‘What’s her name?’ I asked quietly. Justin was lying on top of me, his head tucked underneath my chin. One of my hands was in his hair, massaging his head and the other was trailing up and down his spine soothingly.
‘Georgia.’ Justin replied. My heart ached, he was so vulnerable right now, I could feel the tremor running through his body. The side of his face was pressed against my sternum and I hoped he could hear my heart beat, I hoped he knew that it was for him.
‘Why didn’t you tell me before?’
‘Because I didn’t want you to see me as that guy. The guy who ruined someone’s life.’
‘Justin,’ I sighed, my grip on him tightening. ‘It was an accident, a tragic one, one with dire consequences, but you didn’t mean to hurt her. You have to realise that it was not your fault.’
Justin pushed himself up on his elbows and looked at me. ‘I was the one driving the car! I was the one who drank copious amounts of alcohol, of course it’s my fault, Emmy! Who else’s is it going to be?’
I kept my mouth shut because I really didn’t know how to reply to that, Justin snuggled back up against me and I kissed the top of his head. ‘I love you.’
‘Promise?’
‘Promise.’ I confirmed. ‘So, you paid her medical bills?’
‘Yea, she was in a coma for a few months. The doctors tired surgery to try and fix her spine but it didn’t work.’ Justin’s voice cracked and I felt my chest dampen.
‘Hey, hey, it’s okay. I’m here.’ I tried to comfort him.
‘The money paid for her bills and everything that she needs now. She was a track runner, Emmy. The loss of her legs would have destroyed her.’
I swallowed thickly. I couldn’t imagine living with this guilt that Justin was carrying around with him and I couldn’t think of a way to alleviate the guilt.
‘I love you.’ I repeated. It was the only thing I could think of to say.
‘The friends, the ones who you thought I was embarrassed to take you to meet, they were my friend’s from back then.’
‘Is she okay?’
‘I don’t know. I’m scared to ask.’ We fell silent again. ‘I don’t want to talk about it anymore.’ Justin said and I nodded, my fingers still caressing his back, drawing shapes along his skin. I felt his breathing even out but I wasn’t even close to tired, no matter how much Justin had worn me out earlier. My mind was racing, I felt for Georgia, I couldn’t imagine ever having to go through something like that.
I didn’t know how to take this. It didn’t change my feelings towards Justin, I still loved him deeply. He’s just an idiot who made a stupid-ass decision and I can’t hold that over him. Who he was when he was eighteen was not who he is now and what he did was sad and traumatic, but I loved him. I glanced at the clock on Justin’s bedside table, it was only eleven thirty because we had left the gala so early. It seemed like a life time ago now.
