I flinched at his words. Maybe he felt that too that's why he kept his mouth shut and I couldn't be more glad. Yes, people did taunt me over the year for this but I didnt expect someone who I didnt know to be so outspoken and straightforward about the topic I still felt sour about.
"I might be the first bride who got divorced right after a day I got married." I felt him stiffen beside me when I spoke. "It wasnt the love between us. I was just in love with the idea of who he could potentially be but I do know what love is." I looked at him to find him looking at me already.
His eyes showcased guilt. When he didnt say anything I continued. "Love is forgiving someone even though you swore it was the last time, about five 'last times' ago. Its falling asleep drunk on the thought of another. Love is hurting when they are hurting and smiling when they are smiling." A tear escaped my eyes yet again but I quickly wiped it. I couldn't tell whether or not shayan saw that. But I turned the other way without sparing him a glance. After a good few minutes he spoke.
"Then why are you still single?" His question first confused me. I was angry on him for just taunting me. But I couldnt let his question skip. So nonetheless I answered him.
"Because I choose to be. The person that will be privileged enough to win my love will be my partner, my best friend, my strength. Until I find that person, I won't allow anybody to come into my space and disrupt everything I have builed.
Im worthy of love and I know what I deserve, settling for just anybody isn't something I'm willing to do." I didnt know from where did I find this braveness. I looked at him direct in his eyes with enough confidence.
"You seem so mature. Why did he divorce you?" His question stiffened me. Why did he? I knew the answer but how could I answer that?
How could I say that he used me like a tissue paper and threw it away...
I stayed quite for few minutes and then I answered. "Either I was used or replaced." I didnt even look at him.
No goodbye.
Nothing.
I got up and left. I hailed a taxi and directed him to home.
On the way home, countless of question arose. Why did I tell him all that? From where did I find the confidence? He was stranger to me. But why? Why did I feel the urge to tell him all that? Would he think of me as an stupid? What if he freaked out? Or would he think of me as a emotional person? Would he judge?
"Ma'am we are here." The driver spoke. I nodded at him absetmindedly. I gave him the fare and got out, not bothering to take the change. I Intentionally unheard the calls from the taxi driver. I went inside the house.
Once I removed my slipper and kept my foot in the house umar spoke "look who decided to show up." I ignored his sarcastic comment and went inside my room. I was having a good day but shayan had to ruin it. I locked the door and leaned on it. Shayan's words kept echoing around the room. It kept haunting me. I closed my ears. I let the tears which I had been holding until reaching home which felt forever.
There was continuous knocks and 'open the door' from umar. I ignored them as long as I could. When I couldnt take it anymore I shouted, "Leave me alone." I didnt mean to sound so rude. But It was, Indeed rude. It was harsh to my own ears. I flinched hearing my own words. After that I couldnt hear the knocks and 'open the door'.
All the taunting of different aunties over the year came back rushing to me. What was my mistake? Why am I put in guilt? Rayyan is already married. Shouldnt he be unhappy too? Why me? I dropped myself on the bed, on my stomach. I picked up a pillow and buried my head into it. I screamed hard. I screamed until my throat felt sore. I cried myself to sleep.
YOU ARE READING
Survivors Of The Lost
Short Story2020/05/29 #105 Sorrows #394 spiritual First I thought to tell you everything, What Iam hiding and why? But then I realized, Do you care about it? I love hard. Embarrassingly hard. All in type of hard. But I do silently. I drown the feelings in...