I want to tell you a story of a boy I once knew.
His hair was the color of straw and his eyes were as black as death. He had a smattering of freckles and a mischievous air that was intoxicating; consuming even. His name is not important, although I imagine I will let it slip before this tale is complete. I met him at school, but it is important for you to know exactly how the meeting took place. Slytherins are known for their sharp tongues and unforgiving nature; my brother Sirius may have held the adoration of the castle, but it was me who commanded the dwelling beneath. While Sirius and his band of Marauders were out running amok, I was quietly winning over my peers, one at a time. There is a certain standard that Blacks must live up to, and I was not about to let Sirius have all the glory. I may have met in secret with my brother often, but I was still my own person. He would not be the one to sway me from my narrow minded beliefs, no matter how much he pleaded.
The first time I sat with him I knew he was something special; the way his dark orbs danced with amused understanding was something I would never tire of. His willingness to throw down the bonds of society excited me; he was fearless and ready to stand by my side. It wasn't long before I was forgoing my meetings with Sirius to spend time with him, we would spend hours and hours sprawled out on my four poster, debating the logic of supremacy and ideology. It was unmatched; this understanding from someone my own age and it quickly became my world.
I can tell you the exact moment that our relationship changed, not that I hadn't always secretly known what I felt for him was more than a mere bond of friendship. We were sitting in a deserted corridor in the dungeon, the faint drip of water breaking the stale stench in the background. I was explaining a theory I had entertained about muggle born wizards when it happened. I could feel his body next to me, lined up beside me, the warmth from his thigh permeating through layers of fabric and scorching me. His body shifted slightly and his hand came to rest on my leg, the heat of it sending a shockwave down my spine that left my throat dry. No one had ever laid a hand on my that was not my family before that moment, and as I turned, wide eyed to face him, I could see every single nasty feeling I had kept hidden inside of me returned in his shining gaze. My mouth opened and closed as if trying to somehow catch up with my brain and I stared at him for a long moment, frozen solid until his lips curved into a telling grin.
"I knew it."
Was all he said and then I was nearly paralyzed as a warm mouth pressed gently against mine, the softness of the gesture was electrifying and I gasped, sucking air into my lungs in desperate mouthfuls. I was certain he would pull back and laugh at me, but he did no such thing; he merely shifted, more of his body pressed against me as he once again covered my mouth with his own. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, everything was a singular burn in my core and I was sweating it out as my fingers jumped to life of their own accord, curling into the front of his cloak and holding him close. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew this was wrong, I knew this was something that could never be. We were pureblood men; there were duties that were expected of us that did not include skulking about with other men.
But I couldn't help myself.
Everything about him was intoxicating, I was drunk on his essence and swollen from his kisses and as my fingernails scraped against the worn dungeon walls I knew I could never let him go. It was suddenly very clear that he was the exact thing I had been searching for all this time. He was my best friend, my confidante, and it time, my lover. The day we knelt at The Dark Lord's feet and took his mark was the most powerful memory of them all, a bonding of two souls for one cause. Forever.
Even in death I can't escape him, and I think I am okay with that. This man that took my love and my soul and my life, he is everywhere. Eternally.
Bartemius Crouch Jr. is his name, as promised.
Forever.
