I love you 3000

chapter 12- guilt

this chapter is really really bad i'm sorry i'm getting worse at this
also GAH i cant believe i wrote this this is embarrassing (if you know me personally PLEASE STOP READING) this gets slightly NSFW as the end
                               ...
E: I don't like how we left things hanging when...u know
sent 7.12
seen 7.12
B: I'm sorry. this thing, whatever it is, it's over.
sent 7.12
seen 7.12
E: i'm not good at relationships...or whatever 'this' is, but I promise I'll try my best to make you happy. Is that not good enough for you?
sent 7.13
seen 7.13
E: Brett...
sent 7.20
seen 7.28

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...

(b.y.)
The last time I broke down half as badly was when she broke my violin. A foreign feeling seemed to swallow me whole - desolation; hollowness. I had never once felt so alone. what have i done? what was i going to do?

eddy's face, his imperfect goofy smile, the way his eyes twinkled mischievously was mercilessly etched into my memory. every breathe i took screamed of my worthlessness, each one killing me slowly on the inside. everything reminded me of him.

what have i done?
its for the best.
i hurt him.
you've done plenty to hurt him, its time to let go.
i need him.
he doesn't need you the slightest. but...i love him.
i'd be lying if i said the feeling's mutual, brett.

voices forcefully echoed through my struggling soul, begging desperately to be heard, crushing my heart one by one. naturally, there was only one thing left to do. that one thing i've always used as my stress reliever, yet somehow always end up regretting. guilt crashed over me as i walked into my room and lay on the bed.
-
slowly, with trembling hands, i pulled the silky bedsheets over me. i had done this so many times, why would this time be any different? i reached down and peeled off my underwear, exposing a throbbing member. i breathed in, unable to believe i was about to do it again. yet i could only think of one person. soft moans echoed in the room as i gingerly wrap my hand around my length and start moving it up and down. 'fuck...fuck...ahh...' i gasp as i harden. i close my eyes as that one person comes to mind - eddy. his muscular arms, his perfect smile, the way his brows furrow when he plays a wrong note...
'f...fuck...eddy...ah...ed...eddy...' i moan as another wave of pleasure rolled through me. i started moving faster and harder, shuddering as pleasure and lust took over my whole body. each bone, each organ seemed to wither as i groan from the building orgasm.'f..fuck...shit...eddy...edd...eddy...' i breathe as i explode in the orgasm. i came all over the bedsheets, out of breathe and incredibly guilty. 'eddy...'