𝙨𝙖𝙮 𝙢𝙮 𝙣𝙖𝙢𝙚 𝘸𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘢𝘯

[❁] thirty-three

The sound of water pelting on hard tiles echoed through the shower as hot steam climbed up the walls, filling the room with warm and stuffy air. Single droplets broke from blond strands of hair and hit the already wet walls, ran down the shower curtain, only to quietly drip into the hot water pool to the boy's feet.

San held his face under the pleasantly warm stream, then he leaned back in defeat and rubbed the remaining water from his eyes. 

Today had been a good day. He had finally filmed the video commercial which he had trained his abs for the whole last two weeks and, on top of that, they had offered him a spot in an upcoming group photo shoot. There was not anything that could have gone better. Afterwards his manager called him and basically promised him a long-term contract as a background dancer, something they both had been desperately searching for for the last few months. San had hit the jackpot, this was an amazing opportunity full of promises of a great future. He had even jogged home instead of taking the bus because his energy level had still been running high. And now, he was deliciously exhausted and finally taking the refreshing shower he had been craving all day long.

But if everything was so picture perfect, why was he feeling so anxious? The feeling was clinging to him like some nasty python, wrapping itself around his body and slowly suffocating him.

He had tried to ignore it, hell, he had come up with the most ridiculous ways to distract himself – why else would he run home after a whole day of hard work – but in the end, when his mind wasn't occupied by concentration and work, it all came rushing back leaving him restless and jittery.

Picking his towel from the stand next to the shower San let out a heavy sigh at the riddle that was his inner turmoil. He was about to dry himself off when the muffled sound of Jongho's voice reached his ears.

이제 닻을 올려라 어두운 맘을 걷어라
어디든지 we can go

A smile tugged at his lips. Jongho's beautiful vocals were a steady pillar in his life, a background soundtrack which made him feel more at ease, no matter how often he told his brother to shut up.

우린 뭐든 뭐든 돼 우릴 따라오면 돼
손을 높게 들어

Busying himself with his routine – drying himself off, getting dressed, brushing his teeth – he relished in the warm feeling that spread through his body while listening to Jongho singing his heart out. He had felt anxious all week and San had tried everything to rid himself from the tension, but nothing had worked and now, somehow, his brother managed to calm him down in merely seconds.

너와 나 타는 불빛 아래 찬란한 그곳으로

His reflection in the mirror shot him a tiny smile. Jongho had the power to make the strain in his features disappear and replace in with something more comfortable and relaxed. His hair was still wet and messy from the shower, his dark eyes told the story of a hard work day staring at him with tired curiosity while he was mechanically brushing his teeth, trying not to accidentally spill any toothpaste on his shirt. But he felt better, his thoughts almost peaceful for the first time in what felt like eternity.

Step one, two, three and one, two, three
Let's go

San's hand froze in the middle of its pursuit of brushing his teeth. At the speed of light his brain replayed the last few lines and connected the dots until a picture appeared in front of him as clear as the day.

Will you be my friend?

Jongho was singing a song by Ateez. Ateez was Wooyoung's group. Wooyoung was San's friend. San's friend who had been lied to by him for months.

"Aish!" San cursed as the situation dawned on him - again. It had hurt so much to lie to Wooyoung, he had eventually stopped answering to his messages. San couldn't bare acting like nothing was wrong when in reality he was making the mistake of his life.

How had it come this far, why had he kept it to himself for such a long time? He trusted Wooyoung. Maybe it was unusual to say this about someone he had never seen in real life and had only spoken to over texts, but yes, he knew Wooyoung. And the boy he knew wasn't someone who would abandon him because he was mute.

Wooyoung was a bright and positive person, a little bit clingy and loud. He would complain to San about the most unnecessary things and San adored listening to his rants, loved to make Wooyoung feel better until he made silly jokes again. The same way San cared for Wooyoung, Wooyoung cared for San. No judgements made, simply being there and supporting the other.

No, he wasn't afraid Wooyoung would leave him over something as his disability.

But he was afraid. He was afraid of the lies he had told. He was afraid of the disappointed in Wooyoung's eyes when he would find out that San hadn't trusted him enough to tell him earlier. He was afraid of the hurt he would cause Wooyoung. And he was afraid all those things would lead to the one thing he feared most: loosing the person he had grown so close to that he couldn't stand going through the day without contacting him at least once.

None of these things mattered though. The longer he kept his secret, the more his fear would grow – the more he would hurt Wooyoung.

And he couldn't have that. He wouldn't.

⭑⭑⭑

A/N
I noticed some of you commented the last time that they didn't get a notification when I published a new chapter? I went through my settings in case it was some accident on my side but I couldn't find anything, so... I genuinely hope it worked this time :)

Also, thank you for being so incredibly understanding about my situation. I'm actually going through a rough patch right now, so I'm really glad you're always so kind and supportive. It makes me feel so much better, thank you.

Last one: I've been getting a lot of notifications about people adding my story to their reading lists. Honestly, I feel so honored and happy. It's a blessing to see you all enjoy my story. When I started writing, I didn't expect this to go anywhere really, thus it's even more incredible to know there are so many readers out there, accompanying me and all the characters of my story. Thank you.

Sorry for the huge note, ooops^^