21 March 1978
I decided to tell Father. Not about Sev, but about being queer. I remember when he first found out about Sirius, he didn't mind it like Mother did. We sat in his study and talked, man to man. It went really well. He even got out his good plum brandy. Father says it's natural for men to have urges sometimes that can't be satisfied by women, but real men never let their baser urges supersede their sense of duty. I told him I understood that. Father says that, so long as I keep things quiet and do my duty to the family, what I do in private is no one's business but my own. I asked him about marrying Helly, since she finally agreed to the idea. Father says he and Mother will consider the match, and discuss it with her parents, but he doesn't see why it should be a problem. If all goes well, Helly and I will be married the summer after we finish school. I don't understand why Sirius made such a fuss about everything when Father is so reasonable about queerness. He could have had everything. Instead, all he has is a guest bed at the Potters' and a Mudblood boyfriend.
15 May 1978
Sev will be leaving Hogwarts soon. It's hard to imagine what it will be like here with him gone. I'll miss him so much. At least we'll still see one another at hols. I've asked him to visit during Hogsmeade weekends, too, and he says he will think about it. Sometimes he seems very cool about us, like he doesn't really care, but I know he does. Sometimes, when we are doing things together, he is so overcome by passion that he loses control and leaves bruises, or draws blood. Part of me sometimes wonders if he likes hurting me. He hit me last week, but that was only because I made him angry, and he mixed a balm to clear up my black eye and heal my lip before anyone could see it. He's always good about things like that. And sometimes he can be so lovely to me that I feel like the luckiest bloke on earth. We don't have time for much at the moment, though. OWLs and NEWTs are only a few weeks off. Sirius will be gone soon, too. I don't know where he's going. Mother's brother Alphard left him some money when he passed away last summer. I wonder if I will ever even see Sirius again after school finishes?
22 June 1978
I've done it. I've joined the Cause. The ceremony felt like a dream. I thought there would be more people, but it was only My Lord, a few of his people (who were all wearing masks so I couldn't tell who they were), a couple of other new recruits, and Sev, who stood as my sponsor. Sev told me after that the fewer people who know who is in the Organisation, the better. I said my oath of loyalty and drank the potion, and then My Lord put the Mark on my arm. It hurt like fire, but I tried not to make a sound. I wanted Sev to be proud of me. Then My Lord spoke about the great work we have to do, building a world that properly honours those who are blessed with magic, and honours magic itself. I can't describe what it feels like to be part of something so important. It's so much bigger than me or Sev or any of us, but we're going to be the ones building that better world. I really feel like my life is starting. After the ceremony, Sev took me to an inn, and we spent the whole night together. He told me he was proud of me. Mother and Father are proud, too. They said I was the best son any parents could wish for. I only wish Helly could have been there. She didn't want me to join yet. She thinks I'm rushing into it because I want to impress Sev. She thinks I should wait until I've finished school to see how I feel about it, but I just couldn't wait any longer. I hope she's not too cross. I'll tell her before our betrothal ceremony next month.
21 March 1978
I decided to tell Father. Not about Sev, but about being queer. I remember when he first found out about Sirius, he didn't mind it like Mother did. We sat in his study and talked, man to man. It went really well. He even got out his good plum brandy. Father says it's natural for men to have urges sometimes that can't be satisfied by women, but real men never let their baser urges supersede their sense of duty. I told him I understood that. Father says that, so long as I keep things quiet and do my duty to the family, what I do in private is no one's business but my own. I asked him about marrying Helly, since she finally agreed to the idea. Father says he and Mother will consider the match, and discuss it with her parents, but he doesn't see why it should be a problem. If all goes well, Helly and I will be married the summer after we finish school. I don't understand why Sirius made such a fuss about everything when Father is so reasonable about queerness. He could have had everything. Instead, all he has is a guest bed at the Potters' and a Mudblood boyfriend.
15 May 1978
Sev will be leaving Hogwarts soon. It's hard to imagine what it will be like here with him gone. I'll miss him so much. At least we'll still see one another at hols. I've asked him to visit during Hogsmeade weekends, too, and he says he will think about it. Sometimes he seems very cool about us, like he doesn't really care, but I know he does. Sometimes, when we are doing things together, he is so overcome by passion that he loses control and leaves bruises, or draws blood. Part of me sometimes wonders if he likes hurting me. He hit me last week, but that was only because I made him angry, and he mixed a balm to clear up my black eye and heal my lip before anyone could see it. He's always good about things like that. And sometimes he can be so lovely to me that I feel like the luckiest bloke on earth. We don't have time for much at the moment, though. OWLs and NEWTs are only a few weeks off. Sirius will be gone soon, too. I don't know where he's going. Mother's brother Alphard left him some money when he passed away last summer. I wonder if I will ever even see Sirius again after school finishes?
22 June 1978
I've done it. I've joined the Cause. The ceremony felt like a dream. I thought there would be more people, but it was only My Lord, a few of his people (who were all wearing masks so I couldn't tell who they were), a couple of other new recruits, and Sev, who stood as my sponsor. Sev told me after that the fewer people who know who is in the Organisation, the better. I said my oath of loyalty and drank the potion, and then My Lord put the Mark on my arm. It hurt like fire, but I tried not to make a sound. I wanted Sev to be proud of me. Then My Lord spoke about the great work we have to do, building a world that properly honours those who are blessed with magic, and honours magic itself. I can't describe what it feels like to be part of something so important. It's so much bigger than me or Sev or any of us, but we're going to be the ones building that better world. I really feel like my life is starting. After the ceremony, Sev took me to an inn, and we spent the whole night together. He told me he was proud of me. Mother and Father are proud, too. They said I was the best son any parents could wish for. I only wish Helly could have been there. She didn't want me to join yet. She thinks I'm rushing into it because I want to impress Sev. She thinks I should wait until I've finished school to see how I feel about it, but I just couldn't wait any longer. I hope she's not too cross. I'll tell her before our betrothal ceremony next month.
19 August 1978
I still can't believe it. Lupin was a werewolf all this time. It's a scandal. But the trial will be a bigger one, if word gets out. Mother and Father didn't have any choice, though, once they found out. Their heir was corrupted by a Dark creature. Of course they filed charges. Lupin didn't say much during the trial, just sat in the cage with his head down. The judge asked Sirius a lot of personal questions. I don't think I've ever seen him so angry. He finally got fed up and told them that it's no one's business what they do in private. Mother shrieked, and Father said that Lupin had perverted one of the purest wizarding bloodlines left in Britain, and should be put down, or at least sent to Azkaban. Sirius stood up and said in front of everyone that he loves Lupin. He said if his blood was the problem, they could have it, he didn't want it. Then he took out a knife and cut his arm. Everything was sort of chaotic after that. Sirius renounced his name and his bloodrights. The corruption charges were withdrawn, since Sirius was legally no longer a pure-blood, and Lupin was declared not guilty. I couldn't believe Sirius gave up his birthright for a Mudblood and a werewolf. But he loves him. I think he would do anything for Lupin. I don't know if Sev would do the same for me.
