The day I lost my freedom

Clothes

"I'm thinking of buying a slave for you. They are useful also when you want to get rid of anger. I am sure you would enjoy it. It's always good to have someone you can yell at," Kuro suggested.

"You want a slave to have another slave?" I pointed out the irony of it. He suddenly became way more serious.

"I don't like it when you refer to yourself in that way."

"I'll keep calling myself a slave as long as it is true," I said.

"You don't have the same treatment as slaves," he disapproved. I raised my hand and grabbed the collar. By doing that I made clear what I meant.

"You'll run away from me if I remove it," he said sadly.

"Then don't blame me for calling myself a slave."

It almost looks like if I would convince him that I wouldn't run away he would actually remove the collar. But that would be a lie. I know I would run away from him as fast as my legs would let me at the first opportunity and also I don't know how to lie.

"I got used to you, Keira."

He lay still, looking right into my eyes. It reminded me of his condition before the argument. Back then he also just lay there watching me almost without any word.

"Kuro, I..."

I wanted to tell him that I can't get used to life in prison. But would that be true? Before the buyer and the arguments it wasn't that bad. It didn't even come to my mind that I was held there by force.

I didn't finish my sentence.

"I am sorry. I won't give it away. I wouldn't bear losing you," he told me regretfully.

"You don't need me. You can get another slave," I didn't understand. Kuro snorted. He hugged me much tighter. The pain wasn't that bad as it had been in the morning but I could still feel it. Then he hid his head deep into my hair.

"Keira. How the fuck is it possible that you still don't get it?... How come your social thinking is so weak?" he asked quietly.

I turned my head away from him. I didn't want to talk about it. But he carefully rolled over me so he could look into my eyes again.

"So you do know why, is that right? Tell me," he asked.

I sighted and started with my story.

"I was born as an unwanted child. This started to show up especially when my primary school started. I was constantly beaten at home and at school my teacher bullied me. I didn't give her any reason to do that, I just reminded her of someone she hated. She also taught that to the rest of the class so at times when social thinking is developed I didn't have anyone to develop it with. Other children in the class were just laughing at me and I wasn't allowed to go out and play with others. I realized that if I want something I need to get it myself and I was doing so for the rest of my life. I never needed anyone else so I wasn't even looking for any friends. Few times I had a relationship but that alsways ended in disaster."

Kuro didn't know what to say for a moment.

"That's pretty fucked up life. I am sorry," he said.

"You don't have to be sorry. When one grows up in conditions like that and doesn't know anything else, that person can't realize that he or she doesn't have a good life and just lives with what they have. Also if it weren't for life like that I probably wouldn't be able to reach my dream life which I achieved. I benefited from it," I tried to explain to him.

"It certainly didn't improve your ability to socialize," he replied.

"I will rather be without my social feeling than without my dream life," I snapped. Right away I realized I actually didn't have any of these two anymore.