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Ever since you were introduced to math, it has always been a struggle for you. Adding and subtracting was so straightforward. And so was division and multiplication, but whenever shapes became involved with math. I was getting my butt kicked.
It's not something I could blame the teacher for. Cause some knew what they were doing, and some didn't. But ultimately, my brain just could not comprehend what I was doing when it came to geometry. Area, perimeter, trig, and everything else in between. But here I was in the student library waiting for my tutor.
Namjoon was a TA at our school. He was a graduate student trying to get his master's in high school math education. Most of the time in class, he was in the corner observing the teacher teach. But lately, he's been helping people like me. Mr. Jang organizes his seating by capability. Students who understand the concept are more towards the back of the classroom and sit together. While the students who struggle sit in the very front and sit together. I don't feel as ashamed when I sit with people that are on my level.
But now, Mr. Jang has Namjoon teach the students who struggle. It's like remediation, tutoring, and a lesson plan all in one class period. So once again, it's 3rd-period pre-calc. Namjoon was sitting at the table with us, and Mr.Jang was lecturing to the other students.
"Hey, Yn."
"Hey." I dropped my bookbag down beside me. Today Namjoon was wearing his large glasses. His broad chest was accentuated in the t-shirt he was wearing. His outfit was casual today. Jeans and converses. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought he was a senior like me.
"So, do you want to go over the homework problems from yesterday?"
I nodded and took out my math binder and calculator. Last night's assignment was okay. Majority of the problems I understood, but I didn't understand any of the word problems.
"I don't think I did any of the word problems correctly."
"Don't worry, that's why I'm here." Namjoon smiled and looked over the math problems. I watched his eyes bounce between the answer key and my paper. I don't know what it is, but I just felt different. Namjoon felt different too.
Usually, I would crack a joke about his serious thinking face. But today, I didn't. I just watched and looked at him. Like honestly, just looking at him. His skin was clear, not a blemish in sight. Although he wasn't as dark as I was, he was relatively tan. Although it was looked down upon in some Asian cultures. It was one of his many charming qualities.
"So far, I only see three problems that we need to go back to. But besides that, you did pretty well. I'm proud."
My heart fluttered at his compliment.
Reviewing my paper again, I see the problems Namjoon was talking about. Not surprised to know that they were word problems.
"May you please help me with the word problems."
"Of course." He pulled up a chair beside me and started writing down the problem on the whiteboard.
I'm gonna be honest with you, I took some time to check out Namjoon again. My heartbeat sped up, and I felt so squeamish. Namjoon has never been this close to me. Although it wasn't much, my body was slowly shifting into overload. Goodness.
"Hey, Yn, did I lose you already?" Namjoon placed the whiteboard down. He looked into my eyes. Quickly feeling self-conscious, I looked down at the board.
"I uh yeah, you kinda lost me. Start over, please." I said, scratching my head. I didn't want Namjoon to call me out again. So I started paying attention to Namjoon's explanation. His voice was so calm and soothing. His accent became more noticeable in his English. Which was also adorable.
Namjoon finished working out the problem. I understood the explanation, and I was feeling confident in my abilities to solve word problems.
"Thank you so much," I said, finishing up a practice problem Namjoon gave me.
"It really does make my day seeing that lightbulb for students click. It's what inspires me to become a teacher."
He's so well-spoken. Was it normal to develop crushes on your tutor? Not to mention the age difference makes it inappropriate for sure. But inside my head, I didn't care. The butterflies in my stomach didn't care either.
"Sorry, guys, I lost track of time." Mr. Jang's voice boomed in the class. It startled me to some degree.
"You guys have two minutes to pack up and go to your next class."
I was disappointed that the class seemed to go by so fast today. Before Namjoon was our TA, I would be praising the heavens for leaving Mr. Jang's class. But Namjoon changed everything for me.
"Aww, don't be disappointed, Yn. I'll be here tomorrow."
I looked up and smiled at him.
"And I'll be here tomorrow." I waved and collected my stuff.
And like he said, he would be there tomorrow, and so would my growing feelings.
