Hold on and Hope

the breaking

Maisie

I try to ignore the burning sensation I feel, but it's impossible to do so. I feel as if someone is shooting lasers at me, but instead of a fast death it's a slow and painful one.

I can't stop shifting uncomfortably in my seat and Harrison seems to notice as he looks down at me multiple times. Not in an annoyed way but he seems concerned.

When I move for the uncountable time Harrison leans down to me. "Are you okay Mais?"

I nod, not wanting to ruin his and Conan's night.

He sighs, his hand unconsciously yet very gently playing with the ends of my hair.

"If you're uncomfortable we can go, I don't mind at all." Despite what he's telling me I can't say that I want to leave.

I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I really, really want to leave and get out of Ervins sight, but if we left now I'd feel a sickening guilt. Conan's evidently enjoying himself and Harrison looks comfortable.

"No, no I'm fine." I try to dismiss his worries but I watch as his eyebrows furrow and he pulls me a little closer to him. Usually I'd pull away, but right I need his protective arm behind me.

I attempt to avoid Ervin's gaze, but I'm proven unsuccessful when he turns to Harrison.

"Harrison." He grabs Harrison's attention and Harrison compiles, not realising that he's the reason I want to be buried 6ft underground right now.

"Ervin." He murmurs, not sounding too happy to be talking with him.

I've never seen Harrison and Ervin together in school, so I'm guessing they only speak at parties. I could be wrong though, it's not like I'm exactly friends with Harrison.

That's because you can't make any friends.

Silly me, I almost forgot for a second.

"Want to go out for a smoke mate?" Ervin asks Harrison but his eyes don't remove themselves from me.

My sudden tiny burst of confidence has dissipated and I really want to put my jacket back on.

Harrison shakes his head and I sigh in relief at his answer. "No." He declines rudely. A little bit of stress falls from my shoulders knowing he won't be leaving me to go out for a smoke with Ervin.

But suddenly all that relief that washed over me is poured straight back on when Ervin turns to me. He has an evil glint in his eye and I shrink back into the sofa, as if that would help my situation at all.

'Maisie, darling, would you like to come out for a smoke?" The fact that I can already see where this is going makes me sick to my stomach.

At the pathetic nickname that comes from Ervin's mouth Harrison moves his arm from the back of the sofa to around my shoulders. He sends Ervin a warning glare.

I shake my head, rejecting his offer.

Ervin mock frowns. "Trying to quit are we?" He asks in a condescending voice and I start nervous sweating. I've never had anyone to tell about Ervin's bullying, but did I really want to put this problem on Harrison's plate? Would he even want to help me?

"I've never smoked." I choke out, praising myself for not stuttering.

"Oh no, that's right, you prefer the needle don't you." He says and I feel tears prick my eyes. Every time he brings it up my heart stops for a moment and complete sadness washes over me like a tsunami.

Harrison looks down at me and sees me sitting there, just taking Ervin's torment like I always do.

By now a couple of people in the room are watching us, probably sensing the tension. Even Conan has put his drink down and is watching attentively.