Until We Meet Again

39

"May I speak to all of you," Alex's cancer doctor pokes his head into the room, trying to be quiet considering Alex was asleep.

I look over at his parents. This couldn't be good if he was wanting to talk all of us. I follow them out of the room, closing the door behind me. Whatever it was that he had to tell us I didn't want Alex hearing it if he happened to wake up while we're gone.

Once we're out in the hall, the three of us stare at him waiting for whatever he had to say to be said. He looks at us and I could tell that he was trying to figure out how he should phrase it.

"Just go ahead and say it," I tell him. It's better to say it like it is then trying to phrase it to where it didn't hurt as much.

"The other night when Alex started coughing badly, we went ahead and ran some tests." He pauses and makes me want to about choke him for stalling.

"Yes," I encourage him.

"It's not good. His body is rejecting the chemo all of a sudden, now the good news is that before his body started rejecting it is that most of the cancer was gone but without the chemo doing it's job the rest we can't get rid of."

It's like someone has punched me in the gut. I can feel my entire world being ripped from underneath my feet and I can't help the tears that start flowing. His mom is crying uncontrollably into his dad. I feel absolutely terrible for them.

"How long?" I ask for them even though I want to know also.

He shrugs, "there's no telling. A couple of months at the least, maybe more where he's younger. I suggest that you all go home and try to make these last months the best that you can."

"Make the last months of our son enjoyable. How are we supposed to do that knowing he's going to die? How do we tell him something like that?" His dad asks him.

He looks at him and I could tell that his heart was breaking also even though he should be used to this kind of thing.

"I wouldn't tell him, not yet. Let him live these last few months like he would normally, that's the least he deserves."

Those words seem to kill him and I can see him trying to hold back tears. I give the doctor a quiet thanks and watch him leave. So that just happened, Alex was indeed going to die and who knows when that would be. I look back into the room and my eyes meet Alex's. Something inside me says that he heard everything and knew what was going on. I could see tears form in the corner of his eyes but never falling. These last few months with Alex were going to be hard. I was losing someone I loved all over again.

Few weeks later...

"I expect you to stay out of here now Mr. Alex," his nurse that has been with him since day one gives him a smile as she walks beside us.

He smiles at her, "trust me I will."

I look at him, amazed at how well he was taking all of this. He knew he was going to die yet here he was all happy. I definitely could not be that way. She helps him out of the wheelchair and into the car. My car was still here from day one, I hadn't left since then except to get clothes from the dorm.

"Bye," I give him a small kiss on the cheek. He gives me a smile and a small wave as I leave.

I wish I could ride home with him but I don't have anyone to take my car. It hits me that this was the first time I was going to be at his house. Plus we don't even live in the same place, but my parents could care less where I'm at. I follow them home, thinking about the coming months the whole way. How are we supposed to give him the best couple of months? All I can think about is the day I lose him, is he going to go peacefully like in his sleep or am I going to have to watch him be in pain for hours until he finally lets go?

It takes hours to get to what I think is where they live. I didn't realize when I first looked at Alex that he came from this small of a town. If I lived in a town this small I would be worried if I walked wrongly down the road that the whole town would know within minutes. Small towns lead to lots of drama.

We pass what I think is the high school or maybe it was the town hall, I'm not sure which. I'm even more surprised at the sight of his house. It's smaller than I thought it would be. Still two stories though but not as big as the houses where I live. You could fit this whole town in some of those houses probably.

I pull in behind them, admiring his house. It's definitely different than I thought it would be. I get out of the car and help Alex into the house. Of course his room would be upstairs so his parents had set up a bed downstairs in the living room at least that's what I think it is.

By the time we got everything inside the house and he was settled on his bed the sun was starting to set outside. His parents decided to go on to bed, leaving us alone. I slide into the bed beside Alex, letting him rest his head on my chest.

"Austin," his words come out muffled.

"Yes Alex," I answer him as I stroke his arm.

"I'm not afraid to die," his words surprise me. They also make my throat close up and I struggle to hold back tears. I couldn't say anything, instead I lay there listening to his soft snores.

I don't know when I drifted off to sleep but before I did I whisper to him....

"I love you."