tw: mentions of rape (i'll put **)
The doctors had decided that I was mentally stable enough to not have to go to any rehab or anything, but they prescribed me anti-depressants and recommended that I start therapy again.
I was discharged and sent home. When I left the hospital, my heart felt empty. I knew I should be happy because I was going home but it was hard to feel it. At least at the hospital there was a constant hustle and bustle to distract me.
"You feeling okay, Lane?" Ryland looked in the rear view mirror as we drove home.
"I guess?" I answered and Ryland and dad shared a glance.
"I cleaned your room for you." Dad said, and I remembered how I had left it a mess.
"Sorry." I felt bad that he had to deal with the mess.
"It's okay! I just wanted you to be comfortable when you got home."
When we got home the first thing I did was go to my room. The sheets were washed and all my laundry was put away. My rug was vacuumed and my blinds were open.
I went into dad and Rylands room and stole one of dads t shirts. I put on Nike shorts with it but you couldn't see it as the shirt went down to my knees.
"Laney?" Dad knocked on my bedroom door.
"Come in." I answered.
"How are you feeling?" He asked, sitting on my bed next to me.
"I don't know."
"Do you wanna come eat?" I nodded and walked downstairs with him. "Ryland made some chicken thing I don't really know."
I sat at the table with dad, Ryland and Morgan. I tried my best to eat the chicken, it had stuff on it but I don't know what it was. There was green beans too, and I tried to eat everything.
I took a bite of chicken and tried to chew slow. I took a sip of water. I knew dad was watching me so I tried to make it as normal as possible.
"Do you feel okay?" I shrugged at the question, poking around at my plate with a fork.
I tried to eat a couple more bites and I knew I couldn't do it anymore.
"I'm done." I pushed my plate away and felt myself getting nauseous.
"Are you okay?" Ryland asked.
"Yeah you just turned like, white." Dad commented, standing up.
I stood up and ran to the bathroom. I sat on the floor and I ended up throwing up.
"It's okay." Dad pulled my hair back away from my face. "Relax."
I sat back against the wall and started crying.
"I can't do this." I told dad, my voice breaking.
He wiped my mouth with a wet wash cloth. "You just have to give it time, you're going to be okay."
I sat on the floor crying still. That's all I do anymore, apparently. Why did this have to happen to me.
"Here come here." Dad picked me up and moved me to the couch.
"Try to drink this." Ryland handed me a mug with a tea bag in it. "It's just green tea and lemon."
I took a sip and it felt warm in my stomach.
"Does that feel okay?" Dad asked and I nodded. "How do your ribs feel?"
"They hurt to like touch them, and it hurts to lay certain ways." I explained.
"I can give you like ibuprofen if you want. Or like numbing stuff." He offered.
"If you want to."
"I have numbing stuff somewhere let me go find it." Ryland said, leaving the living room.
Morgan was on the other end of the couch, and she told dad to go for a second so we could talk.
"I missed you." Morgan hugged me, careful where she put her hands.
"I missed you too." I hugged her back and smiled.
**
"How are you feeling. With like... you know." She chose her words carefully.
"I don't know how I should feel." I admitted.
"Listen, people will say a lot of they find out. But it wasn't your fault okay?" She told me and I nodded. "If you're a virgin, that doesn't have to be your first time. It wasn't sex, it was rape okay?"
I wiped my eyes which were welling with tears. "Yeah I know, I'm sorry."
"You're okay."
**
"Also, I just spent a month with the boys, and I am so sorry I left you before that."
She made me laugh for the first time in a while.
"I told you!"
Ryland came in with the numbing stuff and asked if he could lift up my shirt.
"Here let me do it." Morgan pushed him aside and looked to me for permission and I nodded.
I winced as she first touched it but then calmed down when it did start to stop hurting.
"Hey, I got your phone back. I've been charging it so it should be good."
I opened it up and all of my social media was blowing up. Everyone was in my notifications asking what happened and if I was home.
I decided I needed to at least say something online.
hey everyone. i'm home safe. thank you for all your support <3
