Mothers (girlxgirl) (Book 3)

Left Unsaid

Buffy's POV

I take a long deep breath, trying NOT to think about her as I sit with my mom.

Thinking about Faith will only make me wanna smash something.

I watch my mom as she sleeps at 5:30 in the afternoon.

She hasn't had to take a nap this early in at least a month or two. She's been feeling more and more tired at the end of the day these past few weeks, but she hasn't slept. All the strength she's been feeling only lasts 9 or 10 hours before she'd get really tired. But in the last couple days she's been tired earlier. The doctors think it has something to do with the new treatment. They always give her a shot before 3 and it seems to make her drowsy.

I reach out and take my mother's limp hand.

There have been a few different treatments now and they say none of them have caused a significant change in her condition.

I close my eyes.

She has to be okay. I need her to be okay.

I feel a squeeze of my hand and I look to my mom who's lying awake in her hospital bed.

"Mom..."

She smiles at me and squeezes my hand again.

"Hey sweetie, how are you?"

Me?

"Worried about you mostly..."

"That's nice honey, but I'm sure there are other things to worry about. Is Anya all right?"

Anya?

"She... yeah, she's gonna be all right. She's a little bruised from when the car ran her down by a bunch of vamps. But once she heals up, she'll be fine."

She sighs happily.

"That's good..."

"Yeah..."

"And how's Faith?"

The sound of her name makes me pull back and let go of her hand.

"She's still a bitch."

"So she's fine then, I'm glad."

I just sit in my chair, trying not to look at her.

"Yes she's fine... unfortunately."

I bring my eyes to hers for a split second and she smiles at me as I divert them again.

"I'm sorry, I know you don't like to talk about her but I was worried."

Right...

"You said Anya was attacked by vampires, and earlier you mentioned that Faith saved her. I was worried she might have gotten hurt."

"She's fine..."

"Have you talked with her?"

Talked?

"No, of course not... why would I?"

She takes a deep breath.

"To deal?"

Deal?

"Deal how?"

There's a long moment of silence between us and I look at her as she finally speaks.

"You know how, Buffy. Dawn is..."

I get up and move away from the bed, stopping her.

"I know, I know, you don't have to say it, I know."

"I just want to make sure you're taking the time to deal with what happened to Dawn."

I turn back to my mom.

"I was there when it happened. I helped pick out the casket. I was at her funeral. How did I not deal with the fact that she's gone?"

I stare at her for a few seconds. I close my eyes because I know exactly what she means and I hate the fact that she knows. I run my hands through my hair.

"I'm NOT having this conversation again."

"Buffy..."

"NO... it doesn't matter how she feels. It doesn't matter what she might say. She killed Dawn, it's over between us."

"Your relationship might be over, but the feelings you have for each other are very much still there, especially your feelings toward her when it comes to Dawn."

I turn away from my mom.

"You wouldn't be holding on to your anger towards Faith if you didn't still feel something for her."

My insides start clenching up and I almost wanna cry.

"Mom, I..."

I really don't want to hear this.

"Even if I do feel something... all it is, is hate. I hate her and I just want her to go away."

She sighs heavily.

"Do you really think it's that simple? That her leaving is all it will take for you to deal with what she did? She was gone for months before this, and you're still angry with her."

I can't talk about this anymore.

"Look, Mom... the vampires that attacked Anya, I don't think it was random. There's a good chance, that whoever attacked her was connected to Omega."

"Omega? You mean the demon that..."

"Killed me? Yeah... which means whatever they're up to can't be good. I have to find out what they're doing, even if they aren't involved with Omega, and stop them."

"You're going on patrol?"

I lower my head as it feels like I'm betraying her somehow by going.

"Yes, will you be okay here without me?"

"Of course honey, I'll be okay."

I let out a sigh of relief.

"All right..."

I look out the window for a second.

The sun should be down in an hour or so.

"I have to go soon. I gotta stop by the house for some weapons before I go out."

"It's all right. You can go if you need to."

I move to my mom's bedside.

"It can wait a little while longer."