Bellamy Fucking Blake {Bellarke Season 1 Fanfic}

Chapter 3

It happened the same as the previous night. He saw his mom sobbing, saw her stand, saw her turn into the monster. She lunged towards him again.

He woke up to Clarke shaking his shoulders. He let out a strangled cry and realized with a start that he was shivering. Bellamy couldn't help it, he started crying and Clarke just hugged him like she understood. And maybe she did, maybe she had the nightmares too and maybe she just needed someone who understood just like he did.

Regardless of the reason, they fell asleep hugging.

...

Bellamy woke up to giggling. He vaguely remembered the previous night, but when he opened his eyes he saw Octavia standing above him. She was the one laughing.

"O? What the hell?"

Octavia burst out in laughter just as Bellamy felt Clarke stir. With wide eyes, he hushed his sister, but it was too late and Clarke opened her eyes and sat up with a yawn. "B- Bellamy..." Octavia said between laughs. "I couldn't find you yesterday, Monty said you went with Clarke, a- and then I find out you were s- seducing her?"

"It's not like that!" Bellamy snapped, face flushing. "Get out of my tent!"

She did, still cackling and left the tent in awkward silence before Clarke finally broke it with a hesitant laugh. "She... really read that wrong."

Bellamy nodded. "Yeah, well. My head feels much better. I'm going hunting, by myself this time." He told her briskly, still not daring to look at her.

She sighed. "Bellamy Blake," she whispered. "Your stubbornness never ceases to amuse me."

...

Bellamy didn't see Clarke very much that day. When he did, it was mostly just her yelling at him to stay hydrated. Octavia sought him out, taking all the opportunities to tease him that she could.

He ended up having to go hunting later than expected, towards the afternoon. After assuring Clarke that he was fine, many, many times, he grabbed a knife and headed out. They were rationing bullets for the Grounders.

Clarke offered to go hunting with him, but he needed time alone. Bellamy got out into the woods only to realize that he didn't really want to hunt. His veins were itching to do something and he'd thought it was hunting but maybe-

Bellamy buried his head in his arms. Surely he wasn't the only one who felt this way? Clarke must feel it too, right? ...Right?

He stood up suddenly to distract himself from such irrational thoughts but all the blood rushed to his head and he ended up clutching a tree for support and gasping for breath. Suddenly he was dizzy, the pain in his head which was dulled by Clarke's care came back at full force and he gasped. He blinked several times but his eyes were still watering, and fuck, this was useless, wasn't it?

Bellamy took a deep breath and heaved himself away from the tree, stumbling blindly for a few seconds before instincts took over and he found himself leaning against a tree farther down the path. It was going to be a long walk back to the dropship...

...

Clarke was pissed. When he stumbled into camp barely able to walk, she wordlessly grabbed his hand and dragged him into the dropship. "Get out," Clarke snapped at the unlucky few who happened to be inside the dropship. Bellamy fell over onto the bed and she turned to him. "Did you drink any water today? At all?"

"...Yes?"

Clarke sighed loudly and turned her attention towards asking him questions. "Are you feeling light headed?"

He answered mostly honestly. She watched him down a cup of water, afterwards claiming that he felt fine, to which she muttered: "I can't do my job if you're lying to me."

When she finally did let him go, it was dinner time and the whole camp was gathered around a campfire. Bellamy's legs were shaky but it was dark and easy to hide. He could tell Clarke was watching him, and every time he caught her doing it he stared right back. They had a silent staring contest until Octavia noticed and pointed it out to everyone.

Bellamy told the group what they were doing tomorrow as everyone ate. Everybody knew about how he'd been injured and suddenly he wasn't so powerful anymore. People were barely paying attention to him. It made him so annoyed, he was the leader. But he swallowed back his anger and assigned guards to the wall for that night.

He stayed at the campfire, staring into the depths of the coals blandly long after everyone else had gone to sleep. He wanted to sleep, but the nightmare, the stupid nightmare, was what kept him outside.

At about midnight, he heard footsteps behind him. He whipped around but it was only Clarke, walking towards him with her arms crossed. She sat across from him, and the gap in between them with the dying campfire embers suddenly seemed so wide... how he wished he could just-

"Why aren't you asleep?" She asked.

"I'm not tired."

"Bellamy. There are bags under your eyes. We need you at your best tomorrow. The kids are starting to think that you're weak."

"But I'm not, Murphy attacked me!" Bellamy insisted.

Clarke raised her eyebrows at him. "They don't know that."

"Well they should! Why don't they? Murphy's a-"

"You need to sleep."

His anger dissolved as quickly as it had come and suddenly it was a fight to keep the tears from streaming down his face. "I can't sleep." He whispered, and his voice cracked and he hated how he sounded so weak, how close he was to tears just from one stupid sentence...

Clarke stood up and moved next to him. "Why not?"

Bellamy buried his head in his arms, his eyes burning as the tears finally spilled down his face. "The nightmares..." He shook his head, voice muffled because he's talking into his arms. "The nightmares, they come when I sleep and I- I just..."

He didn't want her to see the tears, but she cupped his cheeks and lifted his head to face her. "Is that why you were crying in your sleep last night?" She asked gently.

He hadn't known he was crying.

"Listen Bellamy, I need you to stay strong, okay? I need you here, and so do your people. It's okay to be afraid, but I need you to sleep. I need you to stay strong."

It started to rain.

Clarke glanced up at the sky and smiled, letting go of his cheeks to feel the rain on her palms. Bellamy closed his eyes and tilted his face upwards, letting the rain wash away his tears.

...

Bellamy sat up with a gasp. His eyes flew open, scanning the room for an invisible threat. But no, but no. It was just a dream. He squeezed his eyes shut and willed his body to stop shaking. A choked sob escaped from his clenched lips and he cursed himself for being so weak.

He wanted someone, anyone, to pull him close and hold him tight but there was nobody so he cried alone in his tent, wishing that he was better and knowing that everything was his fault.