Friendship, Love And Hate

chapter 1 < Not everything I wanted but everything I needed>

My name is Victoria Mae Gibson. And I think my life is pretty average for a teenager. It's not great but it could definitely be a lot worse. For example I could live in traveling circus.   when I'm done with school I want to do something great with my life, break the family streak of mundane life's. Become someone people can learn from. A legend. I can be a singer, maybe a dancer, writer, business woman,  But I don't know how to start. I might as well be a circus clown, as long as it would pay well I think it wouldn't be so bad.  Some say I  have incredibly low standards of great life but I am just realist. You can't have good life with no money. 

What is the epic formula to becoming popular, famous, well known ?
Is it to dress the part. Or to be born with amazing face features, symmetrical face, clear skin, skinny body. Maybe it's your personality, being funny, kind?. Or maybe it has to do something with being talented at something, anything... If its talent I need to find how to make my lack of talent into talent. Again I could be circus clown. But.. even that requires talent which I do not have. 

What if I'm not good at anything.  Of course I'm a good student learning as much as I can. But I'm also not the smartest in my class, but I love the feeling when I am the smartest. When teacher says I did the best work, but that's not what I want to be known for. School grades doesn't define us as a person. You don't need to excel at school to be rich or famous. People are known for the stupidest and smallest things. The first step of becoming influential to others is to set good example of showing that you care about yourself, love yourself.

Do I love myself?  Yea I think I'm average looking. I'm not ugly, but I'm also not pretty. You know, it really messes up image about yourself when all your childhood you were chubby and not the best looking. I have gotten more pretty than I was and I am not chubby anymore but still I don't like the way I look. I have gotten a lot of compliments about my hair. I have really thick and naturally curly hair. And a barber once said I have really pretty natural hair color. I don't love my hair. I like it better straightened and I would like it darker. But when people say I have pretty hair I love the compliments. I don't think I love myself... I just love compliments. Does that make me a narcissist? I don't know.

 I like to be best... at everything... I would never throw other under the bus to be best. Anyways I am not usually praised for being best, I am just kind of there. Most of the time I am barely existing. 

I don't come from very affectionate family. We are not used to hug each other. Say I love you's. Congrats on victory's. We are more like acquaintances I guess. We sometimes ask each other how's it going but only because its what family's do. None of my family members really know me, what are my likes and dislikes. Its not like I am eager to let everyone know about me its just would be nice to talk with someone. All I do now it go to reddit and anonymously let my heart out. On the other hand the less people know about me the less chance I'll get hurt. 

In the house I live with my dad Daniel, my younger brother Cameron who just started eight grade. We are going to different schools though. Our mom left us when I was ten years old, she's and alcoholic. First when she left our home she would at least visit us on holidays but her visits became more rare as time passed. right now the last time I saw her was three years ago. I also have twin sister Veronica Rae but no one besides our family know her. She never vent to school she was homeschooled because she was too afraid of people, mom and mostly dad were trying hard to pay tutor and that made them fight a lot. By the age of thirteen she got better at talking to people. But later it turned out she was drug addict. Where does one even get drugs, she didn't vent out much because of her anxiety. By the age of 16 she ran away from home, we looked everywhere for her even police got involved but nothing, she just disappeared without saying goodbye. But than few days later she sent us letter where she said to stop looking for her and that she is safe. Later it turned out that she now lives with mum. My dad took it really bad, first mom left and now her. my dad is truly my hero and he and Cameron are everything to me.