I won't let you go

Telling her

*Reader's POV:*
Judy came back home from the garage. It was later on in the evening and the sun had set. Judy walked into the garden and was deleting pictures of her with her car.
"Hey." Jen spoke up. Judy turned around and gasped.
"Hey.. jeez, you scared the shit out of me." Just says and slowly makes her way over to Jen. Jen was sat on one of the outside chairs with a blanket over her legs. "What are you doing sitting there in the dark?" She asks. "Do shout want me to get that Cabernet?... or, something stronger?" Just looks at Jen and then realises she has slightly smudged mascara as she walks closer to Jen. She looks into the house then back at Jen. "Where are the boys? They asleep?" She asks.
"They're at Lorna's." Jen states, Judy's eyebrows knit together.
"Everything okay? What's going on?" She asks getting worried that something happens to Jen.
"It's my fault." Jen looks up at Judy. As Judy sits down she asks
"What, what's your fault?" Judy looks at Jen waiting for an answer whilst Jen looks at the pool in front of them.
"That he's gone." Jen shakes her head ever so slightly.
"Wait, do you mean Charlie or Henry?" She asks Jen, who now makes eye contact.
"Ted." There was a hint of guilt in Jen's eyes that Judy didn't understand.
"Ted?...what are you talking about? She asks Jen.
*Judy's POV:
I was so confused on why Jen was thinking this. If only she knew.
"The night he died... we had a fight." She looks in front of her averting my eyes.
"Well, okay people fight. That doesn't make it your fault." I say and take some of the blanket she has over her legs and put it over my knees.
"No. No, I..." she sighs and looks around. "I was really angry." She sighs.
"What were you fighting about?" I ask curiously and look at her. She looks around and turns her head slightly to face the other way.
"It's too hard to talk about." She mutters. I look at her and pout slightly.
"You can tell me." I say softly and squeeze her knee. "Come on. You can tell me anything." I tell her, it was true; she could tell me anything and I wouldn't judge her since I'm in love with her. I look at her softly to make sure she knows that she can't trust me. She then looks at me and I could see tears in her eyes. She gulped.
"He hadn't... he hadn't touched me in over a year." She says sadly.
"Okay. Well he was having an affair. So that's on him."
"No" she says almost immediately after. "No. He...he stopped after...after my, um... mastectomy." I sigh softly and place my hand back in her knee aiming to comfort her. "I just thought it wouldn't matter." She starts to tear up more and I all I want to do is just hug her and tell her how much I love her. "That he... he... he could get past it." She looks at me briefly and takes a breath. Her breath was shaky and I teared up a little because I hated seeing her so sad. "All of that. But he couldn't." She says and I squeeze her knee.
"I'm so sorry." I say to her softly.
"And he didn't want me anymore. But I needed him." She paused and I saw that her tears we almost falling. "He...he made..." her voice was breaking and she was struggling to get her words out. "He made me feel so disgusting." She sobbed. I couldn't stand it no more. I moved as sat next to her. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her against me. I softly lifted her legs up and put them on top of mine. She wipes her tears away. "And I... was just so resentful." She sniffs "and.. that night, it just got heated and ... I hit him." She looks up at me and I look her in the eyes. "The last thing I did before he walked out that door was... was hit him." She says and starts out into the distance.
"Okay." I say allowing her to continue. I had now had tears in my eyes.
"I punched him in the face." She says to me.
"Well, I'm sure he said something that made you-" she interrupts me and pull away from me and sits up next to me.
"Oh, god Judy, please stop. Stop trying to make me feel better all the time."
"I'm just saying. I'm sure there was a good—"
"No! It's my fault he's dead." She sniffs and wipes her cheeks.
"He wasn't even here. He was out on a run Jen." I say bust she sighs.
"God, he wasn't running. It was one o' clock in the morning. He was in that road because he didn't wanna spend another second in this house with me... I killed him." At this point I didn't know what to say to her. "Oh, god. I keep trying to find." She sniffs. "The person to blame and... I drive him away. I hit him... I fucking killed him." She sighs. I look into her dad and angry eyes and I had to tell her the truth.
"No. I hit him." She looks at me and shakes her head.
"What?"
"I hit him."
"Okay, what are you talking... I hit him."
"No. I hit him"
"No I hit him."
"I hit him."
"I hit him. Judy. Oh god."
"I hit him."
"He was walking out the door and-"
"I had a '66 mustang." As soon as I said that Jen went silent. She looked at me and I wasn't ready to tell her everything but I knew I had to. "It was so dark out and I was driving, and I didn't see a bend in the road and I took it to fast, and I... he was right there." I looked at Jen and she looked so shocked and afraid. I would never get her back now. "I wasn't either sure what happened. And then I wanted to go back but I couldn't. He said-" I sniff and wipe the tears from my face. "And I thought if I could just... somehow make it up to you. If I could... help you somehow, or if I could be your friend..." I look at her. "Please, forgive me, Jen... please. I had no idea I was going to love you so much, or the boys, or that you guys would become my family." I sigh and look into her eyes. "I seriously love you, Jen. You're such a good mother to the boys. You might not believe it but I do, I've seen it. You're a good friend but I love you more than that. You're so much fun to be around, especially when we are drunk or when we would stay up all night talking on the phone. I feel so connected to you when I look into those gorgeous eyes if yours. You're so caring and I trust you so much, more than I have ever trusted someone. I love you so much Jen, with all of my heart." I say and sigh. I look into her eyes. I could see a hint of hope but still anger. "Please... say something." I beg her. "Please tell me what I can do to make it better and to make things right, and I'll do it. I would do anything if it meant you could forgive me... please tell me what I can do." I sob and she just looks at me.
"You can stay away from me." She says to me and walks off back into the house.she locks the door. I then start to sob.

I know this was long but I couldn't really separate it. Hope you enjoyed it :)