Back to Barnes // the winter soldier

21: black out

     I woke up in the infirmary an hour later with little recollection of what had happened. After a moment or two of confused staring at the ceiling, I sat up in the cot groggily, looking around the room to find Steve sitting beside me with his head in his heads.

I cleared my throat, catching his attention. He looked up at me and swiftly stood. "Maisie, we can do this another way. We can find out a way for both you and Bucky to stay . . . You don't have to do this."

Blankly, I stared at him. He sighed, opening his mouth as if he was going to say more, but stopped himself.

My temples radiated with pain, my entire body suffering from my lack of sleep and proper nutrition. It took a moment, but I connected the dots. "He's here . . . It's time, isn't it?"

He shook his head sharply. "It doesn't have to be, Maisie, please."

I shook my head back slowly. The thoughts of abandoning Bucky and leaving him in Fury's care and his anxiety coming back were covered by the need to protect him and take his place. My slow and stuttered voice pushed on. "Where is he?"

My chest clenched as I thought of Damon. And Hydra. And leaving Bucky and Gehenna and what lay ahead of me and putting my feet on the ground and proceeding with any of this. My mom used to say that I had my father's stubbornness, and he would say it would get me far in life - having my way. This time, though, I believe it would get me so far in life as to end it. I had no idea what Hydra would do to me, what I would aid them in, or if they would simply kill me the minute they could. God knows what I was getting myself into.

Steve clenched his jaw, swallowed, and pursed his lips. "Right outside."

I clumsily slid off the cot and stood up shakily. The emptiness in my stomach and throbbing in my head reminded me of how much I could use a drink, but the pit in my chest and absentminded sob about to escape it told me there were worse things to focus on.

I shuffled towards the door and shakily opened it, greeted by Damon haughtily beaming as he leaned against the opposite wall. As I choked back tears of panic, he stepped forward.

"Since I'm a good person. I'm giving you a minute with your precious boy-toy." His grin widened as he handed me my ID. His smile fell and he glared at me. "Don't tell him a thing." His grin came back. "It's our little secret."

If he actually was a decent person, I would have thanked him. Instead, I just weakly jogged up the stairs and down the hall and into the cell. Bucky, with red eyes, looked up at me and didn't even attempt a smile.

"Maisie, what happened?" He asked as I stepped toward him.

I stared into his eyes as my hand reached out to caress his cheek. I took in the blue of his eyes and the touch of his skin and his aura in itself.

"Maisie," Bucky repeated. "What's going on?" His eyes searched my face for a clue, but I just smiled weakly.

"Do you know that I love you?" I whispered, my other hand around the back of his neck. He didn't respond, expression filling with worry.

"Y-yes, why?" He shifted his position on his bed and I sat down next to him.

I hesitated, knowing my time was short. "Bucky, you are strong and capable of fighting every demon. You are no monster. Please remember that. I have loved you more dearly than I've ever loved anyone else, and you're worthy of that. You deserve love. You'll be okay. No matter what happens, no matter what your dreadfully long life throws at you, everything will be okay in the end. I can promise you that."

I leaned in and kissed his lips. There was hesitation on his part but he quickly kissed back, slowly and deeply as if he sensed it would be our last.