Redemption

Chapter III

Renato invited Safiye to go to the cinema together, and she agreed as long as it was the one nearest to her home, and though it was still far she calculated that by skating it would only take her thirty minutes, so she left her home early. Renato was in the parking lot and turning around he spotted her, he opened his arm and she purposely bumped into his chest and he immediately embraced her, "You look beautiful" He said "Thanks" She exclaimed, like she always did when she received a compliment from him, "I don't think they will allow you go inside with those" He commented referring to her rollerblades, "Oh, I brought a pair of sandals in my bag, mind if I leave this in your car and change shoes?" He caressed the side of her face with his thumb, "No, not at all" He answered, and they went to his car where she sat at the passenger seat and changed her shoes, and then accepted his hand and held it through the whole time.

They watched a horror movie that frightened Safiye because the fiction of the movie overcame her reality, while inspiring Renato new horrors he could apply. She held tighter to his hand and grew closer and smaller next to him but he couldn't care less. By the end of the movie Renato was thinking if Safiye's scream could overcome the ones of the actress. Walking out of the cinema and towards his car, she was already thinking of a way to politely refuse without explicitly telling him why she didn't like to get inside cars afraid he wouldn't understand and disregard her as stupid or crazy, while he had already figure her fear and has planed away to get her in, but before any of them could put anything to practice Coy appeared in front of them. "Hi, guys!" He said. Renato narrowed his eyes before turning to look at Safiye, and she shyly looked at him hiding her head in her shoulders, "Hi, Coy" Safiye said annoyed knowing perfectly it wasn't a coincidence and wondering why Coy would do such a thing.

Coy ran towards them to approach them and Safiye could almost feel Renato's blood boiling, just by the feeling of his hand in hers as he squeezed slightly tighter than usual, "Safiye mentioned me about your movie trip, I decided to come to say hi and get to met you better" He said talking directly to Renato, "Well, too bad we decided to come earlier than we first agreed. Right, Safiye?" Renato said possessively, "Right" She agreed looking at the ground, "We were already leaving" He continued, and Safiye began to worry because of her; recklessly talking to Coy, now she could have a problem with Renato, that has brought happiness back to her life, "Don't you wanna stay?" Coy asked Safiye worried about her, noticing her fear and interpreting that the cause was Renato, not seeing it was himself that had caused Safiye's stress. "We were already leaving" Renato angrily but in a quiet voice said taking a step in front of her, "I think she can speak for herself" Coy said, "I'm leaving with him," Safiye said securely and hugged Renato's arm "Bye, Coy" She said, and Renato mockingly smiled at Coy and walked out with Safiye.

They crossed the parking lot in silence, occasionally Safiye looking up at him to see Renato's anger across his face. He didn't open the car's door for her, and went straight to the driver seat. He didn't even had to use the excuse he had prepared to get her in the car because Safiye knew how angry he was, and didn't wish to infuriate him more with what she consider was something so stupid. Inside the car her level of stress increased to the point it was dangerous for her health, feeling cold as if her blood was freezing, feeling earth spinning, and her heart on her throat. She had to deal with the war inside her mind, different thoughts popping out that tortured her, but that were inevitable in the fragile state her mind was after she had lost so many things. It took one tragic event to lose her parents, and unconsciously she has generalized that any inconvenience could lead to the rupture or the loss of anything dear to her. Therefore if she lost Renato she was to blame, for all the moments she has messed up, though those moments only existed in her highly critical mind. Afraid of messing up more by annoying Renato, she didn't dare to point out that he was driving over the speed limit adding more stress to her already stressed mind. Renato didn't notice a thing of what was happening to her, he was tired of waiting, it had been four months and he hadn't been able to finish with her, when previously it didn't take him more than two months. A voice on his head told him he could still take her anywhere he wanted, but he knew he couldn't, because Coy had seen them together because she told him, and the police could easily figure he was to blame if she suddenly disappeared.

