Who Am I || Kidge, Shallura

Rising Tensions

[A/N End of S3 Episode 7]

"So that's Lotor's plan... to cross into other universes and get the purest quintessence possible," Pidge stated, her eyebrows scrunched together in tension. The importance of the comet, building a teludav, all of it was coming together now. But the fact that it made sense didn't give her any comfort.

"No matter what, we have to stop him," Keith said, voicing the thoughts of the other team members. There was a heavy tension hanging over the Paladins, but they could all come together under that one motive.

Pidge looked up, surveying the team. All their faces shown with a mix of fear and determination, Keith's words uniting them under a single goal. Although the unknown weighed upon their shoulders, the fate of the universe at stake, they weren't alone.

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[A/N S4 Episode 1]

"Well, look who decided to show up," Pidge remarked, a scathing edge to her voice.

"Yeah, are you even taking this seriously?" Lance asked, raising an eyebrow questioningly. Hunk said nothing, but the irritation came across crystal clear from his expression.

"Sorry I'm late," Keith apologized. His voice was tight, rigid, guilty. But there was a sort of edge to it; something else was on his mind.

Pidge felt the guilt rising up in her chest after her biting comment, but she pushed it down with annoyance. Their job was to get the refugees out of the Fimm System, that was all. It wasn't as big as stopping Lotor, but it was just as important. Pidge knew how tough it was for Keith to divide his attention between the Blade of Marmora's missions and Voltron's, to divide his leadership between the universal fight against Lotor and the more focused missions... but it was easier to be angry.

Matt was out there. Her brother was just one blip in the scheme of things, but to Pidge, he meant everything. She was sure that was how these refugees felt. Keith had to see that helping them now was just as important as figuring out Lotor's next move.

They needed a strong leader, they needed Keith. And, Pidge would never admit it aloud, she hadn't quite admitted it to herself either, but she needed him.

Pidge was jolted out of her thoughts as she heard Keith's voice, preparing them for landing. In a few minutes, the refugees were out of their ships, safe, and the Paladins were escorting them out, giving comfort and supplies as they headed to their temporary refuge.

All except one Paladin: Keith. "Of course," Pidge muttered, glancing upwards to see Keith and Shiro talking. After that comment, though, Pidge's logic won out over her irritation. It had to be over something important if Shiro wasn't down there with them.

Pidge continued to work, hiding her emotions with a comforting smile and sarcastic remarks until the Paladins were called back into the Castle. And, of course, Keith had to leave for a Blade mission. Again. When they needed him.

Soon enough, they were on Reiphod, preparing for a "show of arms" as Coran had called it, to boost morale for the liberated planet. And here they were, four lions trying desperately to show off without their leader. She couldn't help but agree with Lance's annoyed comments. Keith was going to ruin the show.

But Blade missions were important, too. Pidge's mind was racing back and forth between emotion and reason, the latter being her more comfortable suit. Of course, none of the Paladins could get their minds off of Keith, but Pidge had more than one reason.

She was worried for him. Planting a tracker on a Galra ship was dangerous enough, but they were infiltrating it as well. Who knew what could be holding him up? All the terrifying "what ifs" raced through her head as she performed.

"They're loving us! Razzle-dazzle!" Lance's triumphant voice jerked Pidge out of her thoughts again. Thankfully, she had managed to stay in formation. But the elation was quickly lost as they were humiliated, floating in the sky in silence, waiting for Keith, their fifth. The crowd waited in awkwardly for Voltron's big reveal, but it never came.

After that day, Keith continued his missions. And the rest of the Paladins continued theirs... without Keith. More rescues, escorts, performances, medical missions. He was hardly there for any of them anymore. They needed him, but he was never there.

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Pidge didn't bother to decipher the time at this point. All she knew was that everyone else had been asleep for hours and she could hardly seem to keep her eyes shut for more than a blink.

This had led her to the control room. When Pidge was back on earth, with Matt...

When Pidge was back on earth, if she couldn't sleep, she'd occupy herself with some sort of research or science. So, that was exactly what she did. At first, she had been sitting at her station, going over all of Lotor's past moves, trying to figure out his strategy, what he would do next. But it was all so obscure... any ideas Pidge thought of, she would quickly write them off as useless. Nothing seemed to fit.

For the next hour, Pidge began researching the consequences of quintessence on the human body. The incident with Lance still haunted her. Why had his lion powered down? Why had he suddenly fainted? It had to be something to do with the quintessence in their psychic link. Obviously, Zarkon's witch had been heavily affected by quintessence, but she was Altean. While their biology was similar, the human body needed to be studied on its own.

Pidge jerked out of her position, close to falling asleep over the screen, when she heard the doors open behind her. Adjusting her glasses, Pidge turned around and peered over the back of the chair.

It was Keith, returning from his most recent Blade mission. He looked unharmed, but his shoulders were unusually slouched. From exhaustion, maybe? Or was it another kind of weight?

"Pidge," Keith said, standing still at the door. The Blade mask dissolved off to show his face. His tone of voice was tight with guilt and emotion.

Pidge turned back around in her seat. No, she wasn't going to acknowledge him. Her conscience swirled in her stomach, urging her to turn back around, but her emotional pride won out. She would ignore him.

"Pidge," Keith said again, a stronger tone to his voice. It wasn't commanding, but there was definitely force in it. He wanted Pidge to see him. He needed to talk to her... he needed her to speak to him.

"What?" Pidge spat, glaring at her monitor. She couldn't see Keith, but Pidge could practically feel Keith tense up more than he already had.

"Pidge, I don't know what to say," Keith began, before trailing off. What could he possibly say to her? How could he possibly convey an apology that would suffice for everything she'd been through?

"Of course you don't," Pidge said quietly, the tension about to its boiling point. "You don't know what to say. You don't know who to choose. Keith, is it me--err, Voltron--or the Blade?" The tension in the room had broken, but not in a good way. Rather, it had sort of boiled over Keith in a rage of Pidge's pent up emotions. Pidge's voice broke, she hadn't meant to mention herself, but it came out that way anyways. She hadn't meant to reveal that she really missed Keith. Not just as her leader, but as something else.

A/N~Wow, back from the dead! I am sincerely sorry for leaving this story for so long. Like Keith right now, I don't really know how to convey an apology good enough, so I hope this and the new chapter suffices. To all the readers who have waited so long for this chapter, I thank you and praise you. To all the new readers, welcome! You all are so amazing. 4.3k reads and 50 votes, and I'm still getting comments! Thank you all so so so much. 

Don't worry, I won't be leaving this story for ages again. I've got the next chapter in the works, and I am hoping to put it out next week. Since I have so much more time my hands, I am hoping to post on a relatively consistent weekly and/or every other week kind of schedule. I am hoping to get back to work on Lotor's Daughter as well. I lost inspiration and love for Voltron for a while there, but it's coming back. I know this chapter was a bit of a filler and, frankly, a bit abrupt, but it had to happen. My writing style has changed immensely in my opinion, so there was a lot more emotional details. I can't wait to go into Keith's side of all this. I hope you all continue to stick with me! Much love <3