Always (Caskett FanFiction)

Part 10

Part 10

Kate sat on the couch in the living room, wearing yoga pants and one of Castle's button up shirts, she breathed in slowly letting the events of the past three days unravel in her head.  Closing her eyes she inhaled deeply drawing in Castle's scent.  

"When did you get in?" Johanna asked Kate jumped slightly. “Sorry” Johanna said quickly.

“It’s fine I just thought you would be in bed.” Kate said pulling her legs onto the couch.

“Couldn’t sleep, I close my eyes and all I see is that room again.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Kate asked as Johanna came over to sit down.

“I don’t know what there is to talk about.  I don’t, or at least I hope, that you wouldn’t understand.” Kate sighed.

“Tell me and maybe I do know.”  Johanna shook her head, Kate reached out taking her hand. “I know you were tortured, that was obvious the first moment I saw you.  Those bruises are old mom, believe me I know.” Kate said softly.

“It was the only way I knew you and your dad were safe.” Johanna said refusing to look at Kate.

“You did that trying to protect us?” Kate asked shocked.

“I care more about you and your father than I do my own life, if my own pain kept you alive then I would deal with it.” Johanna said finally looking at Kate. “Then when I saw that you had been shot I…”

“That was my own fault mom, I was stupid and didn’t back down even when Castle told me to.  I did that, not you.” Kate said with a sigh.

"I should have just backed down, this is my fault." Johnna said.

“I was at my captains funeral when I was shot.  There was a man across the way with a sniper rifle, the only reason I’m not dead right now is because Castle pushed me to the ground.  Please don’t blame the decisions you made 15 years ago.” Kate said, Johanna’s eyes were filled with tears.

“You’re my little girl, the thought of you in pain and shot terrifies me.” Johanna said softly.

“Well I’ll admit that it sucked and it was the first time that I was truly scared for my life.  When I fell back I looked at my glove and it was covered in blood and I just remember Castle talking to me, telling me to stay with him.  It was the first time he told me he loved me.” Kate said with a soft smile.  

“How can you live with that?” Johanna asked Kate sighed.

“I can’t always, about 6 months after the shooting we had a case where a man was shooting people.  The first victim was shot in the chest and she died instantly.  I think it was the first time where I really wished that I had died instead having to remember it all.  I got PTSD really bad during that case, I wanted so badly to be strong and not let it get to me.  I was NYPD’s finest, I couldn’t let a couple of scars get in my way.  So I pretended nothing was wrong, and that was a really bad idea.  I didn’t know how to control it and it was affecting everything.  One night I came home and I started drinking, I just wanted it to go away, but in the middle of it all I started having these flashbacks to the shooting and… Well it didn’t end well.”

“I keep thinking about being held in those cells, every time I close my eyes it’s like I’m back there.”  Johanna said a little ashamed, she knew she was safe here.

“You want to know what helped me?” Johanna nodded looking at Kate. “Castle, it took a while but he didn’t push and he just...  He let me open up when I was ready.  Don’t push dad away just because you don’t want him to see you in pain.  It doesn’t help, believe me.” Kate said with a sigh. Johanna shook her head Kate looked at her letting out a soft laugh. “What?”

“You’re beautiful, God I wish I hadn’t missed all those years with you.” Johanna was almost in tears.  “But I want to be happy so tell me about Rick.”  Kate laughed.

“We met six years ago, there was a copycat killer who was killing people like Castle does in his Derrick Storm books, he wound up helping on the case and I haven’t been able to get rid of him since.”  Kate laughed.

“When did you get together?” Johanna asked.

“Not till a year after my shooting.  I screwed up and lied to him because I was scared to get into a relationship with him.  But now we’ve been together 2 years.” Kate said with a soft smile.  

“I’m glad your happy.” Johanna smiled.

“What about you?  Are you okay, I know the last couple of days have been crazy” Kate said looking at Johanna.

“I’m happy to be home but I still feel like I’m just waiting for that other shoe to drop...  Do you think you can catch him? The 3xK” Johanna asked.

“I hope so, after looking for him for so long I would give anything to find him and be able to tell the victims families that we caught him.”

“You will, eventually”

“It’s the eventually part is what I’m scared of” Johanna sighed avoiding Kate’s gaze. “What?” Kate asked.

“I saw you being water boarded last year.” Johanna said tears filling her eyes, Kate didn’t know what to say or even what to think. “They had me in a room, it had a TV in it and there was a webcam where… I wanted to do something but I couldn’t.” Johanna said letting out a slow breathe.  

“I’m sorry you had to see that.” Kate said softly.

“How did you make it out of there?  How did you not give up?” Johanna asked.

    “All I could think about was Castle, I knew I wanted to get married and have kids.  The thought of leaving him scared me and made me fight even harder to stay alive.” Kate said playing with the sleeve of her shirt. “I’m so in love with him mom, he’s the best thing to ever happen to me.” Johanna smiled softly.

    “Funny how that happens, people come into our lives and change them for the better.”

    “Yeah somehow no one thought to send me someone who isn’t a 12 year old on a sugar rush.” Kate said with a soft laugh.

    “Just means he keeps you on your toes” Johanna said with a smile.

    “No kidding” Kate smiled laying her head back.

    “We should probably get some sleep, it’s 2am.” Johanna said Kate nodded letting out a sigh.

    “Or we could watch Temptation Lane and fall asleep.” Kate said looking at Johanna out of the corner of her eye.

“I like that idea better.”  Johanna said with a soft smile.  

“My bedroom has a TV” Kate said Johanna laughed getting up from the couch.

“I’ll be in shortly” She said Kate nodded and walked to her bedroom.  When Johanna walked in Kate was on the phone smiling as she spoke.

“Alright, I gotta go, I’ll come see you tomorrow… Love you too” She said before hanging up.  “Sorry, Castle called me cuz he was board and his painkillers were keeping him up.” She said putting her phone down as Johanna sat down in the bed.

    “Not a problem.” Johanna said laying back in the bed while Kate turned on the TV and pulled up Temptation Lane on her computer.  Johanna watched Kate while she played on her computer.

    “Okay so 1999?” She asked Johanna nodded.

    Kate hit play and leaned back into bed laying her head against Johanna’s shoulder. Johanna smiled holding back tears watching the TV but thinking about Kate and what she had missed from her life but also what she could be part of now.  She would make up for the time she had missed eventually.