the monitor. She instantly acquiesces her heart.

"You don't want to wake him, do you?", the Big Brother asks.

"No, but... a-are you sure it's only in 2 hours? W-what if I'm on the trial for longer?"

"It's a short trial. Please, we need you in the garden; we're going live in 10 minutes."

"Ok, b-but... about breastfeeding: Big Brother, please show me the last times I breastfed my baby."

There was silence for a while.

"I'm asking to review moments from the house. Please show me the last 3 times I breastfed. You can show that, right? I'm requesting; I'm officially requ--"

"Hold on, Maria", Big Brother interrupted impatiently. Even buried by effects, it was sensible how annoyed the voice was: "We're pulling it from the tapes."

After a good 1 minute, it was projected - time-coded and all - 3 different footages of Maria breastfeeding the baby.

The door buzzes and Ryan comes inside: "Mami, I need you to come with me. Their orders."

The trial was a physical one, but Big Brother wasn't lying. There was no endurance involved, just a short burst of intense activity. The whole trial took 15 minutes - after all, it was broadcasted live on the affiliate streaming service.

Understandably, Maria didn't have her mind in it. Her performance wasn't bad, but Ryan ultimately won the trial and the immunity for the next chopping block.

As he celebrated, with her tongue out from all the running and jumping, Maria laid down on the grass for a breather. Close by, she sees the bottle of water Belinda left for her.

She craves it. She grabs it. She notices something missing. Letters on the label.

Each houseguest had their own water bottles. It would come branded not only with a "Big Brother Mineral Water" label, but with the name of the participant printed in it. On the one Belinda left for Maria, she noticed, there were tiny gaps she probably picked apart herself.

It read: "Belin_a Big Br_ther Mi_eral Wa_er".

A little hole on the "D" in Belinda.

A little hole on the "O" of Big Brother.

A little hole on the "N" of Mineral.

A little hole on the "T" of Water.

D-O-N-T. Don't.

Combined with the endorphins produced by the physical activity, the adrenaline kicks in, and now Maria is focused, willing, aware. Her heart beats fast. She's scared, yes, but it's fly or die; so that feeling takes a backseat. She is suddenly able to tap into things and forces that hadn't been present in a while.

It's all of a sudden logical that she's been having gaps in her mind and that's not normal. No one is that tired, jumping from one place in time to the other with no recollection of what's in between. It's all of a sudden logical that her baby is not with her most of the time. She has no recollection of being with the baby inside the house. The only moment she can remember being with him is the few times she breastfed him, and even that's a blur. She's being drugged and Belinda tried to tell her by telling her not to drink the water.

Maria gets up and walks angrily to the diary room. This time she doesn't hit the buzzer, but it doesn't even matter; the door was already unlocked for her. They were expecting her to go there.

Once she opens the thick soundproofed door, she hears a cry coming from the dark pathway of the partially removed wall. Maria quickly runs to her baby. When she arrives there, he's not crying anymore. Still, she promptly grabs him, pops her breasts out to feed him.

Tired, Maria knows she needs to be careful with what she says or does. There's too much at stake. She knows information is power, she can't say she knows about the water - or they will figure another way to drug her - but can't let it go and not address the fact that the baby is not with her.

She says aloud: "Big Brother, why is my baby not with me the whole time? Why do I only see him when I breastfeed?"

This time it took no time for the answer to come: "Because participants can't have contact with the outside world. Your baby is not a houseguest."

The turmoil inside Maria was already heavy as it was, and that phrase, blatant and nonchalant, was the nail in the coffin for Maria's body. Her mouth, desert-dry from the trial and lack of water, suddenly has a lot of saliva in it. Her heartbeats speed up. Her vision gets blurry. A sterile heat colds her veins as the baby sucks her last drops of strength. She passes out.