Redemption

Chapter VI

A few days went by. Renato opened the door for Safiye and offered his arm so she could place her hand. It was a gesture Safiye loved and it made her so happy, that she never placed her hand but hugged his arm instead pressing it against her chest, and once they started walking she would hold it and even rest her head over it. It made him feel loved and special, and whenever Safiye did it, and he would smile at her regardless if she was looking at him or not. Renato would have enjoyed those walks more than he did, if it wasn't because the very first step he took out of the house he would have already spotted Billy, causing Renato to feel annoyed.

"If you don't want to talk to Coy, you can mail it to him," Renato told Safiye about the gift she had been postponing to return to Coy, not wishing to look at him in the eye, "It doesn't matter, I need to learn to be a bit stronger anyways, and firm with my words," She said, squeezing his hand as if showing her strength. Renato held back a genuine smile to hide it from Billy that observed from the distance. "But what if he doesn't accept it?" He asked, "I'll simply leave it over the table, he's the one that chooses what would happen to it," She said, looking at the building before kissing Renato goodbye. She walked into the building, and though Renato was tired of pretending, he still went through the building in front and went to the usual spot to wait for her to come out.

Inside the classroom Safiye took a deep breath, and with small quiet steps approached Coy who didn't acknowledge her, keeping his gaze on the computer screen. Through his peripheral view, he noticed how Safiye left the box with the gift over the table and walked away to the front of the classroom. At the front, Safiye sat next to a girl who looked at her with melancholy. She has occasionally observed Safiye in a pure form, she noticed how Safiye's face carried sorrow, how she never looked forward when walking but kept her eyes on the ground, noticed the attempts of Coy to make her smile, but she especially noticed the change in her when Renato came to her life. She thought to herself that whatever that changed Safiye for the better was something good, and ironically thanked God for it, since the 'sad girl' wasn't sad anymore.

The kind girl noticed Safiye's discontent, and wishing to help her maintain her state of happiness, the girl looked over her shoulder with a great smile introducing herself, "Hello! I'm Mel, what's your name?" The spontaneity of Mel's introduction gave back Safiye's smile, who extended her hand to her while answering, "Safiye" She said, shaking her hand with Mel, "What a beautiful name!" Mel exclaimed, "Thanks" Safiye chuckled. Safiye was happy to have recovered a friend in her class so she wouldn't be alone in the last few days of the spring semester.

Safiye explained on her way back to Renato about the beautiful and natural girl she had met, and how they had many things in common, how they loved Italy's culture, from literature to art, and how Mel told her about her group of friends that met twice a week to talk and discuss movies and books. Renato listened at her with a tranquil expression, while occasionally looking over his shoulder to see how distant Billy was. But once they were at home and in closed doors, Renato took the opportunity to gently kiss her and brush her hair back, finally letting out everything he had to hold back. Though each day that he had to hold back only remained him of the days he never had to follow any limitation.

Every time he had to prevent himself from holding her hand on the street, from innocently smiling at her, from embracing her, and all the things he once had to pretend but now came natural to him; angered him. In search of someone to blame, he first blamed Billy, for coming to his life and ruining it by following them, and wishing to take Safiye, his property, away from him. Unsatisfied, he looked for a second guilty, and he looked at Safiye smiling at him, and cursed the day he met her, it was her that showed into his life and made him change his routine, if it wasn't for her he would have satisfied his needs with someone else and even though he would have call Billy, there would be nothing to obsess over with, and he could be at his evil state of peace.

Renato obsessed with the idea that Safiye was to blame, and having nothing he could do against her, since there was something inside of him that wanted her by his side, he drained his anger by yelling at her whenever he had the opportunity to. "Haven't I told you to do the laundry the days we agreed on!" He paused mid sentence to grab air and yell at her, throwing at her direction a dirty shirt of him, "Rey, I was busy studying," She said with a trembling voice, "Do you have to wash it with your hands or a machine does it for you?" She looked at the ground, hearing the very familiars words again, "I wanted to focus properly, and I thought one day wouldn't hurt" She said, embracing the shirt, remembering the rare morning, where they both found themselves in peace, and she buttoned it up for him and kissed him on the lips before leaving together to do the groceries. "It hurts, if I don't have clothes because it is not like I can bring my whole closet here, it simply wouldn't fit at yours!" Renato knew how stupid the fight was, but how seriously he was damaging Safiye, he knew he had no right to yell at her, and if someone was to blame for the stressful and risky situations they were in, it was him.

The truth angered him more as he refused to accept it, and walked out of the living room to the backyard, sitting at the hammock between two trees. He stayed outside for the whole afternoon and returned when the sun had set. Walking to the refrigerator for water he found the jar almost empty, with only enough water for one cup. He yelled her name, and she threw her pencil on the floor annoyed before slowly walking over to the kitchen to listen at him yelling about the jar being empty, "What do you want me to do!" She yelled back for the first time, but she did it out of pain instead of wrath like he did. "Last time you yelled at me for being full and recently placed on the fridge, you said the water was warm and that I had to be considerate and leave you cold water! I'm trying my best to please you, but you are the one making it impossible! If I go to hug you, you push me away saying you are stressed and tired from work and school, but then you tell me how I don't touch you and I don't take care of you. Tell explicitly everything I. Have. To. Do. And I. And I'll. Do it."

Safiye began to pause with each word, and the very last words were unintendiables, he frowned in fear and ran to her direction holding her as she gasped for air. Her cold hands held to his arm as the panic attack passed. "Tell me what you want me to do, I'll do it the best I can, because I don't want to lose you like everyone else. I know I'm an idiot, and I'm aware I never do things right, I have been told that all my life, just have patience okay," She said with tears in the verge of her eyes. Even with his clouded mind, he was still a man capable of seeing every little detail, nothing went unnoticed, and he replayed her words on his head, I know I'm an idiot, and I'm aware I never do things right, I have been told that all my life, what could she be referring to, who have set her mind to think that way?

Still incapable of apologizing, he embraced her like he has never done before, feeling sorry for his actions and coming to understand her a bit more. He gave her forehead a long gentle kiss and held her against his chest, his breathing soothing her, he knew he had to change his attitude before he did something he could regret. "You don't have to do anything... Forget everything I have said. Just be yourself" It was the nearest thing to an apology he could get to. They showered together and the water washed away her sadness and his wrath, and in the state of tranquility they were able to achieve, they went to bed and slept together with her head over his chest gently raising and falling.