Until We Meet Again

Alex's letters

The funeral was in the past. It had happened a month ago and for the first time in months everything seemed to be back to normal. Of course, I still felt like crap on some mornings and could barely get out of bed for class. I went back to campus a couple weeks after the funeral, I know that I wasn't ready to get back at it but I knew that I couldn't stay away forever.

They had offered to find me another roommate but I refused to have anyone sleep in the same bad as Alex. I still found myself at nights staring at the empty sheets and just for a couple of seconds I could see him staring back at me with a smile on his face. It wasn't like a scary sight that most people would think it was but a comforting one. It was in those couple of seconds that I felt at peace, felt like he was still there and when those seconds were over and reality settled back in, the hole in my chest opened back up again.

One day I'm not sure what made me do it but I found myself sitting on his bed, staring at his stuff that I had yet to start packing up for his parents. They could have came down and done it but I told them that I could do it so it would save them a trip, plus I knew that the three of us in the same room looking at all of this stuff that we wouldn't get anything done except for crying.

I look over at the bed, picking up a picture frame off the table. I looked it over, admiring the smiling faces of his parents. This must have been forever ago, the Alex in this still looked like a teenager. I take a deep breath as I start packing his stuff up in the boxes he had brought with him on the first day that were stored underneath his bed.

It only took me a couple of hours to pack everything up and soon I was in the car on my way back to his house. I couldn't stop seeing his face on the way back. Whenever I looked in the rear view mirror I could swear that I could see him laying in the backseat in the same position that he was laying the day I rushed him to the hospital. Then I looked at the passenger seat and saw him sitting there with that goofy smile of his spread across his face. Remembering the first day that I had met him and he suggested the weirdest place to eat. I could hear his laugh as I got out of the car to get gas. The laugh that he done when I told him that he had chosen such a weird place.

When I got back into the car, I looked back over to the passenger seat and he was gone. I looked in the mirror and he was gone. He was gone just like that again and I had to hold back tears. Finally after what seems like forever I pull into the driveway. His parents are waiting for me when I arrive. I had called them ahead of time to tell them that I was close. They smile at me as I hand them the first box.

"Thank you," his dad says before he disappears into the house.

"Of course," I tell them. I had gotten oddly close to his parents since the funeral. I found myself texting his mom every week, talking about Alex sometimes and then other times just talking about regular stuff.

"Here," his mom hands me an envelope.

I looks at her with a confused look. "What's this?"

"Just take it somewhere private and read it," she says before she disappears into the house.

I look down at the envelope, then back up at the empty doorway. I look around the block as if someone was about to come out nowhere and mug me or something. I take the letter to the tree near the house and sit down, leaning against the rough bark. Slowly I open it, being careful not to tear up the envelope.

I take out what looks like a letter and unravel it. My eyes land on what I know is his writing.

Dear Austin,
I'm not good at writing letters so excuse if this turns out to be a total disaster. I know I'm going to die, in fact I knew the moment I woke up that day in the dorm and I couldn't get up. I remember you shaking my shoulder roughly and I was thinking what in the world was he doing...

I let out a laugh, the tears already falling down my cheeks.

You're asleep right now beside me as I write this. I couldn't sleep tonight, like all the other nights. I'm not afraid to die, I know that I have you now and that's all I ever wanted. I wanted someone like you in my life someone who loved me for me. It hurts me to know that I'm leaving you so soon, oh how I wish I could stay with you. I wish to grow old with you, to find myself staring at you the same way you stare at me sometimes. I knew the moment I saw you that something was different but I couldn't quite figure you out at first. You gave a shy vibe but the more I got to know you the more I found out that you were the opposite. Those days in the hospital where I was in the most pain and you could tell just by looking at me, you would start dancing to try and make me laugh, to focus on anything other than pain. I found myself falling hard for you and tonight as I write this letter I can't help but smile at you while you're asleep. I know that I'm leaving you but in reality I'm just a word away. I hope to see you in the future, until then live your life Austin. Go out and enjoy the world for me. See you soon... I love you.
Love, Alex

I let the tears fall as I stared at those last couple of words on the page. He had never told me he loved me before. This was the first time and even though it was in letter form I knew that he meant it. I wipe the tears away as I folded the letter back up.

I look up, staring at the house and then over to the field to my right. Alex left me this letter because he knew that I would need it. As I looked out over the field, I could feel my heart slowly start to mend.

I love you Alex.