Until We Meet Again

29

Austin is sitting on his bed when I get back. He looks up at the sound of the door closing, and watches as I put my room key down.

"How was it?" I could sense some of the hurt still in his voice.

"It was good," I tell him.

He just nods, looking away from me. I take a seat beside him, not sure why though because he has a boyfriend and well my love life is complicated. I didn't want to rush into anything but here I was craving to get to know him better. I look over at him, taking in the way his dark hair looks a caramel brown in the sunlight. He could use a haircut, it'll open up his eyes.

I hear him take a deep breath and divert my eyes before he can catch me staring.

"So, what was that?" He asked me.

I look at him like I hadn't just been looking at him. "What do you mean?"

He nods his head towards the empty space in the room as if to point out something, "that little moment of frustration."

Oh. So that's what he's talking about. I look down at my hands, unsure of what to tell him. Do I tell him I like him or at least some part of me likes him? No, I convince myself, it's way too early for that, plus he has a boyfriend.

I shrug my shoulders, "I don't know. I just needed some air."

He shakes his head, "that's not what that was and you know it." He surprises me by moving his position to where he was sitting facing me. "Tell me the truth, communicate with me."

I look at him and then back at my hands. I don't know what to say to you, I whisper in my head. I have these feelings for you but I can't tell you because who knows if you feel the same, I tell him in my head but not out loud.

"I just needed some air, that's all."

He gives up on trying and gets up from the bed. "I don't know why you won't talk to me."

He crosses his arms and stares at me with the most disappointed look on his face. What was this? What version of Austin was standing in front of me?

"What do you want me to say?" I tell him.

"I want you to be honest with me," he sounds like my mother that one time when I broke the vacuum and refused to tell her.

"I am," I lie.

Okay so lying was not the best choice. Something inside Austin just breaks and a second later his stares look like they could kill me right now.

"No you are not, I'm done with the games," Austin keeps rambling and I have to start wondering if it's directed towards me or someone else.

"I wait for you to tell me the truth, I beg for you to just communicate and what do you do you keep," he smacks a hand down on the table, scaring me half to death, "lying to me. I know what's going on, all the getting back late at night and the weird text messages then saying wrong person like I don't care," he looks like he could pass out right now.

I just sit there and listen because I know how much it helps to just let it all out. He goes on and on repeating half of the stuff he's already said and I just sit there, taking it all in. About the hundredth time of saying the world lying, he quits and stands there as his chest rises and falls rapidly. He looks at me and I realize that look, that look you give someone right before you fall apart. I jump off the bed and catch him before he can fall on the floor. He grabs my arm and holds on tight as his whole body shakes. The loud sobs seem to echo in my head, reminding me of the first several months without Ethan.

I sink down to the floor so I can hold him better. His cries make me want to cry with him but I know that I can't do that. He obviously needs a strong person and I have to be that for him. I just wish he would get out of the relationship he's in, it's clearly destroying him.

His head lays in my lap as I rake my fingers through his hair, I don't know what else to do except sit here and wait for it to pass. His eyes are screwed shut and I can tell he's begging himself to stop crying in his mind. I know how it feels to cry endlessly and having to convince yourself to stop crying but can't. It's a horrible feeling and it pains me to see Austin right now all broken and laying in my lap with tears rolling down his cheeks.

"It'll be alright, I'm here for you," I whisper to him in my head.

May is mental health awareness month so let's just all be there for people who struggle with mental health, I've been in the same place as these people. My mental health was at my lowest for years and nobody knew I was struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts but I am good now. It's still a battle but I will get through it just like everyone else will. I am always here for anyone who struggle with their mental health or just needs someone ❤️