Hold on and Hope

scared of dying

Harrison

We finished our meal and despite talking a little with Maisie, she stayed quiet most of the time. Not in a rude way, but it was as if she wasn't always present in her own mind.

It was dark when we left, and I continued to offer Maisie a lift home- she kept denying. After a lot of persuading I finally got her in the car, and that's where we are now.

When she told me her address, I recognised that part of town. She didn't live far from the school, and neither did I, we just lived in different directions from it.

Every now and then, I glance over to her, to see her looking out the window, her finger gently tracing the car door.

"I really like your rings." I tell her honestly.

She looks up at me, quickly hiding the slight surprise in her eyes, but not fast enough for me to not notice the expression.

"Thank you." She holds her hand out, looking down at her rings. I do too, but only for a second before refocusing on the road.

"Where are they from?" I ask, desperately trying to keep the conversation going.

"These two," she points at one that spirals up her middle finger in a leaf pattern, and one that looks like bamboo, "are from a market place I used to go to." I notice how her voice becomes saddened, drier than before.

I don't want to push it, or as why those memories make her sad, so instead I give her a small smile. Not one of sympathy or pity, simply a friendly one.

I see her shake her head slightly in the rear-view mirror before continuing.

"This one was a birthday present from my parents a few years ago." She displays a ring that looks like it's made from delicate flowers.

I nod, and she looks at the last one, sighing lightly. "And this one," she lifts her hand up for me to see, "is my mums."

You would have to be senseless to not see the way her heart is punched when saying those words.

I observe it as we reach a traffic light, taking in every detail. It's a simple silver ring, like the others, and it has three small diamonds engraved into it, the middle one slightly bigger than the other two.

"It's beautiful." I state, the words unintentionally coming out as a whisper.

"Yeah." She breathes back, pulling her hand away from me and placing it under her thigh, as if she were hiding herself.

The rest of the journey is made in silence, but I can somehow tell she's thankful for the peace that rests in the car so I don't try and talk anymore.

"This is it." She says, distaste laced within her tone.

I look out the window to see a small, run-down, house. Not that I would ever judge her house, it could be stunning inside. But something from the way Maisie delayed getting out the car made me think otherwise.

She sits there, her only movement was the way she played with her rings, almost as if it were a comforting method. I wondered why she would need comfort before going into her own house, and the possible reasons made me sick to my stomach.

I don't know what came over me to ask her if she wanted me to come in with her, but I did. At first I wasn't sure if I should regret it or not, but her half-smile told me not to worry about what I said.

She didn't answer, but I already knew what she meant.

"Thank you again for inviting me, I had a really good time." I look into her eyes and study her face, going from her jaw to her eyes to her lips. And then accidentally lingering on her lips for a moment too long.