Acceptance

Tired of pretending.

   Ryan forced a smile at the waitress as she served their meal and left.
He looked at Audrey and waited to see if his heart beat exhilarated in excitement but it was useless. Only Quinn could make him feel that way.
" your face,  what happened to it?, she asked.
"my dad did". Surprisingly,  she wasn't surprised.
" you know he hits me"?' he inquired.
She nodded. "He told me"
Ryan snorted. " father of the century ".
Audrey sighed. " Is there something bothering you"? You look gloomy ".
Ryan held her gaze. " Tell me,  Audrey. What do you like about me? ".
She seemed taken aback by his question. "You are handsome,  cultured and refined".
"That's what the society likes about anybody. Less than that,  you are underqualified.
She shrugged" Then I guess I'm part of the society,  we all are".
He inhaled sharply  " I can't do this"
"what?. She raised her gaze to him.
" I don't love you Audrey  and I know you don't love me too".
" Does it matter?,  she argued.
"It matters because I don't want the type of marriage my dad and mom have. I want to walk my own path, be my own self. I'm tired of pretending, Audrey. What if I'm gay,  what if I love a man,  does it make me any less of a human being?.
Audrey's eyes were as wide as saucers. "you are gay? "
He sighed and nodded.
She suddenly look interested. " how long have you known? ".
He frowned. "since my tweens. Why?"
" just curious ".
He groaned in frustration.
" we could cancel the wedding if you want", she suggested.
"what?,  he looked stunned.
She grinned. "I'm not all that bad,  Ryan. I have a conscience "
Ryan wanted to smile but he remembered his dad. He could handle his mom,  but not his dad.
" Tell him the truth. If he loves you he would accept you for who you are".
He was quiet.
She reached across the table and took his hand. " Do this for your freedom, do it for that man you love ".
Ryan smiled at her,  his eyes welling up.  He took her hand and kissed the back of her palms.
"thank you,  Audrey. Thank you "
She nodded and they went back to dinner.
Ryan felt lighter and he was smiling every now and then.

**********************************
    "How was the dinner date last night?,  Mr Matthews asked in a thrilled tone.
Audrey glanced at Ryan. "it was lovely. We had fun".
" That's what I intend to hear", he chuckled.
Audrey smiled and nodded at Ryan. " Ryan and I would like to discuss a few things with you"
"okay,  I'm all hears"
"Ryan and I came to a conclusion last night that there was no reason to continue with the wedding plans.
The elderly man looked puzzled.
"Why is that"?.
" That's because I'm gay, dad. Marriage between us wouldn't work out", Ryan said in a calm tone,  his gaze intently fixed on his father.
"if the man was angry,  he didn't show it".
" what do you mean gay?. You are a man,  aren't you? "
Ryan nodded. "yes".
"isn't a man supposed to be with a woman?.  Is that not the natural order of life? "he questioned,  his gaze darting between the two youths.
Ryan swallowed. " it is,  but some...
" no buts. The wedding must hold" He stood up,  intending to walk away.
" with all due respect,  sir. Ryan is a fully grown man,  he has the right to decide what he wants for himself ".,Audrey persisted.
" Go home,  Audrey. I need to speak some sense into my son. I'll let you know the outcome of things"
She shifted her gaze to Ryan. Come on,  let me accompany you to the door.
He walked with her to the door.
"come with me,  she said" .
He forced a smile. " I need to stay and defend myself, let him know I'm tired of pretending to be somebody I'm not.
She nodded and hugged him.
" whatever happens,  let me know".
He nodded and watched her leave,  before closing the door behind him and walking back to the Living room .
He met his father standing there with a blank expression.
"come here son. Come give your dad a hug?," he said opening his arms with a smile.
"Dad?, he said , sounding worried. Something was fishy. His dad wouldn't hug anybody let alone him. "
"come on,  Ryan. It's your dad. Don't you trust your old man anymore? ".
Ryan shook his head.  No,  he wasn't going to give in. The truth was that he didn't trust his dad. He never did. He was up to something.
His eyes widened when a gun was suddenly pointed at him.
" If you think I'd let you soil my name,  ruin my reputation by allowing you to be a faggot? ". Think again".
Ryan raised his arms. "Dad,  please,  drop the gun. You don't want to do this. You are angry and I agree i am disappointment. We can discuss this in a different manner. I'm still your son,  being gay doesn't change anything ", he tried to reason.
" Shut up,  Ryan. This is all your mother's fault.
Ryan swallowed a hard lump. "Dad,  plea....
The words remained in his throat when the deafening sound of the gun was released and a bullet lunched itself into his stomach.
  He saw the elderly man's face turned pallid and the gun dropped from his hand and landed on the floor with a thud.
Impulsively,  he looked down at his stomach. His shirt was soaked in his own blood. He slipped to his knees and stared at his father with a mixture of disbelief,  pain, anger and regret. Then,  he fell to his side,  his hand still holding his bleeding stomach. That moment,  he saw his dad rushed to him with a frightened expression on his face. The man loomed over him,  applying pressure on the wound with his own hands.
He heard the distinctive voice of his dad saying he was sorry or it was in his head. His eye lids were becoming heavy and his vision were starting to darken. Different oceans of blue,  yellow and red swirled together before finally.... black.