Dusk is the deal-breaker

Chapter 8

I was 22 when I fell in love for the first time. Vithika and I had been friends for 4 years during college but I realised that I was in love with her only when we were parting our ways after graduation. I confessed about my feelings for her on the last day of college and I was extremely thrilled to know that she felt the same way about me.

There was no limit to our happiness, we dived into a relationship immediately but then we realised our paths were in different directions. I had a job offer in Mumbai by then and she was all prepared to take off to the US for her Masters. We hardly had a month time together and so, we decided to take a trip to Goa for a week. We convinced our parents by bluffing that we were individually going with our friends.

Those were the most beautiful 5 days of my life which I will cherish forever. I wished the world would take a pause and stay there forever.

It was late in the evening, the day before we departed. We were both upset and quiet, while we were packing our luggage to leave the next day. We ordered dinner to the room as we were too depressed to go anywhere. After having dinner, Vithika proposed that we go to the beach which was very close by to our place, for the last time. It was an unpopular beach, usually empty. We have already returned our rented vehicle, so we couldn't go too far and hence decided to walk to the closest beach.

It was around 11 pm and the place was completely deserted. Small waves crashed against the shore, fizzing and bubbling on to the golden sand, under the moonlight. The breeze was cold with a salty scent, it was completely silent, except the roaring sound of the waves. Vithika jumped on the sand whenever a wave tried to touch her feet. Every minute I looked at her felt very precious.

We sat there for a while whispering all the possible love lines and laughed at each other's silly lines. We decided to head back after an hour and started walking towards the road when we heard a group of men sitting in between a few trees, drinking and laughing loud. We ignored them and continued walking silently but one of the guys stood on our way, looked at us and called his friends in their language. Vithika looked frightened, but I confidently walked ahead passing the man, holding her hand. In a few seconds, a group of 5 people rounded us and started passing comments looking at her. I was furious and tried to make way by moving one of them but in a flash, two of them held me and pushed me away and one of them grabbed her close to him. She looked horrified and started shouting for help. I tried to go towards her but two of those men guarded me pushing me away. Suddenly it has become extremely dark, as the clouds covered the moon, and the wind blew strong and harsh as if there was a storm coming. I looked around if I can find somebody but failed. They then dragged her into the trees, fading away into the darkness. I was filled with rage, I used all my strength to push the men holding me and yet they stood strong, knocked me on to the ground, punched on my face and kicked in my gut repeatedly until I started bleeding from my nose, incapable to stand up or move. I couldn't see any trace of Vithika and the men in the darkness, but I could hear her suffering, shouting and crying. The darkness felt like a stranglehold, squeezing the life out of me. I pleaded them to stop, shouted and cried for help. The sounds of Vithika screaming and crying out of being tormented, bruised my heart. After a few intolerable minutes of struggle, somebody from the road honked and those goons flew away. I felt like a useless looser but I couldn't do anything. I immediately dragged myself, limping and running in the direction of her voice, to find her. She looked agonised, weeping heavily and spoke nothing.

We returned to our room, she didn't speak a word. I felt like it was all my fault, that I couldn't be strong enough to protect her. I didn't know how to console her or what action to take. At that time, I was too scared and naive to do anything. We returned back to the city and went our ways.

After I returned home, I tried calling her but she never answered, I didn't know how to contact her. I didn't have the guts to go to her house and hence I decided to wait. One fine day after a week, one of my college friends called me to inform that Vithika committed suicide and nobody knows why.

I broke down, as I heard what happened. I was shaken and traumatised, I felt extremely guilty for what happened. Nobody knew anything about it. I was too scared to go and tell anybody, I thought people might blame me for that night. I was devastated and wrecked from inside. I didn't talk to anybody nor went out of my room for a few days. My parents did not understand what was happening to me. They tried talking to me but I avoided everybody.

I left for Mumbai after a few weeks to take the new job. I was lost most of the time. Vithika was present in my thoughts constantly. I couldn't imagine how much physical and mental pain she had gone through. I blamed myself for being incapable to protect her. I never had any friends in my office, I was the weird aloof guy who sits alone and works. Work and being home alone were the only things for almost a year. I couldn't cope with it, I wanted to talk to somebody about it but I was scared that they would judge me and so I kept quiet.

As the years passed, I became better but I couldn't sleep properly for many months. Darkness reminded me of that unfortunate incident and I could still feel and hear the echo of her screaming and weeping, whenever it gets completely dark. It has developed into a kind of phobia over time.