When Renato parked in front of her house, she waited a few seconds to quietly gasp for air and wait for him to make the move of opening the door for her, but he didn't even move, and she could only say 'bye' to what he only answered with a hand gesture. She walked out of the car and robotically walked towards her porch having to order her legs to move left, right, left, right. Renato inhaled and thought to himself that he wouldn't allow anyone to ever escape from him, and he is not willing to lose Safiye, so he came out of the car and approached her just in time to catch her in the air as she was about to fall. She began to desperately gasp for empty air, that for her lacked of oxygen, having a panic attack "What's wrong?" He said annoyed but in her dizziness she interpreted it as worryness.

Renato helped her seat on the steps on the porch, he kneed in front of her, while caressing her hand. When she finally calmed down she looked at him "I'm sorry" She apologized for nothing, "It's okay. Are you okay? You scared me" He said with his palm on her knee, "I, I'm afraid of getting into cars after my parents accident, and is also my fault Coy appeared, I could tell it angered you, but that's okay, I understand why, I shouldn't be talking about our personal things what we do, or don't do with others" She said, "You don't have to apologize for anything," He said while caressing her cheek, he knew everything he said wouldn't change her mind, she would still blame herself and keep her insecurities alive, but would be enough to consider him her greatest allied, so he proceeded by saying "Nothing is your fault, it's natural to be afraid after what happened to your parents, plus I figured when I saw you always walked or skated, and let me tell you you look incredible cute in your rollerblades" He paused when she laughed, "And I wasn't angry with you for talking to Coy, though a relationship is private, I know you trust him because you see him as a brother, but be careful" He said, "What do you mean?" She said truly not understanding but curious about why she should be careful towards Coy, "He likes you, is evident, the way he kissed you goodbye when he learnt you met a guy, and the way he popped at one of our dates pretending it was a causality when it was obvious it wasn't. I wasn't mad at you but at him for being a crept following us. If he had good morals and value he would have spoken to you he wouldn't try to sabotage your time with someone else. And if he had cared enough he would have tried before and not wait until now." He kept caressing her cheeks with his thumbs as he held her face on his palms while she gently held his wrists.

Safiye doubted if Renato was right, but the doubt was already there making her think about it, "I'm sorry" She said, "Don't worry I already told you it wasn't your fault" He said, "It is, if not fully at least partially. You really think that about Coy?" She asked, "Yes, and I don't doubt he would try to poison you against me to separate us, those things are common in a jealous man," He said, but there was still something inside her that told her otherwise, "But he is a good guy" Her insistence bothered him, but he softly smiled, "I'm not saying he is bad either, but he is not behaving properly or in a mature way, he is like a child only wanting you because someone else has you, he is degrading you to an object, that's not nice. Like I said, if it was important for him and if he had cared enough he would have spoken before, like I'm doing now, I care about you and I want your happiness, and if I'm not your happiness you are free, but I don't see anything turning out well with him" They went silent for a moment, "I don't care about Coy in that way. I care about you" She said and with that moment he considered he had her in his hands.

He got on one knee and raised himself slightly from the ground leaning forward to kiss her, undoubtedly she corresponded, and it was like nothing before for both of them. She experienced her first kiss, and she felt all the cliches that were told to her before, that it felt like fireworks, that it tasted better than the forbidden fruit, like hunny, or wine. But to him, it was transcendental, not by the fact he didn't have to force it, but because there was something unique he couldn't describe. The pain in him and that he wasn't aware of vanished from his soul, the stress in his muscles disappeared and relaxed for the first time ever. It was as if part of her purity was transferred to him; to transform him into the innocent child he once was, and be as vulnerable as when he was the victim of destiny. Memories he so deeply buried came to surface for a brief moment to haunt him, and he felt powerless.

He parted from her lips and opened his eyes to look intensely at hers, the experience brought joy to his spirit, but he couldn't allow it. The conflict that rose in his mind made him feel out of control, and that only caused him to hate Safiye even more. The cold breeze of the night crossed between them. He moved his hand from her cheek to the side of her neck and lightly brushed his thumb over it while observing it, he then pulled her into another kiss, one as cold as the wind. He forced a smile on his lips and wished her a good night, and on his way home he repeatedly told himself to not worry, that everything was going to be over soon.