since the 5th grade

Chapter 26

We fall asleep right after that, both of us tired.

"Wake up this instance Luke Robert Hemmings!" Someone yells startling both of us from our deep sleep. It was Luke's mom.

"Look at the time! It's 10:46am on a Tuesday and you guys are in bed?" She yells. "You think you could just take a day off? Well you can't, so get dressed because you guys are still going to school!" She says as she exits the room.

Both me and Luke look at each other with confusion clear on our faces. I guess we had over slept.

"My mom really does know how to start the morning, huh?" Luke says sarcastically.

"It's our fault, too." I say. "We should've remembered to set the alarm." I say as I get out of bed.

"I guess." He mumbles.

I slip into some clean clothes and put on some socks and shoes while Luke does the same. I look into the mirror cringing at the sight of my messy hair and my tired looking eyes.

"Ugh, I should really start wearing makeup." I say.

"No." Luke snaps. "You're perfect without it." He smiles cheekily.

"Sure." I mumble.

"Flowers don't compare to your beauty, princess." He says as he finishes tying his left shoe.

Six Months Later

I hadn't been home in forever and I actually longed to be in my room. To see the same walls I saw while growing up.

Although my mother didn't care to see me at all, or to even hear if I was okay, I still felt like something in my heart was telling me to go see her.

Today was mine and Luke's six month anniversary and I had to say I didn't feel like his love was as strong as before, but it didn't bother me because I always knew he would get like this, like he needed to pull away.

I thought of it like winter. During winter it isn't that the sun is gone. You can still see it in the sky, just a bit further away. The only thing that surprised me was that the time came so soon. Maybe he started seeing me the way I saw myself.

I can't even look at flowers the same way anymore because it reminds me of all the times he told me that the beauty of flowers didn't compare to my beauty, but now I'm starting to feel like just another sunflower in a meadow of roses.

He promised that he would never leave me, but he did, maybe not physically, but his soul wasn't with mine anymore and I knew that.

And I promised that I would never hurt myself again, but I guess that made us even.

The worst part is that Luke is still my whole fucking world and here I am falling apart slowly, bit by bit, and I try to convince myself that he still cares about me, but the reality is he doesn't and he probably wouldn't care if I stopped breathing.

I killed a part of me to keep him alive, but who knew he didn't need that part.

"See you after school?" Luke asks me, his eyes not as bright as before.

"Sure." I say.

He wraps his arms around me, giving me one last hug. Although he still hugged and kissed me, it wasn't the same. I felt his twinkle dying out every day a bit more. I guess I loved and loved until it wasn't enough for him anymore.

Lately, I've been feeling lonely. I've been trying to remind myself that it's okay to be alone sometimes and that I don't need someone to hold me, but it just isn't working anymore.

All this time I've been drinking him like a cure, when maybe he was the poison.

Some say there's always a right time for everything, but maybe it just wasn't our right time.

"Please tell me you love me." I whisper as his arms are still wrapped around me. "Tell me that you love me as much as you did on our one month anniversary. Please don't tell me you don't feel the same anymore." My eyes prickle with tears.

"Don't say that Julie." He rubs my back. "You know I still love you and always will." He presses his lips against mine. "You are my princess after all."

"Maybe your princess isn't good enough anymore." I whisper. During these six months of dating, Luke had taken me to the school councilor a few times in attempt of helping me, but he knew there was no progress going on.

"I love you, don't say that." He kisses me again. "Happy six months by the way." He smiles.

"You remembered?" I smile.

"Of course." He says. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a necklace. He hands it to me.

"Luke." I smile. It was a beautiful crown shaped necklace with my name engraved on it.

"For my princess." He smiles cheekily. He was still such a dork.

"I didn't get you anything though." I frown.

"You don't need too. Being here with me is enough." He smiles.

"I know its not." I say, being completely honest.

"It is." He says. "We better get to class though or we'll be late. I'll see you later okay princess?" He says.

"Alright." I sigh, holding the crown necklace Luke had given me in my hand.

After School

Luke hadn't talked to me during gym today which made me feel kind of shitty. I knew I shouldn't be so attached to people, but I was and I couldn't help it.

I wait for Luke for about 30 minutes after school but he just didn't seem to appear. It wasn't like him to not tell me if he would be staying after school, but maybe something came up. I decide to walk home, telling myself that he would be home, with me, soon.

The day was sunny, birds could be heard chirping, there was a nice breeze. You would expect me to be happy on a day like this, but truthfully, I wasn't.  Sometimes I felt like ripping my skin apart and searching for a reason for why I feel this empty. Maybe my veins are tangled, or something is lodged in my rib cage because it feels... like something inside of me is missing or broken. Maybe it was just the fact that Luke was slipping away right in front of me... or maybe it was something else.

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