Back to Barnes // the winter soldier

15: be brave

     The day came when we landed for a few hours shy of 24. Most of us (as in, those of us not on the control deck) were given assignments, things to carry out while we were on the water. I was sent to get supplies with Agent Damon. It was, due to his and my relationship, going to be full of silence or grunts of approval/disapproval. I was okay with that. I was in no mood to talk.

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     I suppose it's weird to see a man and woman, him in army uniform pants and her in a pantsuit, walking through a New York CVS with ID badges and guns at their hips but I found it easy to ignore the attention after about an hour. Once we were done checking out, Damon actually spoke.

"Captive still in your room?" He asked, grabbing a few bags.

I didn't make eye contact, just absentmindedly glanced down at his bulging arms. "Yeah."

He nodded and on we went. As we were walking into a sporting goods store, he broke my train of thought once again.

"And how are you holding up with this Ultron thing?"

I shook my head. "The good ol' Avengers will take care of it." I sighed and wrapped my coat around me more.

"And Hydra?" He asked as we picked up a rack or so worth of sleek black winter coats. It got unbearably cold during the coming month of November in the helicarrier.

I shook my head a bit hesitantly this time. "We'll figure something out."

"Yeah." He replied absentmindedly. "Maybe."

We'll figure something out.

My thoughts went back to Bucky. I had to make a plan. I couldn't just throw myself in front of him and assume they'd take me, I needed to persuade them. As much as it physically hurt to think about, I began to devise a plan as Agent Damon and I silently picked things up and checked out.

I wondered what Fury and Steve would do to Bucky once I was gone. I knew that with Steve around it wouldn't be too terribly bad, but with Fury still present I had no idea. I remembered Bucky asking me when he would leave, and I didn't have an answer. Now I wanted him within my protection all the time, period, no future plans, just safety in what we had, but that wouldn't last. I wondered if they'd ever let him out of the helicarrier, or if they'd make him a literal prisoner the rest of his life . . . which would be a long time.

That thought sort of alarmed me. What if he never left the hands of what's left of SHIELD? What an awful infinity that would be. I had let him leave his cell but for what, another cell? He needed to be given something else now that he was conscious enough to pay attention.

"Are you coming?" Agent Damon asked from a few yards ahead of me on the sidewalk. I cleared my throat and nodded.

With a second thought, I looked behind me at the men's clothes. "No, wait, hold on."

"What-"

"I said hold on!"

I rushed through the men's clothing until I had a completely new outfit. Satisfied with it, I paid for it and met Agent Damon out on the sidewalk, where he started mumbling about how we would be late for the helicopter and we'd have to wait for the next landing and he would not do that so next time I'd better hurry my sorry butt up. I just walked quietly alongside him with my bag clutched to my chest.

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     "Why am I putting this on?" Bucky asked from inside the bathroom. I smiled slightly.

"Reasons." 

He sighed and didn't dispute, knowing it wouldn't really matter when we reached a conclusion, anyway.

As he changed, I fixed my hair and suit, then tried to cover the blue and purple semi-circles under my eyes. My lips pursed at the slight realization of it all. Neither one of us deserved this, especially him. Of course, we didn't have a choice, but I still felt like there should have been an option.