in my head

A Definition

          I usually write such things as these in the notes section of my phone titled 'Brain Barf'; however, it's getting a bit too cluttered, and I've been doing a bit too much thinking. I used to compete in Policy Debate, but a flare of anxiety made me quit. Although, because of my brief career, I've made many acquaintances who more vigorously pursue NSDA glory. I was told a few times that my little pops of creative writing would lead me to a good career in forensics, but I was always just busy enough for forensics to present itself as nothing more than  another stress in my life. I never entertained the thought of actually enrolling, but it stayed long enough for me to wonder if all of those things that I had written, that my friend had read, would be enough to impress a judge in a donated classroom, early on a Saturday morning at a school an hour's bus ride away from my own. Would the shit scraped off the boots of actual coherent thoughts be enough to capitalize on? All of these words that have spoiled and festered in the bowels of my head that get regurgitated into a pile in a section of the notes app on my phone labeled 'Brain Barf'. That is what this journal is. A manure pile of all of the profound thoughts that I don't have the mental bandwidth to entertain. They come up from my stomach and spill out of my mouth and onto the paper, leaving me tired and shaky with tears in my eyes and a distinctly acidic taste in my mouth.