Not So Perfect~ Lams

Fourteen

John sighed as him and Lafayette walked back into their apartment after the night at the circus and pizza.

"So, ami," Lafayette started, sitting on the couch. John followed, taking his shoes out and sitting next to him. "You seemed to leave a lot with the Alexander during the night." He said, raising an eyebrow.

John bit his lip and nodded. "Yeah..." he mumbled, rubbing his feet a bit. They hurt sometimes because he was always on his feet.

Lafayette sighed. "You two obviously like each other." He said, taking his phone out. "You like him, John. Like, you really like him," he said.

John tensed a bit. "I don't want to talk about it. You know what my streak is. I can't have a great relationship with anyone or it's off with their head." He sighed.

Lafayette frowned. "I know you believe that. There are times you won't talk to me for a month because you are afraid. But John, it isn't because of you. You've just had some bad luck. Maybe this time, it'll be better." He said, hoping so. He loved seeing his friend light up the way he would when he was around Alexander. Even if being around him was through the phone, John still seemed much happier and it made Lafayette happy. He worried a lot about John.

John frowned, looking at the blanket that had fallen from their couch onto their floor. "I can't take the chance. I can't form an actually relationship because one, he has a family. Two, I can't get him hurt. I'd never forever myself." He sighed, leaning back on the couch and running his hands in his hair.

Lafayette sighed. "Maybe you can't form an actual relationship but you can build a strong friendship. I mean, he is already having an affair. Just let yourself fall in love with him." He said, hoping John would listen.

John tensed at that. "I can't fall in love. I can't. It just gets people hurt. I can't get him hurt. He has a family. And he's extremely sweet. Falling in love with him would just be selfish and rude of me. I can't do it," John sighed, hugging himself tightly.

Lafayette frowned more at John's words. "It isn't selfish. You deserve to have someone to love, John. You've been alone for nearly three years. You shut out people who care and I just don't want you to do that anymore, ami. You deserve happiness and I want you to get it. I think Alexander May be your way to it." He said. It was what he truly believed. John always said he felt lonely, granted, Lafayette did too until recently, so now he had to help John.

John started to tear up a bit. "I miss them..." he whispered, his eyes going soft as he stared at the blanket on the ground. "I hope they know how much I love them. I do. I wish all of them were still here." He said, gentle tears rolling down his cheeks.

Lafayette nodded, keeping his voice soft and gentle now. "I know, Ami. And I'm sure they do." He told him, believing that was true as well.

John nodded a bit. "Things would be so much different if Francis were here." He mumbled. "I'd be in bed school, probably married. He'd be in London and we probably have a cheap apartment together, him pursuing law school and I studying for my dream job." He whispered, making it obvious how much he thought of the alternate world where the accident didn't happen.

"Francis was a good man." Lafayette mumbled. John nodded. "He was. He really was. We were going to be the next Cory and Topanga." He said, giving a dry laugh.

Lafayette nodded. When Francis was still alive, Lafayette has the opportunity to meet him a couple times. He was absolutely perfect for John. Anyone could see it.

"He'd like Alexander. The two would get along." John said, hugging himself a bit tighter. "You think so?" Lafayette asked, getting a nod. "Yeah. The two have similar ways they present themselves." He muttered.

"I talk to him sometimes. When I'm super upset or lonely, I'll talk to him. He doesn't reply, obviously, but it's comforting. At least it still feels like he's here." John took a breath. "When I have to make a really tough decision, I ask him. Then I ask for a sign. Sometimes he'll give one. Though those sometimes could just be coincidences, I like to believe they are him." He sighed. "I asked him about Alexander, if I should continue sleeping with him. I asked for a sign if yet and at that moment, a got a text from Alex." He said.

Lafayette nodded. "Well, maybe it is him. Maybe he's trying to tell you that Alexander is good. Maybe he's trying to help you get to him." He suggested, putting an arm around John and rubbing his shoulder. He knew he wasn't having the best time right then so he didn't mind offering support. He never did.

John shrugged. "I hope so." He whispered.

"God, I hope so..."