Not So Perfect~ Lams

Seventeen

On Tuesday, Alexander checked his mailbox. John hadn't answered any of his text and hadn't been at work. He tried texting Lafayette but he wasn't answering either so Alexander assumed he had done something very wrong.

He checked his mailbox, as the mail normally came on Tuesday. He brought it inside and sat at the counter, flipping through it, seeing a note in a fancy envelope with the words 'To Alex' written in John's handwriting.

Alex put the note away, planning to read it after Philip went to bed, just incase.

Later that night, Alex sat in his office. Philip was asleep and it was just him. He sighed, opening the envelope and reading what the note said, his heart breaking with each word.

My dear boy,

           I'm writing to you this letter in order to inform you of my leaving and confess long held secrets I kept to protect you. I want to start off my telling you that I am not in fact mad at you, rather the opposite. I love you, Alexander. I just can't express those feelings for reasons this letter will explain.

         To explain, I must start from the beginning with the death of my mother. I know you lost your mother and it was a tragedy. I didn't yet feel the need to tell you that I also lost mine. When I was in 8th grade, thirteen years of age, she passed away while giving birth to my youngest sister, Mary. Her death hit me hard and was the first major death in my life, though more would come. I loved my mother. We were close and she meant the world to me so with her gone, part of me was gone as well. I didn't feel complete again until I met Francis.

           I met Francis when I was in the middle of grade nine. He was sweet and we instantly became friends. Our friendship soon blossomed into a romance and by sophomore year, we had made it official. We dated all throughout high school. Everyone agreed we were going to get married. Sadly, he went to Switzerland for college and I went to London. We stayed together, making the it work even with the distance. However, halfway through our freshman year of college, he passed. I fell into a deep depression. I lost the love of my life. It hurt.

          On the anniversary of his death, I got super drunk at a bar. By this time, I was a sophomore. I met a girl and we had sex. We became good friends and then she found out I had gotten her pregnant. We decided to keep it. We were both from rich families who would support us. I was excited. Even Lafayette said I was smiling more than I had since Francis's death. After six months of pregnancy, in January, I was driving the then pregnant Martha to the store. We got hit on the passenger side. Her and the baby passed. It hurt and my depression grew worse. I lost two more people I loved, my close friend and my daughter. It hurt me.

          My father saw how much it hurt me and decided to send my little brother up to visit me. This was a month after the death and of course, I wasn't doing well. He climbed on top of the building I was living in, without my knowledge, and fell, ending in his death. My father was angry, to say the least, and cut me off from his money and the family. I understood, even if it hurt. Lafayette was there. He helped me.

   Lafayette's been through everything with me, since college. I always stayed away though, in fear he would die too. As you can see, I have a pattern of everyone I love dying. I can't let you die. You have a family. You have friends and you've made this wonderful life for yourself. I can't take that away. I can't take a husband from his wife or a father from his kids.

I've resigned my position as a teacher. They will be finding a replacement for me immediately. I'm moving out of my apartment and I'll be deleting your number, as well as blocking it. I know it may seem excessive, but it is to ensure your safety. I can't have your life on my conscience. You may see me around town but please, for both of our sakes, just ignore my presence. I'm not worth the pain.

You are a beautiful soul, my dear boy. You have such a kind heart that could lighten the full world. Eliza is lucky to have you. Love her, she deserves it, especially after this harsh pregnancy. You have a family that you should be proud of. Your life may seem so perfect to everyone else but I was lucky to know you enough to get that your life is not so perfect.

The last thing you can do to honor me or to make me as happy as you can is to let go of my presence. Don't mourn my leaving but don't forget me either. Just let this by a goodbye. And one day, in the afterlife, maybe we will meet again. Maybe I could show you to my dear Francis and my darling Martha. Maybe then my love won't be so bad. Don't forget my love for you. Even if this relationship was short lived, it was real. I have to stop writing or I feel I will never stop. Thank you, Alexander, for giving me a smile and letting me love you.

          Forever in your heart,

Your beloved Laurens

The end