Friendship, Love And Hate

Chapter 2 <Not like ghost scary>

You know that feeling you have like everyone is watching you, and you try to convince yourself that they are not but you can't get the feeling out of your chest, the heavy feeling like there is bag of rocks hanging by a thread and you are waiting that every second it will break and set you free.

But the you realize that nobody was watching... nobody...not even the closest person that sits next to exit because he is too busy looking for dumb pickup lines to make him appear funnier than he actually is.

And that makes you disappointed, because you would secretly love the feeling when everyone takes in your gaze... which is focused on one person whos desk mate seat is free.

I walk to my new seat and put my bag on the table sitting down in my seat. And then he looks at me, actually notices me. "So we are going to be desk mates!" Says full on smiling Liam. Yes the same Liam I have had crush for it seems like the longest time. 

"Uh it appears so!" I say and immediately face palm. Who even says that. No. Stop. I'm just over reacting. Its totally common phrase just don't speak again. I t...

"So what's up?" He asks me.

"Nothing... why are you asking?" Jesus Victoria Mae why so suspicious sounding, can't you just make a fricking conversation. Why can't I make a normal conversation and not be so tense.

"No reason" he says and looks away I was about to ask him the same question but thankfully teacher walked in. I seriously don't know how to talk to people. 

"Good morning class" he says in a strong voice. Mr. White was my favorite teacher because he was one person in school you could actually go and talk about your problems. Mr. white is in his  early  fifty's, he's good looking for his age. The only thing that makes me curious is why doesn't he have his own family, because I'm sure he would make a great husband and father. Maybe family isn't what everyone desires. But Mr. White is truly incredible person he likes helping students like me. Hopeless existing creatures who are put on this world to fill up empty space.

In our school we have social worker who is there to help us with what ever is bothering us. But she isn't quite fitted to the role for being wise and telling us what to do best, encouraging us to do something when nothing is working for us or even talking when you are lonely.

I once went to her because I had what seemed was a panic attack  because that was the next day my sister got missing.

I talked to her a little, but after twenty minutes when I wasn't willing to talk to her without her asking questions and me answering with yes or no. She gave up on me. She gave up on me. She gave up on me. She fucking gave up on me. Well that's not something new to me.

So then when I was looking like crap from not sleeping and just didn't pay attention to social studies Mr. White asked me to stay after class. And I did because I just thought it would be something about my school work. If I had known that he wanted to talk about my wellbeing I would not have stayed, but now I am glad I did. 

And I actually had a conversation with him, since then when ever I need to talk to someone I go to him. I'm not the only one who goes to him for private little therapy sessions. But he seems to like helping students. He once himself said 'if I don't do it then who will.' But he didn't mean it in a bad way like he's the only one doing something helpful. He sees it as 'every person needs to give some advice back in order to let humanity become understanding.' And to be honest I never understood what he meant by that. Its not like my crappy advices will make any difference.

"For the ones who don't know me. I am Mr. White and I'll be teaching you social studies. I'll be here all year so try to bare with me. And I am not expecting you all to love social studies. I am here to teach and you are here to learn so lets keep it that easy for anyone who is here unwillingly. " He looked down at his paper, I'm guessing to look through whose new to this class " And we have two new students. Riley Hastings and Aaron Jones. Would you mind standing up." He says and looks for new faces.