Miss Matched // Thomas Sangster Fanfiction

Chapter Seventeen - Memorials and Memoirs

Fleur POV

You've set up a memorial for your parents on the desk in your bedroom. There are a couple of framed photos that you keep tucked away most of the time, but today you have pulled them out. One of them is a photo of your parents and siblings they day they told your brother and sisters that they would be having another baby. McKenzie and Liam have enormous grins on their young faces, but Lavender had apparently broken down into a fit of tears at the news. Maman holds Lavender, but still smiles at the camera, and Dad has his arms wrapped around Liam and McKenzie. You've loved this photo as long as you can remember.

The second photo never felt as significant until after your parents passed away. It was taken on the last birthday you celebrated with them before they died. Your birthday. You turned fourteen that year, and your dad - who had always been wonderful at making beautifully decorated cakes, had made you a cake that resembled the night sky. Even in the picture, you could still see the blue dye on his hands, and splatters of icing on his shirt. The cake was beautiful, with a marbled black and blue sky, tiny icing stars, and a silvery icing moon. You hadn't appreciated it as much at the time, but now, you think back to the cake and remember how much time your dad had spent on it.

And in the photo album, of course, there are many more photos that bring back all the wonderful memories that make you sad now. Things like weekend hikes, and road trips, endless photos of terrible Halloween costumes (because Halloween was your maman's favorite holiday), park days, Sunday naps, and hundreds of other family adventures. Moments like that had been so happy at the time, but they were so hard to miss now.

Erica had left you alone in your dorm for the afternoon, giving you some privacy to mourn. You appreciate it. Your morning with Thomas had been much better than you ever would have anticipated, but you still needed time by yourself today. Soaking in the memories and the thoughts was painful.

As the sky outside darkens, you grab a couple of candles (that you aren't technically supposed to have - but who is going to rat out a girl in mourning) and carefully light the wicks with a contraband lighter. You sit in the dim light for a long time, meditating on what you've lost and trying to sort through your feeling as best you can.

When dinner time has passed, Erica finally comes back to the room, silently. The door open and closes nearly soundlessly. You don't turn to look at her as she grabs her desk chair and pulls it over next to yours. She wraps an arm around you and places her head on your shoulder in an affectionate embrace.

You know that you probably look like a mess right now, but you don't care. Erica isn't the type to care either. She's your best friend after all, and she's here to keep you company. To support you.

After sitting in silence for some time, you finally whisper to Erica, "I still miss them everyday... and the feelings of loss never seem to go away... and the good memories almost seem to haunt me, because they're so happy but... it doesn't feel like that anymore. There just isn't any real happiness anymore."

Erica stares at you sympathetically, her hickory eyes brimming with emotion, "You won't always feel like that, though."

You take a moment to think about her statement, but you respond with, "No, I think I will. It just...won't always be so intense. But, there will always be that resounding feeling of love missing from me. I mean, I know my parents still love me, but I just can't feel it the same way anymore...and I don't want to lose the feeling of loss, because if I do, it means that I'm forgetting them. I don't want that either. I just...wish this empty feeling would go away though. Everything always feels so empty now. Something is always missing from me."

Erica sighs sadly. You glance at her, and know what she's feeling. You know that she wishes your sadness wouldn't wouldn't ache so much. She wishes she could understand more. If there was anything she could truly do to help, she wouldn't hesitate.