Until We Meet Again

Alex's letters

That day was forever burned into my mind. I couldn't get the sight of Alex in that casket out of my head. The way he looked like he wasn't in pain anymore, like he was asleep instead of dead.

I went back home the next day instead of back to campus. I concluded that I wasn't going back to school for the year, I couldn't be on the same campus that Alex was on just yet. My parents were surprised to see me. I hadn't told them anything about Alex except for that I had seen him a couple of times on campus. They took one look at me and that's all it took for them to know what had happened.

I fell into my mothers arms, crying. She comforted me that night and the rest of the nights to come. I hadn't realized that Alex had made such an impression on me. I knew that he was different that's why I kept chasing him but I didn't know fully that he was what I was missing until now.

It's ten in the morning now and I'm still in bed. I've been staying in bed longer and staying awake late at night either crying or staring out the window at the stars. It's been a month since that day yet I still felt like I did that day. I felt numb all over and I couldn't bring myself to do anything except stare out the window and the occasional using the bathroom of course.

My mother knocks on the door to my room softly. I bring my attention away from the window and towards her. She gives me a comforting smile as she hands me an envelope.

I look at her confused, "what's this?"

"Just read it." She says as she leaves the room.

Okay. I look down at the envelope, examining it. It didn't have any sender on it. The only writing that was on it was my address and that's it. I break the seal, being careful not to tear whatever was inside. I'm surprised to see paper inside. I set the envelope aside as I open what I'm guessing is a letter. My eyes run over the first couple of letters and I know what this is, well more of who this is. His writing was obvious, anyone could recognize it.

Dear Ethan,
I don't know why I'm writing this considering all that's happened, maybe it's because I'm on the edge of my deathbed. Anyways, I just wanted to tell you that I forgive you for everything, I truly do. I don't know what I would have done those years that we were together. You taught me how to be happy, well the times you made me happy. I still remember to this day the first day I saw you with you surfboard on the back of your laptop. In that moment I knew that this guy was going to turn my whole world upside down, Little did I know that it would be true. Then we took a walk through town and I found you staring at me a couple of times, causing me to smile and butterflies in my stomach. You were my first for a lot of things, and by a lot of things I mean a lot of things. When my parents didn't accept me you  and you're family did and that's something I could never repay for. I know you're sorry, I knew the day you told me about the dare, I guess it was the shock that convinced me that you weren't and I'm sorry for that. We both made a lot of mistakes during our relationship but that's not what made us, us. We made us because everything something went wrong we argued then we made up. I'm not sure why we didn't make up this time, maybe because inside I was physically and mentally drained but I wanted to make up. Then you left and that forced me to move on without you. I came to college to find you, to be some what close to you even if I couldn't have you. You see, Ethan, even if I found someone else. Someone who loves me for me and deals with all my mood swings, something inside me will always be tied to you. I may love Austin now, but my love for you didn't just disappear and maybe that's why right now as I'm writing this letter in the middle of the night surrounded by my family and Austin, I know that some part of me will always belong to you and I'm fine with that. Ethan, it was always you, it's always been you. I love you Ethan.
Love, Alex

I read the last couple of sentences over and over again. I couldn't be reading this right. Did Alex just confess that he still had feelings for me? This is what I've been wanting, for Alex to just tell me that he still loved me and here he was telling me that. I wish that I could hug him right now but I can't and that's where I went wrong. I look out the window and I can see his face clear as day in my head. His words replayed in my head.

It's always been you....