A LETTER FROM ME TO YOU (JENLISA)

IT FUCKING HURTS

*JENNIE*

Last day, the pre-nup photoshoot went well and Nayeon was really happy about the outcome of the photos, thanks to the soldier who's also a professional photographer. No wonder why her wife's picture that she kept was really captivating, because she was the one who took it.

Also, right after the photoshoot ended, Lisa and I went back home in Hongdae.
I never dared to looked back what happened during our stay in Busan, a mere memories that I had to forget, feelings I harbored for the soldier that needs to be left there. Erase every single thing and start a new beginning.

On the present day, usual routine happened in the office. One week break from paper works was enough to muster my courage and energy back to its fixed state. Sitting on my swivel chair, a strong woody and fresh scent of rosemary surrounds my cubicle which I strangely missed. I think I came really early in the office, to my advantage, I don't have to deal with Lisa inside the house, but avoiding her was the only thing I can do for now.
During break time, Irene never fail to approach me, asking if I was fine and all. "As part of the audience during that game, all I can say that; what was that Jennie?! Based on what I've witness, you seemed to enjoy the licking part that you ended up passing out, was it too much and too good to you?" I swear I can slap this woman that even her soul would separate from her body. Irene then decided to divert the topic, knowing that she had already pushed all my buttons.

"What's the actual deal between you and Lisa?" She asked.

"Nothing. Like I told you before, we're just friends." Here I am again on this situation. Why do I always have to explain everything? This is getting on my nerves.

"Just to let you know Jennie, Seulgi told me that Lisa is married. So why the hell she's living together with you? Unless you were having a secret relationship with her." She stated.
Okay that was enough reason to explain everything to her. My 30- minute break became a story telling, exposing everything to Irene which she calmly discerned, as if that she had already anticipated it to come.
But what caught me off guard was asking me if I was somehow attracted to the soldier which I utterly refused.

"I ain't believing shit Jennie. I can totally see with my own eyes how you stare at Lisa, and I'm telling you that's not how you look at a friend"
With that, I felt defeated. So I decided to just reveal everything, tell her also that this day I'm going to forget whatever happened back then.

Office hours ended, the clock barely hitting 9 in the evening. With that, I invited Irene for a drink, I don't think going home a bit early is my choice for tonight. Irene and I hit it off for a pojangmacha nearby our company building, selling variety of kimbap, hotteok, mandu, dakkeochi and of course a soju would be a good company for a chilling night. We weren't expecting that the food tent would be loaded by a lot of people during this kind of hour, both of us sighed for defeat knowing the place don't have available seat for the two of us. Luckily, someone called our attention as they both waved their arms, two men wearing their suit and a same company id that me and Irene have.

"We can share our table for the two of you." The man said while the other became mum all of a sudden. Irene looked at me and asked if I want to, of course I did, we proceeded on the table and settled ourselves on the stool that the store owner provided.

"My name is Seungyoon, and this dude right her is Mino." He held out his hand, which I gladly shook.
"You seemed troubled finding a seat, having another company wouldn't be bad right? We also noticed that we are all working on a same company." He added.
The conversation between the four of us went smoothly, Seungyoon and Mino are both from the virtual team. On the other hand, Seungyoon was already married to someone and been in the company for almost six years while Mino, he's a bit oddly strange to be honest, maybe he's just really shy but could reply when he was asked by either his friend of Irene. According to him, he's been working on the company for almost a year, still a rookie. The talk went for two hours, three bottles of soju was all we can manage to finish since we wouldn't dare to get drunk. Seulgi came to fetch Irene and even insisted me to ride with them, but I declined, knowing I also have my car parked near the company building.

When the couple drifted away and so as Seungyoon, Mino offered to walk me along the parking lot. I was about to get inside the car when he asked me, "I know this is sudden, but I don't really want to waste a time. Jennie, I find you really attractive, and if you don't mind, I want to ask you out on a date some other time?" He looked really cute when he fidget his fingers, he seemed nervous and reserved but a good man, also his facial features are utterly dazzling. There's nothing wrong with dating, he's single and so am I.
"Yeah.. sure, why not." I smiled. With my response, his face brightened and looked really happy about it.
He stared at the floor and was grinning widely.
"Shoot. You don't know how glad I am that you said yes."
I bit the inside of my lip, trying to suppress another smile that was about to form, god, he's adoring.

After that night, Mino and I exchanged numbers, eventually going out for a date, watching movies, talk about each other's life. Mino turned out to be an interesting guy, despite of his timid nature, he can be funny and entertaining, at the same time he's a gentleman. Those series of date routine with him made us grew closer with each other.

*LISA*

One week.

It's been one week since Jennie stopped talking to me, she never tried to initiate a conversation with me despite of living in a house together. She became distant and would usually be home really late, there were few times that I tried to talk to her but she would either reply really short or just nod. Her coldness grew more as each day pass, I tried shrugging it off away but later on I became annoyed by her glacial behavior.

Evening came, about 11 p.m. Jennie came home from work, she's usually her normal self to her pet and to other people, but the way she act towards me was completely different. Was it because of the kiss back in Busan? Did she hated me that much of what happened between us? She should've confront all about it to me, I can't help but feel irritated everytime she ignore me, as if that I'm a ghost living inside the house, that my presence deserved to be neglected. Based on her state, she looked really weary, I wanted to ask if she's fine but I know it'll end up for me getting ignored by her.

I just stared at her as she sits on the couch in the livingroom, while I busied myself for a glass of water. All of a sudden, a phone call came for her.

"Hey mino.. yeah I just got home.."
Mino? Since when did she started talking to a guy?
From the tone of her voice, it is evident that she's giddy and enjoyed spending her time talking to some guy. For half an hour, the conversation between them ended, and to my surprise I barely touched the glass of water that I was holding, I realized that I've been being nosy for eavesdropping. And now I'm sulking from something I dont even know. What have gotten to me?

Heaving a sigh. I tried to start up a talk with Jennie, "Jennie, I was wondering if you have eaten already, if not--"

"I already did." Earlier she was all warm and sweet, but when she replied to me with such coldness on her tongue I felt.. somehow hurt.

"T-then that's good." Was all I can say.

"Is there anything else you wanted to say?" He stern tone sends a massive shiver to my skin. I wanted to ask her why she's like this, why she's not her usual self when she's talking to me, didn't she know that it hurts me.

I was mum for a second but ended up speaking again, "the deal. What happened? I thought you'll help me find my--"

"You know what Lisa? For me, I think you should stop looking for her. It's obvious that Chaeyoung doesn't care about you, because if she does, she'll look for you, well apparently, she don't. Which implies that you should give up as well. Aren't you tired enough? Because I've had enough of it Lisa. I'm tired." Jennie replied irritatedly.

Hearing those words from her, made my heart swell in such an intense pain. If I would describe the feeling I felt into words, well, IT. FUCKING. HURTS.
It hurts, do I really have to give up and stop looking for Chaeyoung when she was my damn wife? Never in my mind it had gotten to me. I can't give up looking for Chaeyoung. But what oddly hurts me most is when Jennie's been acting this way towards me, constantly giving me the cold shoulder, and feeling the fear in my chest, knowing she's happy talking to some guy I barely know. Perhaps it's jealousy?
But why? I admit, I am attracted and fascinated by Jennie. I know I should remove this feelings, because I am fucking married and committed to my wife. But why? Why can't I get this feline eyed woman off in my mind?

With Jennie's statement, I didn't respond anymore. I went back to my room and sulked myself all alone. I no longer have the energy to argue with her. I don't want to say something that I might regret later on.

What did you do to me Jennie to feel this way?