Broken (Brown Eyed Boy book 2)

Focus (Jared POV)

It felt really good to have done something nice for Jessie after all of the bad I did to her in the past. She was going through a rough time and I was happy to help her through it. It was clear that I was getting an opportunity to mend things with her and I was going to take full advantage of it. But she wasn't the only one I had to make amends with and I knew it. As I stood on the porch, waiting for someone to open the door, I couldn't help but feel tense. The last time Carlos had seen me, he literally tackled me off of a porch and punched me. Honestly, I couldn't blame him. I let my drinking take over and almost ran down his younger sister. The fact that I had hit Jessie instead didn't improve the situation at all.

            The door opened and almost like a repeat of the last time, Carlos was the one to answer it. When he saw me his face seemed to go blank and I didn't know what to expect. But instead of him attacking me again, he just stood there. “Can I help you?” he asked flatly.

            “I wanted to talk to you,” I said hesitantly. “If you don't mind.”

            I could see him debating with himself on what to do. I was sure he was going to say no and I should go to hell but instead he told whoever was inside that he would be right back and closed the door behind him as he stepped out fully on to the porch. “What do you want to say?”

            “Look, I know we didn't exactly start off as best friends last year,” I started. “And I don't expect us to now or anything. But I wanted to apologize for everything. For the trouble I caused you and Jessie last year and for the car accident. I swear I didn't have any intention to hurt anyone and the moment I saw your sister I tried to move out of the way. I know that doesn't make up for what almost happened with her and what did happen with Jessie, but I needed to say it. You know I got help for my drinking and so far I've done pretty good with staying away from it. I want to make up for it any way that I can and I'm already trying with Jessie. I told her everything that I did last year and how you stood up for her-”

            “I know,” Carlos interrupted. “Jessie's mom told me she was with you yesterday. And Jessie told me earlier that you told her the same thing I did.”

            “I didn't want to lie to her again,” I shrugged. “I'm not saying I'm a saint and didn't consider it but I didn't do it. There was a part of me that saw this as the perfect opportunity to act like none of it happened. But then I realized that it wouldn't be fair to her or you and that at any point in time she could regain her memory and it would only make her hate me more. So I decided to go with the truth and hope that when she remembers it all one day she'll keep it in mind what I did and won't hate me as much.”

            “And you thought it would make me hate you less too?” he asked me. “By helping and telling her the truth about what you did and about me?”

            “I figured it wouldn't make much of a difference but it wasn't a bad place to start,” I answered. “For some reason the last thing Jessie remembers is being able to trust me. If I couldn't use that to help you then I wasn't being any different than I was last year.”

            “Right.”

            “Look man, I'm trying,” I continued. “I get that you hate me for everything that I did and that's fine. But I really did care about Jessie okay and I still do. I've known her my whole life and I don't like seeing her this way any more than you do. So I had a bad year and I took it out on her. I'm trying to make up for that and not because the rehab doctors told me I had to but because I honestly want to. Everyone from my old life is gone and has moved on from me. You got to have both of my best friends and now I'm alone. So you can think that I'm doing this because I'm trying to get them back if you want because who knows, maybe that is part of the reason I'm doing this. But the main reason I'm doing it is because I care about Jessie and I'm trying to help her remember the best person she's ever had in her life. And yes, I am admitting that is you.”

            Carlos just stared at me, probably in shock, and I couldn't blame him at all. Hell, I was surprised that I said any of that. In my mind I was mostly doing it because the doctors told me it was my “steps to recovery” but apparently it's not the main reason. Because the main reason was that I cared. Carlos put his hands in his pocket as he looked at me for a few seconds longer in silence and then said, “I don't really care why it is you're helping Jessie. I don't care if it's part of your 12 steps to a better you or because you're trying to earn a get out of hell free card or even if it's because you care about Jessie like you're saying. I don't care that you're trying to earn back some sort of trust from her if she remembers one day or that you're trying to make things better with me now. And I especially don't care that you think I'm the best person that she's ever had in her life.” He paused and I didn't know whether to respond or not until he continued. “But I do appreciate that you told Jessie the truth despite wanting to lie to her to some extent,” he said. “Not a lot of people would've done that in your situation, so thanks I guess.  And as much as it kills me to say this right now, Jessie is probably going to be coming to you every once in a while to figure things out. So I would appreciate it if you would continue telling her the truth. She's going to need all the help she can get to remember things and that means she's going to need more than just me now.”

            “I'll tell her whatever she wants to know,” I responded, shocked by the ending of his speech. “I won't lie to her anymore. About anything.”

            “Thanks,” he said awkwardly. “As for you mending things with me, well, I wouldn't wait for that anytime soon. Not right now anyway.”

            “I wouldn't expect it any other way,” I said. “Right now Jessie should be our focus.”

            “Jessie's always my focus.”